In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
“The Bad Outcomes
Of Divorce
And Its Reasons”
Authored by:
Mariam Omar Mababaya
Table Of Contents
Introduction ………………………………….…………………………………………… 2
Research Objectives ………………………………………………………………………. 3
Research Methodology …………………………………………………………………… 3
Section One: The Virtues of Marriage and Why Divorce Is Not Ideal………………… 4
Subsection One: The Virtues of Marriage ………………………………………. 4
Subsection Two: Why Divorce Is Not Ideal ……………..………………………. 5
Section Two: The Reasons Why Some Muslims End Up Divorced
Instead of Resolving Marital Disputes ……………………………….. 8
Subsection One: Reasons Why Some Muslims Easily Choose Divorce………… 9
Subsection Two: Common Outcomes or Negative Effects of
Those Causes That Lead to Divorce…………………….. 13
Section Three: Some Ways And Strategies To Avoid Divorce………………………….. 13
Subsection One: Sharing Some Ways to Prevent Divorce………………………. 13
Subsection Two: Positive Outcomes of Avoiding Divorce and
Choosing Patience for Allah's Sake in Married Life…………………... 15
Summary ……………………………………………………………………………..….. 17
Acknowledgement ………………………………………………………………………. 19
Reference ……………………..………………………………………………………….. 20
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Title: The Bad Outcomes Of Divorce And Its Reasons
Authored by: Mariam Omar Mababaya
Introduction
Title: The Negative Effects of Divorce and Its Causes
All praise is due to Allah the Almighty. We praise Him, seek His help, and ask for His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the bad consequences of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, no one can misguide, and whomsoever He misguides, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah the Almighty alone without any partners, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. To proceed...
Allah, the Exalted, says in Surah Adh-Dhariyat:
“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (51:56)
And in Surah Al-Bayyinah, Allah, the Exalted, says:
“And they were not commanded except to worship Allah, [being] sincere to Him in religion, inclining to truth, and to establish prayer and to give zakah.” (98:5)
Indeed, we Muslims—praise be to Allah—believe that the primary purpose of our existence is to worship Allah, the Exalted. When we live our lives solely to please Him, striving to obey Him as much as we can and avoiding all that He has forbidden, knowing that this life is only a temporary phase and our eternal goal, God willing, is to reach Paradise—then any challenge or hardship we experience in this imperfect life, including the trials in marriage life, can become more bearable by Allah's Grace and Guidance.
Among the tests by which Allah the All-Knowing examines us as His servants is marriage. Marriage is a trust, and we Muslims must not take it lightly. It is a sacred bond that we believe is destined and witnessed by Allah, the Exalted, and this noble covenant or promise must be preserved for His sake with sincerity, patience, and gratitude.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Maaidah, verse 1:
“O believers! Honour your obligations. …Indeed, Allah commands what He wills.”
Marriage itself is not happiness—it is a journey full of various challenges and intermittent difficulties, which, God willing, should be among the legitimate means and paths that lead to Paradise, where we can enjoy pure, eternal happiness. Praise be to Allah, I chose this topic for my research because, praise be to Allah, as my husband's first wife for several years, I believe that marriage is a noble connection and covenant that must be preserved rather than neglected. I have witnessed how divorce has become common among many Muslim communities—unfortunately, both here in the Philippines and in other countries—due to various reasons.
In this research, God willing, I hope to mention the negative effects of divorce and the causes behind the increasing number of divorces so that other Muslims, God willing, may become more aware that divorce is not the best solution for marital conflict, especially since divorce is something that pleases our enemy, the devil—and pleasing our enemy shaytan is something which we Muslims must always avoid.
Research Objectives
God willing, through this research, I hope to accomplish the following:
Mention the virtues of marriage and why Muslims should value it sincerely for the sake of Allah the Most Wise.
List the negative consequences or harmful results of divorce on both the individual and the Muslim society.
Enumerate the common causes of divorce.
Share some advice and guidance, God willing, on how to prevent divorce.
Cite some evidence from the Noble Qur’an and authentic Hadiths of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) regarding the value of marriage and the avoidance of unnecessary divorce.
Research Questions
God willing, this research should be able to answer the following questions or clarify any doubts related to the topic:
Why should marriage be valued for the sake of Allah rather than being taken lightly?
What are the negative effects of divorce on the individual and on the Muslim society as a whole?
What are some of the reasons why some Muslims choose divorce instead of trying to resolve marital disputes?
What are some ways to remain contented in marriage, or what are some tips to avoid divorce?
What are the benefits that a Muslim can gain, God willing, in both this temporary life and in the eternal life in Paradise if they choose to remain patient in marriage for the sake of Allah the Almighty?
Research Methodology
God willing, I will attempt to conduct this research on the topic of the causes of divorce and how to avoid things that usually lead to divorce through the following methods:
Reading some articles and excerpts from video recordings on YouTube that I, God willing, can find online related to divorce
Citing some verses from the Noble Qur’an related to my topic
Mentioning some authentic Hadiths and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) related to marriage and divorce
Listening to some recorded lectures and fatwa programs online and trying to understand different issues related to marriage and divorce
Making sure to avoid spreading incorrect information and refraining from sharing weak or fabricated narrations and so on
I ask Allah the Almighty to make this research sincere for His sake, and to make the research and its structure actionable, impactful, and beneficial advice for all of us Muslims—regardless of our current marital status. Ameen.
Section One: The Virtues of Marriage and Why Divorce Is Not Ideal
Subsection One: The Virtues of Marriage
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21:
“And one of His signs is that He (Allah the Almighty) created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”
It was narrated from Aisha RadhiAllahu ‘anha that Allah’s Noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.”
Grade: Hasan (Darussalam)
Reference: Sunan Ibn Majah 1846
In-book reference: Book 9, Hadith 2
English translation: Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1846
From the benefits of getting into marriage sincerely for the sake of Allah the Almighty:
1. Finding serenity and genuine peace in having a spouse or partner whom one befriends and loves for Allah’s sake with patience and gratitude to please Only Allah the Most Merciful.
2. Earning more rewards Inn-sha-Allah by striving to follow the Sunnah of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam through getting into marriage.
3. Aiming to increase the population of the Muslim nation with Allah’s Will by getting into halal marriage.
4. Maintaining one’s chastity and avoiding evil desires by choosing to stay loyal for Allah’s sake as a patient wife avoiding zina / fornication and staying away from adultery.
5. Intending to sincerely help one’s spouse in bringing them with you Inn-sha-Allah to Jannah Paradise and also inspiring other Muslim spouses to do the same in terms of remaining loyal to their spouses and encouraging one another to become better Muslims Inn-sha-Allah each day and night.
Subsection Two: Why Divorce Is Not Ideal
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 168:
“O humanity! Eat from what is lawful and good on the earth and do not follow shaytan’s footsteps; he is truly your sworn enemy.”
Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whenever a woman asks her husband for divorce without a strong reason, the fragrance of Paradise (Jannah) becomes forbidden for her."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2226
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut
Jabir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, shaytan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations (mischief, trouble). One of them says: 'I have done this and this.' shaytan says: 'you have done nothing.' Another one says: 'I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife.' shaytan embraces him and he says: 'you have done well!'"
Source: Sahih Muslim 2813
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
From the many reasons why divorce is not a good idea, it has a lot of disadvantages and our enemy shaytan feels so satisfied when Muslim spouses divorce:
1] The divorce occurred because the wife or husband (or both) felt too proud and egotistical to forgive their spouse. Actual arrogance / kibr which prevents you from willingly forgiving a Muslim who asked you for forgiveness is from the despicable characteristics of our enemy shaytan.
Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "No one who has the weight of a seed of arrogance (atom's weight of kibr) in his heart will enter Paradise." A man said, “But a man likes to have nice clothes and nice shoes.” The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah is Beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance (kibr) is to disregard (or reject) the truth and to look down on the people."
Source: Sahih Muslim 91
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
Although there is a difference in opinion or understanding regarding the authenticity or soundness of the Hadith in which it was reported that the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam accordingly mentioned how divorce is the most disliked by Allah the Almighty from among the halal or lawful things, divorce generally indicates impatience and shows preference to this temporary life over everlasting bliss in Jannah Paradise.
It was narrated from 'Abdullah bin 'Umar RadhiAllahu ‘anhuma that: Allah’s noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: "The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce."
Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)
Reference: Sunan Ibn Majah 2018
In-book reference: Book 10, Hadith 3
English translation: Vol. 3, Book 10, Hadith 2018
According to some research, while sheikh Muhammad Nasir Al-Din Al-Albani and sheikh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn Muhammad ibn Sulayman ibn Abd Al Rahman Al Uthaymeen (May Allah the Almighty have mercy on them. Ameen.) stated how that Hadith is inauthentic or not sound, other scholars namely sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah ibn Baz and sheikh Salih bin Fawzan bin ʻAbd Allāh Al-Fawzan (May Allah the Almighty have mercy on them. Ameen.) said in a recorded Fatawa that it is a sound Hadith or evidence which can be used to portray how divorce mostly has a bad impact on Muslim society, clearly emphasizing how it is better in most cases to avoid divorce as much as possible.
2] Easily giving up loving your spouse without carefully thinking of the negative consequences of divorce could indicate that you didn't genuinely love them for Allah's sake. You probably agreed to their marriage proposal just for their money, their impressive standing in society, or you wrongfully assumed that staying attached to your husband (instead of maintaining a strong connection with Allah the Almighty) is supposed to keep you happy. Expecting your husband to treat you as if you're a lot more important than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala gratifies shaytan immensely.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 165:
“Still there are some who take others as Allah’s equal—they love them as they should love Allah—but the ˹true˺ believers love Allah even more. If only the wrongdoers could see the ˹horrible˺ punishment ˹awaiting them˺, they would certainly realize that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is indeed severe in punishment.”
It is recommended to first seek Allah’s Guidance and pray two Sunnah Rak’aat of Salat Al-Istikhaara before one even considers divorce. Decisions made after seeking Allah’s Help and Guidance are guaranteed to be more blessed than choices finalized while rushing according to one’s current moods or suspicions.
Jabir Ibn Abdullah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “When one of you has a matter of concern (must make a decision), let him perform two cycles of prayer besides the obligatory prayers. Then, let him say, ‘O Allah, I seek guidance from Your knowledge and Power from Your Might, and I ask You from Your tremendous favor. Verily, You have Power and I do not have power, and You know and I do not know. You are the Knowing of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for my religion and my livelihood and my destiny, or if it is better for my present and latter needs, then decree it for me and make it easy for me and bless me in it. But if You know that this matter is evil for my religion and my livelihood and my destiny, or if it is worse for my present and latter needs, then divert it from me and keep me away from it, and destine what is good for me and then make me contented with it.‘ Then mention his need.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhārī 1166
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
3] Destroying the beautiful bond which Allah the Most Loving destined through finalizing divorce may show that you didn't trust Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala enough to firmly believe that He has full control over everything, that He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala can grant solutions to your problems at the most ideal timing, or that He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala can reward you in both worlds for striving to maintain exceptional patience.
4] Quickly agreeing to divorce one another because you both weren't determined, sincere and creative enough to think of the ways to solve your marital issues could imply that you prefer instant enjoyment of the delusional pleasures of this fleeting dunya to patiently waiting for eternal bliss in Jannah Paradise.
5] A lot of children who grow up in broken families may develop certain personality disorders or go through severe depression particularly if they frequently compare themselves to kids whose parents are still together. shaytan and his allies may feel delighted whenever they see Muslims dispute and when several Muslim communities weaken due to divorces sadly increasing in number.
6] In so many cases, divorce generally ends with extreme remorse. The former spouses may feel regretful for possibly making the wrong choices and their unsettling feelings of regret may prevent them from carrying out other tasks more efficiently.
7] Usually the former spouses can feel that they have wasted a large portion of their life and money if they end up divorcing each other after a certain period. Deliberately wasting one’s resources including time and halal earnings are from the despicable things which please our enemy shaytan.
8] Divorce in most cases can make one’s life much more complicated and miserable if the former spouses have a child or children together. If their child or kids get overwhelmed or so tired from frequently transferring to their other parent’s house and then returning to their other parent’s residence, they may assume that they are the main cause of their parents’ frequent disputes and separation then they may gradually develop negative emotions of guilt or doubting themselves. The more youths or teenagers doubt themselves, the worse they usually perform at school or throughout their lives. Kids’ bad performance can consequently negatively influence the quality of their parents’ lives as well as the people surrounding them.
9] If the number of divorce cases continues rising in various communities, those communities will not really thrive or prosper due to the increase in divorce cases. The more children there are with behavioral problems and unwillingness to cooperate with their elders, the more disruptive and problematic many societies can become.
Section Two: The Reasons Why Some Muslims End Up Divorced Instead of Resolving Marital Disputes
Subsection One: Reasons Why Some Muslims Easily Choose Divorce
From the numerous reasons why many Muslims make the mistake of choosing divorce over staying patient for Allah’s sake with the soul whom Allah the Most Wise has wisely selected as one’s spouse and partner in journeying towards Jannah Paradise include:
1] Having the wrong intention when getting married:
Umar Ibn Al-Khattab RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, deeds are only with intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to Allah and His Messenger, his emigration is for Allah and His Messenger (SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, his emigration is for that to which he emigrated."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 54, Sahih Muslim 1907
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
The more sincere a Muslim female is in accepting the marriage proposal of a Muslim man and the more sincere a Muslim male is in wanting to marry a Muslim woman through approaching her male mahrams directly, Inn-sha-Allah the stronger is the likelihood of their marriage being intact and longer lasting instead of being very brief or temporary. A Muslim wife who may now and then feel upset by her husband’s shortcomings can willingly forgive him for Allah’s sake whenever she remembers her intention and good reasons for accepting to be his wife, just as a Muslim husband would remain steadfast and extremely patient for Allah’s sake with the flaws of his wife or wives, if he is legally married to more than one wife when he recalls his actual reason for wanting to start a righteous family with his wife or wives.
2] Being ignorant of many Islamic rulings or not putting effort in properly studying one’s religion Islam:
When Allah the Almighty wants to bestow goodness upon some of His believing servants, He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala would bless them with wisdom and grant them easy access to learning more about their religion. The more we exert effort in learning more about our religion Islam Inn-sha-Allah, the stronger our faith/Imaan levels become and as our faith/Imaan levels increase then Inn-sha-Allah we become less affected or less easily influenced by the various trials in this temporal life which occasionally come and go as brief examinations from Allah the All-Knowing to examine the strength of our faith/Imaan and the less we are prone to being misled by fluctuating emotions which mostly trigger the urge to ask for divorce when one feels that they can’t take certain struggles anymore.
Mu'awiyah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "If Allah intends goodness for someone, He gives him understanding of the religion."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 71
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The best of you are the best to their women."
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1978
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.”
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1162
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “I enjoin you to treat women well, for the woman was created from a rib and the most curved part of the rib is its highest point. If you try to straighten it, you will break it. If you leave it as it is, it will remain bent. Thus, I enjoin you to be good to women.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 3153
Sahih Muslim 1468
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whenever a woman asks her husband for a divorce without a strong reason, the fragrance of Paradise becomes forbidden for her."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2226
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātih 5/2125
Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife."
Source: Sahih Muslim 1467
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
From those narrations we Muslims understand that marriage in Islam is not something minor to be taken very lightly, but rather it is a sacred bond or covenant which one must strive to preserve and uphold for Allah’s sake out of respect for Him Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala Who destined that beautiful connection to take place. If more husbands and wives worldwide continue to learn more about Islam and apply the valuable lessons they have learned, obeying the command of the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam regarding being ideal spouses as righteous Muslims, then Inn-sha-Allah there would be less arguments and more chances for their marriage lives to thrive and prosper.
3] Lack of Taqwa (Fear of Allah the Almighty) while stubbornly persisting in committing both major and minor sins:
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Ar-Rum, verse 41:
“Corruption has spread on land and sea as a result of what people’s hands have done, so that Allah may cause them to taste ˹the consequences of˺ some of their deeds and perhaps they might return ˹to the Right Path˺.”
Allah the Almighty also said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Ash-Shoora, verse 30:
“Whatever affliction befalls you is because of what your own hands have committed. And He (Allah the Most Forgiving) pardons much.”
Some divorces occur when the husband finds out that his wife was involved in adultery or when his wife discovers that he has a forbidden relationship with one of his female colleagues whom he does not desire to take as a legal wife and this man has been lying deliberately to his wife regarding his loyalty. Zina and knowingly inventing lies are from the sins which we Muslims must avoid. If their doers do not repent from such despicable wrongdoings then Allah the Almighty may expose such servants to His punishment not only in this world but also in the next life if He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala does not forgive them.
Another consequence of not having sufficient faith/Imaan and Taqwa is being distant from Allah the Almighty. From the bad habits of people who are not close to Allah the Only One Who controls everything is to frequently neglect one’s morning and evening Adhkaar. The more regularly a Muslim says the morning and evening Dhikr, Inn-sha-Allah the more shielded they are and the farther they are from the bad effects of the evil eye, witchcraft or sorcery and the urge to indulge in fornication or adultery most of which lead to divorce.
4] Ignorance of the virtues of polygyny or when a man in a polygynous marriage does not know how to treat all his wives fairly:
Other cases of divorce take place when the husband fails to treat all his wives fairly if he is legally married to more than one wife or if one of his wives is ignorant of the numerous rewards of staying patient in one’s marriage if her husband is legally married to several wives. The solution to this problem is to educate oneself well about our religion Islam and to understand better Inn-sha-Allah why Allah the Most Wise allowed Muslim men who are capable to be married to up to four wives.
Five advantages of polygyny for Muslim husbands:
1] Increase in the number of pious Muslim children who can assist their families and become productive assets to the Muslim Ummah.
2] Improved wisdom and strengthened awareness of time management, money management and fair treatment when dealing with their large family.
3] Additional rewards gained in taking good care of their wives and kids, especially if some of the stepchildren were orphaned.
4] Ability for a husband to branch out his businesses in case he has several stores or companies in different cities. Each wife can support him by managing the separate branches if necessary.
5] Opportunity to enhance peaceful relations among Muslim communities when a husband marries women from different countries, racial backgrounds or tribes.
Five benefits of polygyny for the Muslim woman:
1] Ability to prove that her love for Allah the Almighty is far greater than her clinginess to her husband, while realizing she has the strength to not be controlled by her nafs/ego and emotions.
2] Strengthened faith/Imaan and increased level of patience when she humbly submits to Allah's Will, patiently accepts His Qadr/Destiny, and readily sacrifices her attachment to her spouse for an even better reward - Allah's Love and an elevated status in Jannah Paradise.
3] Additional rewards in striving to be patient with her husband's other wife/wives and half-siblings of her children.
4] More free-time and chances for her to relax from daily chores and marital obligations, particularly when she is unwell or busy with other tasks. The element of missing her spouse when he isn't around can also deepen her love for him, as there is a quote or saying that goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder." What keeps her admirably unwavering in this extraordinary love journey is her ongoing trust in Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and steadfast belief that she can Inn-sha-Allah enjoy an everlasting bond with her spouse in Jannah Paradise.
5] If she dies before her husband, her co-wives can Inn-sha-Allah look after her kids, particularly if they were close friends, and her children can Inn-sha-Allah stay connected with their half-siblings.
What advantages do the children in a polygynous marriage gain?
1] Understanding of the virtues of justice and time management, when they observe their father trying his best to treat his multiple wives for Allah’s sake as fairly as he possibly can.
2] Awareness of the beauty of patience, when they witness their mother trying her best to stay patient with the man whom Allah the Most Wise chose as her other half.
3] Improved capability to appreciate cooperation, unity and togetherness when they regularly interact with their father's other wives and children.
4] Open-minded attitude and respect towards people who come from the same tribe or country as their half-siblings.
5] They can Inn-sha-Allah work together with their half-siblings in Da'wah or business in the future, as long as they team up against shaytan who wants humanity to surrender to worldly greed, suspicion and envy.
5] Acting upon wrong advice given by a bad group of impious friends or loved ones who wish to mislead you or watch you go astray:
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
Oftentimes what leads to divorce in many communities is when a woman takes the wrong advice of some of her friends who envy her marriage life and wish that she ends up being divorced or single again like them, or when a man listens to the wrong suggestions of some of his friends at work or relatives just so they can have more time with him. Staying friends with people who do not strive to be closer to Allah the Almighty by doing more good deeds can have a devastating impact on one’s overall faith/Imaan, character and quality of marriage. Sometimes the friends of a married man may demand that he regularly eats with them at expensive restaurants while neglecting his wife or the long-time friends of a married woman may request that she leaves her husband for somebody else who visibly has more time for her and some may even suggest that this woman marries her brother so their families can merge for whatever intentions they may conceal. There can be many disadvantages for Muslims who are not careful when it comes to selecting the kind of individuals they willingly choose to spend time with.
Subsection Two: Common Outcomes or Negative Effects
of Those Causes That Lead to Divorce
1] The negative impact of having the wrong intention when getting married:
Being easily swayed to wanting to ask for divorce or considering divorce while overlooking its negative consequences.
2] The negative impact of being ignorant of many Islamic rulings or not putting effort in properly studying one’s religion Islam:
Being prone to committing so many avoidable errors in marriage and having a weak level of faith/Imaan which can result in making bad decisions due to lack of awareness concerning certain Islamic rules and regulations. In Islam, it is Sunnah and encouraged to pray two Sunnah Rak’aat units of Salat Al-Istikhaara before making any important decision in life.
If a Muslim consistently asks Allah the Almighty for help and guidance while they strive to adhere to the noble teachings of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam then Inn-sha-Allah many of their choices which they make for Allah’s sake become blessed and their hearts are more guaranteed to be protected and far away from fitna / evil desires and temptations.
3] The negative impact of not having any Taqwa (Fear of Allah the Almighty) while stubbornly persistent in committing both major and minor sins:
Frequently being a cause of misery to one’s spouse as well as one’s children or family members due to being involved in reprehensible actions which displease Allah the Almighty and which satisfy one’s enemy shaytan.
4] The negative impact of failure to understand the virtues of polygyny or when a man in a polygynous marriage refuses to treat all his wives fairly:
Being single again or separated becomes more attractive or advantageous to a person who misunderstands the beautiful concept of polygyny.
5] The negative impact of listening to bad advice given by an unreliable group of impious friends or relatives who wish to mislead you or watch you go astray:
Making wrong decisions such as hastily resorting to divorce without attempting to find effective solutions to one’s martial problems can come from being associated with bad people who do not want you to enjoy your marriage or live a better and more meaningful life than them.
Section Three: Some Ways Or Strategies To Avoid Divorce
Subsection One: Sharing Some Ways to Prevent Divorce
From my advice Inn-sha-Allah, as a Muslim wife who has been married for more than twenty years to my paternal cousin and who fully accepts the idea of my husband being lawfully married to up to four wives, I would advise Muslim spouses to:
1] Purify your niyyah / intention and ensure that you are marrying your spouse sincerely to please Only Allah the Almighty, not for selfish motives or worldly goals.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah An-Nisaa, verse 35:
“If you anticipate a split between them, appoint a mediator from his family and another from hers. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will restore harmony between them. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.”
2] Responsibly and sincerely make use of your free time to study our religion Islam through the right sources according to the teachings in the Noble Qur'an and Sunnah of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam.
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. People do not gather in the Houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying It together, but that tranquility will descend upon them, mercy will cover them, angels will surround them, and Allah will mention them to those near Him."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2699
Grade: Sahih
3] Do your best to strengthen your faith/Imaan and Taqwa (Fear of Allah the Almighty) and stay away from anything which could cause your faith/Imaan levels to decrease.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah At-Talaq, verses 2 and 3:
“...And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.”
4] Patiently accept polygyny for Allah's sake and understand the beautiful wisdom behind why Allah the Most Wise legislated capable Muslim men to be married to up to four wives.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah An-Nisaa, verse 3:
“If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice.”
5] Carefully select your close friends and never welcome advice from anybody if their suggestions could mislead you in both worlds.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Furqaan, verses 28 and 29:
“Woe to me! I wish I had never taken so-and-so as a close friend. It was he who truly made me stray from the Reminder after it had reached me.” And shaytan (our enemy the devil) has always betrayed humanity.”
6] Sincerely maintain strong connection with our Only God and Creator Allah the Almighty and say lots of Du’a every day and night, asking Allah the All-Hearing to always protect and bless your marriage, especially while fasting and when praying Tahajjud Qiyaam Al-Layl.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Furqaan, verse 74:
“(They are) those who pray, “Our Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models (noble examples) for the righteous.””
