💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 One of the signs of a well-mannered adult, who tries to excel at adulting or maintaining basic good manners, is knowing when to speak and when to refrain from expressing oneself unnecessarily. Supposing you and a number of your friends decided to meet at a mutual friend's house, after several months of not seeing each other face to face, then you notice a friend of yours has gained so much weight. Would you comment on her obvious weight gain saying something like, "I see you've been very productive during quarantine. Look at you! You're all fat now! I barely recognized you with those chubby cheeks." or will you keep your discriminatory thoughts to yourself, understanding maybe they've gone through loads of stress due to what's going on, and emotional eating is their way to destress?
If you saw your friend's face covered in acne, would you audaciously question them "What happened to your skin? Are those pimples or allergies? Let me guess, you're in love!" or would you tactfully be quiet about any facial defects while still appreciating their inner beauty?
Certain statements are better left unsaid, as some remarks could contribute to an acquaintance no longer trusting you, or their level of respect for you decreases every time they catch you babbling in an offensive manner. It's usually a bunch of lies, insults or backhanded compliments that ruin potential friendships. Even if a friend intends to make others laugh with their witty comments, a friendship is more likely to last longer if everyone in the group feels at ease and secure.
Naturally you'd regard somebody as toxic if you feel unsafe, uncomfortable and self-conscious around them, particularly if the last time you hung out they kept bugging you about your outward appearance, taste in clothing, accent, body size, opinions without a reasonable cause except to criticize you for not being their exact duplicate.
🔹 When can we, as Muslims, comment on someone's actions, behavior or decisions:
1) If they're doing something haraam/forbidden or bid'ah which clearly goes against Allah's Commands.
2) If what they're doing produces harm to themselves or other humans, whether they are aware or not.
3) If they're doing something halal/permissible or lawful but you can sense they don't really enjoy it. Part of loving someone for Allah's sake is to ensure they don't disrespect themselves by carrying out tasks which contradict their values.
🔹 When is silence recommended instead of criticizing an individual:
1) If you feel like judging them for how Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala created them. Why criticize another human for something which they can't fully control?
2) If you want to open your mouth and fabricate a lousy joke just to side with the insecure bullies who are being obnoxiously judgmental.
3) If your criticism won't help you at all nor benefit the subject you want to offend.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest.”
In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, “Let him not harm his neighbor.”
And in another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Let him uphold family ties.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5672
Sahih Muslim 47
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Charity is due upon every joint of the people for every day upon which the sun rises. Justly reconciling two people is charity. Helping a man with his animal (or transportation) and lifting his luggage upon it is charity. A kind word is charity. Every step that you take towards the mosque is charity, and removing harmful things from the road is charity."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 2827
Sahih Muslim 1009
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim