Notes: Tips On How To Deal With Insults And Criticism

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 Note: Insults are hateful remarks meant to upset you.
Some of them are just lies, while others may contain truth.
The following are tips to deal with verbal abuse,
From one who can't vibe with those who are unkind and rude:
~•~
When told you're "useless", "unproductive", "good for nothing",
Let them know you serve Only Allah, not His servants.
To obey Allah, you don't need people's agreement.
Keep serving Allah in spite of His slaves' derision.
~•~
When numbers claim you're "ugly", "plain", or "not good-looking",
Let inner beauty glow with patience and contentment,
Thank Allah Who preordained your unique appearance,
And know your critics too are flawed with imperfections.
~•~
When notified you reek or emit perspiration,
Affirm their judgment and know they're not always fragrant,
Liquids their bodies release don't have flowery scent.
Their self-hate is proven when they bash other humans.
~•~
When informed you're "poor", "so weird", "boring" or "ignorant",
Respond to eye-rolls and censure with indifference.
Clearly they don't know you. Facts differ from assumptions.
Aim to please Allah. Don't entertain false opinions.
~•~
Regard each insult as a tool for self-improvement,
Or take it as a remedy to strengthen patience.
So what if some foes hate you? Welcome their rejection,
Source of inspiration to have your Imaan strengthened.
~•~
Know that shunning those who toy around with our feelings
Is wise training to trust Allah and seek His Guidance,
While enhancing our aptitude to abandon sins.
The One Who can judge us is Allah the All-Knowing.
~•~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest."
In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Let him not harm his neighbor."
And in another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Let him uphold family ties."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5672, Sahih Muslim 47
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, Allah will harm him. Whoever is harsh with others, Allah will be harsh with him."
Source: Al-Sunan Al-Kubrá 11070
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Albani
📖 Harithah ibn Wahb RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Shall I not tell you about the inhabitants of Paradise? Every meek, humble person, but if they swore an oath by Allah, he would fulfill it. Shall I not tell you about the inhabitants of Hellfire? Every cruel, rude, and arrogant person."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 4634, Sahih Muslim 2853
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Poem: It Takes Lots Of Strength To Be A Loyal Wife.

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 Where there is love for Allah's sake, there will be some fights -
Frequent battles against my nafs and furious desires,
Fighting back the tears that focus on what is not right,
Striving to fulfill my goal to be a faithful wife.
~•~
Where there's darkness, I remind myself, there will be light,
Like glowing stars smiling brightly in dark skies at night.
If my spouse ever makes me cry, myself I'd advise
To stay strong for Allah, stay as my man's loyal wife.
~•~
Where sadness lingers, somehow joy follows with delight,
With lots of patience each time I wait and sacrifice.
Comforting my soul with trust in Allah and His Might,
I tell myself, "Sabran ya nafsee, be that strong wife."
~•~
Where there's confusion, explanation can come to light,
Through supplications to Allah every day and night.
As trials arise and life becomes more dramatized,
I recall my aim to be my man's devoted wife.
~•~
Where there are difficulties, there's blessing in disguise.
After hardship comes ease. Never give up. Try, then strive.
Allah may want to raise your status in Paradise,
By testing you. Thus stay as your husband's pious wife.
~*~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātīḥ 5/2125

