💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 Explaining my husband's MBTI personality type and how I, as an INTJ, deal with our differences. With our judging preference being the only common trait between us, Alhamdulillah I realized that it is possible to get along with someone whose personality type differs from yours by looking at the positive side of each quality.
🔸 My husband is an ESFJ which means he is:
1] An extrovert (E): he enjoys family gatherings, he gets energized by talking to his friends at social events, and he may easily get bored if he doesn't talk to anyone for a long period of time.
2] A sensor (S): he mainly uses his five senses to form judgements or make decisions, he prefers facts and details instead of the overall big picture, and he is more affected by the past than the future.
3] A feeling type (F): he is generally sensitive, he can be emotional or sentimental at times, and when deciding he usually behaves according to how he feels in the present moment.
4] A judging type (J) like me: (Note: "J" doesn't refer to "judgmental" https://www.personalitypage.com/html/four-prefs.html) we mostly like being organized, we prefer to plan and prepare than decide spontaneously, and we'd rather know what to expect than receive surprises (e.g. it is better to have guests come over after they've informed us they're visiting than hesitantly welcome visitors who try to surprise us).
🔸 Some of the things that my ESFJ husband has done which explains his MBTI type:
1] Giving candies and lollipops to several boys to make them forget the discomfort after he circumcised them. Alhamdulillah as a medical doctor my husband knows how to carry out circumcision.
2] Volunteering to help some neighbors when they needed some assistance.
3] Knowing how to be playful with kids and being the more lenient, less strict, parent.
4] Excusing himself to hang out with his male adult friends outdoors and enjoying having long conversations even with the elderly.
5] Trying to make jokes and cheer me up when he notices I'm not in a good mood.
6] Not criticizing my awful cooking and instead being tolerant with my lack of culinary skills. At the house where he grew up in, there's already somebody hired to prepare the meals.
7] Encouraging me to forgive my brothers when he sees us having a temporary misunderstanding, advising me to chillax and not be overly harsh towards my students.
🔸 As an INTJ wife Alhamdulillah:
1] I don't mind it when my husband can't spend as much time with me as I'd want him to. The space he often gives is a chance for me to read more and research online.
2] Being intuitive Alhamdulillah enables me to look past what I can see in the surface, it allows me to provide my husband possible excuses and explanations for his actions, and I avoid rushing when making major decisions.
3] As a wife with a thinking preference, I don't get offended if my husband can't answer my text messages instantly. I understand he's either busy, he doesn't feel the need to respond during that instance, or some outsiders at his workplace are childishly tampering with our communication.
4] Since we're both judging types, we can similarly be stubborn concerning our choices, interests and what we value. Lots of rewarding patience and empathy from both sides are necessary to minimize the urge to argue.
By understanding your husband's personality and yours,
you can Inn-sha-Allah find ways to develop your bond and strengthen the love between you two, regardless of some people's false claims that you're incompatible.
🔸 Online MBTI tests you can take:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātīh 5/2125
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Hibban 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
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