7] Actively avoid the places and people whose negative presence may distance us from Allah’s Love. Avoid anything which could lead to fitna and adultery or discontentment with one’s spouse.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah An-Nur, verse 21:
“O believers! Do not follow the footsteps of shaytan. Whoever follows shaytan’s footsteps, then ˹let them know that˺ he surely bids ˹all to˺ immorality and wickedness. Had it not been for Allah’s Grace and Mercy upon you, none of you would have ever been purified. But Allah purifies whoever He wills. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”
Subsection Two:
Positive Outcomes of Avoiding Divorce and
Choosing Patience for Allah's Sake in Married Life
Seven advantages of courageously choosing to stay patient in one’s marriage life for Allah’s sake instead of rushing to divorce:
1] Showing contentment with Allah’s Decree, as a grateful Muslim servant, and being satisfied with the person whom Allah the Most Wise wisely chose for us as our spouse.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah At-Tawbah, verse 100:
“As for the foremost—the first of the Emigrants and the Helpers—and those who follow them in goodness, Allah is pleased with them and they are pleased with Him. And He has prepared for them Gardens under which rivers flow, to stay there forever and ever. That is the ultimate triumph.”
2] Earning more rewards Inn-sha-Allah for showing and maintaining patience for Allah’s sake.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Az-Zumar, verse 10:
“Say ˹O Prophet (Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), that Allah says˺, “O My servants who believe! Be mindful of your Lord (Allah the Almighty). Those who do good in this world will have a good reward. And Allah’s earth is spacious. Only those who endure patiently will be given their reward without limit.””
3] Honoring Allah’s Wisdom and Decisions while trusting Allah the Almighty and always believing that He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala can grant solutions to one’s difficulties in life including marital problems.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Ghaafir, verse 60:
“Your Lord (Allah the Almighty) has proclaimed, “Call upon Me, I will respond to you. Surely those who are too proud to worship Me will enter Hell, fully humbled.””
4] Protecting Muslim communities from the devastating impacts of increasing divorce rates. The more broken families there are in a society, the more complicated certain matters become due to the unsettling rise in the number of emotionally unstable individuals.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Al-Maaidah, verse 91:
“shaytan’s plan is to stir up hostility and hatred between you with intoxicants and gambling and to prevent you from remembering Allah and praying. Will you not then abstain?”
5] Being from the special minority or few guided Muslim families who give a good image for polygyny in Islam instead of spoiling the reputation of the permissibility of polygyny.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah An-Nisaa, verse 129:
“You will never be able to maintain ˹emotional˺ justice between your wives—no matter how keen you are. So do not totally incline towards one leaving the other in suspense. And if you do what is right and are mindful ˹of Allah˺, surely Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
6] The number of united Muslim families in Muslim communities Inn-sha-Allah increasing means stronger possibility of a more united or unified Muslim Ummah nation, and the stronger the Muslims are if they cooperate with each other against our enemy shaytan and his allies who are entertained when Muslims fight and disunite.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Aal-’Imran, verse 110:
“You are the best community ever raised for humanity—you encourage good, forbid evil, and believe in Allah. Had the People of the Book believed, it would have been better for them. Some of them are faithful, but most are rebellious.”
7] Displaying patience for Allah’s sake in marriage also implies that the Muslim clearly prefers Allah’s Love over His servants’ affection and gives more preference to eternal bliss in Jannah Paradise instead of unreasonably wanting every situation in this temporary world to be “perfect” or “flawles”.
Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah Ghaafir, verse 39:
“O my people! This worldly life is only ˹a fleeting˺ enjoyment, whereas the Hereafter is truly the home of settlement.”
And Allah the Almighty said in the Noble Qur’an, Surah At-Tawbah, verse 72:
“Allah has promised the believers, both men and women, Gardens under which rivers flow, to stay there forever, and splendid homes in the Gardens of Eternity, and—above all—the pleasure of Allah. That is ˹truly˺ the ultimate triumph.”
Summary
To answer the questions asked in one of the previous pages Inn-sha-Allah:
Question: Why should marriage be valued for the sake of Allah rather than being taken lightly?
Answer: Because we believe that Allah the Almighty is the One Who destined that beautiful connection and He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala witnessed us entering into marriage for His sake. We should not instantly resort to divorce because our enemy shaytan is mainly the one who is pleased whenever Muslim spouses separate, when Muslims avoid applying patience and instead overreact hastily to negative emotions such as jealousy, anger and undue suspicion.
Question: What are the negative effects of divorce on the individual and on the Muslim society as a whole?
Answer: Usually if a person is not close to Allah the Almighty then that person’s level of faith/Imaan can decrease and their self-esteem is weakened when they go through divorce which typically comes with so many challenges and setbacks. Some Muslim societies or communities may deteriorate if there are a lot of divorce cases because many divorcees generally end up with children that portray behavioral issues while they are unable to properly function as positive, contented and emotionally healthy citizens. Without a doubt there are much more disadvantages of divorcing than remaining married for Allah’s sake with rewarding patience and gratitude.
Question: What are some of the reasons why some Muslims choose divorce instead of trying to resolve marital disputes?
Answer: Sadly a number of people sign on divorce papers when they do not realize the vast devastating consequences of divorcing or some of them wrongly assume that divorce can make them a lot happier than staying patient in an unsatisfactory marriage, unaware that divorce usually leads to more stress, problems and remorse. Many Muslims may feel too lazy to search for solutions to their marital problems because they lack sufficient knowledge of our religion Islam and a lot of them are still ignorant of the virtues of marriage and patience.
Question: What are some ways to remain contented in marriage, or what are some tips to avoid divorce?
Answer: From the many ways to stay contented for Allah’s sake in marriage is to regularly remind oneself of one’s actual purpose of accepting the marriage proposal and to remember that one’s spouse is also a human being with the inevitable tendency to make some mistakes and forget now and then. One should also recall the virtues of forgiving one’s Muslim spouse for Allah’s sake and realize that if they want Allah the Most Forgiving to pardon them, they must also be very forgiving of their spouse and look forward to enjoying their perfect version in Jannah Paradise. One of the many strategies to reduce the likelihood of considering divorce besides consistently educating oneself about one’s religion Islam so one’s faith Imaan levels are strengthened which can Inn-sha-Allah enable them to withstand better any trial or challenge they may occasionally encounter in their life and marital life is to learn from the mistakes of divorcees who were too hasty in asking for divorce and most broken families ended up in regret. There is no joy in frequently passing by your former spouse and having a flashback of memories that you both used to enjoy together then realizing how a gigantic portion of your time and money was wasted on something that resulted in remorseful separation due to greed, selfishness, pride or arrogance, refusal to humbly reconcile, and impatience - one of the worst traits which our enemy shaytan loves.
Question: What are the benefits that a Muslim can gain, God willing, in both this temporary life and in the eternal life in Paradise if they choose to remain patient in marriage for the sake of Allah the Almighty?
Answer: By choosing to protect one’s marriage and stay humbly patient for Allah’s sake with one’s spouse, the Muslim makes it admirably clear that they desire Allah’s Love much more than the affection of their human spouse while the kind of love they have for their spouse is far heavier or more prominent than their ego. Such kind of pure love for Allah’s sake enables them to not only remain patient in their marriage life but also throughout their journey on earth towards Jannah Paradise. Being blessed with the notable quality of patience can make a Muslim more loved to Allah the Almighty and when Allah the Most Merciful loves some of His believing servants He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala bestows upon them more guidance and access to attaining authentic Islamic knowledge that can with Allah’s Will benefit their souls in both worlds.
Acknowledgements
Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever does not thank the people has not thanked Allah."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4811
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Ahmed Shakir
I would like to first thank Allah the Almighty for granting me some ability to understand some words in Arabic language and for giving me the opportunity to study and learn more about Islam particularly about the correct belief according to the understanding of the pious predecessors.
Alhamdulillah I am grateful to my dear parents (May Allah the Almighty have mercy on both of them and reunite us with them in Jannatul Ferdaus with Allah’s Mercy. Ameen.) for encouraging me to learn Arabic language despite not being a native speaker of the Arabic language. I would like to thank my family and relatives who stayed patient with me and also the educators as well as the hardworking founders of Markaz Ibn Al-Qayyim for generously giving access to eager Muslim learners to discover more about our religion Islam. I thank them Alhamdulillah for the PDF documents which I have downloaded and many of which I have read and will Inn-sha-Allah continue reading whenever I can to review and enhance my knowledge of Tawheed - the key to Jannah Paradise and the reason why we were created which is to worship Only Allah the Almighty without associating partners with Him Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala in worship.
I ask Allah the Most Kind to accept this humble effort from me as a sadaqa jaariya, to forgive me if I mentioned anything incorrectly or gave some misinformation, and I pray that whoever reads this their faith/Imaan is increased and they are reminded of our true purpose in life which is to keep worshipping and pleasing Only Allah the Almighty regardless of our marital status. Ameen.
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