Note: Advice On How Not To Get Offended Easily

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: How can I stop being too sensitive? When someone insults me, criticizes or laughs at me, I tend to cry easily. What should I do to develop a thicker skin?
📝 Answer: Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala created His servants differently, each one with their own set of special traits, qualities, struggles, strengths and temperament. The four caliphs Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq, Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab, Ali Ibn Abi Talib and Uthman Ibn 'Affaan RadhiAllahu 'anhum had different characteristics and not all of them were exactly similar in terms of courage, physical strength, resilience, softness and generosity.
Your quality of being sensitive is what makes you unique. Don't be ashamed of how Allah the Almighty made you. You can use your sensitivity in a positive way by using it to better deal with others tactfully, sympathize with people's needs and demonstrate compassion whenever you can.
🔸 To not get affected nor feel bothered by what critics say:
° Remind yourself that your goal in life is to please Only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. If some people try to offend you because they're not happy with you, so long as you're not disobeying Allah in any way, then don't pay any attention to people's insults, especially if their criticism happen to be lies that do not describe you.
° What people say about you and how they treat you actually reflect their current inner state and values. If some strangers or acquaintances treat you rudely, while you've never done anything wrong to them previously, note that they're either having a stressful day and they're immaturely passing on their misery unto you, they had a terrible upbringing or went through some sort of abuse, or they're low-key envious of the achievements you have or positive things you can do. Feel sorry for them. Thank Allah that He didn't make you an insecure bully and you're not in their shoes.
° Mere words and offensive statements cannot harm you as long as you don't give your haters permission to make you feel bad. Every time an obnoxious individual with zero good morals opens their mouth to insult you, try to guess where they're coming from. Are they criticizing you to feel better about their miserable selves? Practicing some words to expand their vocabulary? Is their snide remark or mockery meant to emphasize their jealousy? Or are they giving honest advice so you can improve as a Muslim, but they're saying it harshly? If a person's motive of criticizing you is to assist you in self-development, appreciate their concern and be strong enough to welcome constructive feedback. On the other hand, if some people are just insulting you for the sake of being randomly rude, imagine they're struggling patients at a mental hospital who don't know how to control what they say or do to you. Walk away from their nonsense with patience. Don't bother arguing with people who are ignorant of good Islamic values. Some girls simply hate a woman who seems to outdo, surpass or outshine them. Continue shining with vibrant confidence, Sabr and contentment.
Concentrate on striving to be the best version of yourself for Allah's sake as a Muslim, uninterested in people's approval, judgment and compliments.
📖 Abdullah Bin Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:
"The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hands the Muslims are safe."
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhari 10 Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
📖 Amr Ibn Absah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, what is Islam?” The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "That you surrender your heart to Allah and that the Muslims are safe from your tongue and hands."
Source: Shu’ab Al-Imān 20 Grade: Sahih

Note: More Reflections On The MBTI Typing Theory

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 A sister in Islam asked me if I could provide more info on the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality typing theory, so I'm answering her question here in case others are curious to know what it is. The first time I took the MBTI test years ago I got ESTP as my result. ESTP described how I used to be back in my teenage years and early 20s. Initiating group games like Truth or Dare, playing pranks for fun and joining casual soccer/football matches with female students from different grades were some of the activities I formerly enjoyed. After some time my MBTI type changed into ESTJ. One of the experiences I've had as an ESTJ teacher included coaching around 30 or more high school boys to sing a nasheed called "Allahu Akbar", only to cancel the performance just before the event because I thought some people may falsely accuse us of being something we're not. As time went by, after being disappointed in realizing how untrustworthy some individuals were, my MBTI personality type gradually transformed into INTJ. Or maybe I was mistyped and didn't answer the MBTI tests properly. If INTJ has been my personality type since I was a kid, then that could explain my inability to get hurt easily after the numerous verbal bullying I went through for some time (was temporarily bullied in elementary school being the only Filipino student among Saudis and Arabs prior to transferring to English international schools), my interest in reading various articles in Britannica and Encarta encyclopedia, and experimenting with random HTML codes when managing my archived online advice journal at TeenOpenDiary .com
Since INTJs are among the rarest of the 16 MBTI personality types (only very few individuals are INTJs), it can be challenging to encounter somebody whom we identify with or relate to.
Some weird things I do as an INTJ:
1] Despite having a cellphone without an active SIM card (at least for now), my phone is almost always set to airplane mode. Strangely I'm not the kind of person whom you can count on to answer text messages immediately upon reading them.
2] While I enjoy planning group outings and gatherings with a few sisters in Islam, I don't mind it if an outing, appointment or get-together gets cancelled. I understand the cancellation is either for our own good, the timing isn't ideal yet, or there is a better alternative
Inn-sha-Allah in the future.
3] I am okay Alhamdulillah with polygyny and don't consider the second wife as a "homewrecker". While some of my relatives thought my husband was cheating on me when they spotted him with another woman outdoors (I was around 26 years old that time), I wasn't the least bit surprised, like I saw it coming when I previously gave him permission to remarry.
By knowing what your MBTI is, you can have a clearer understanding of why you behave in a certain way compared to other individuals, particularly those whom you find it difficult to get along with peacefully. In my case I've clashed with several ISFPs and ESFPs who probably thought of me as "arrogant", "selfish" or "too strict" while I found them to be unreliable at times, too focused on how they feel at present and not concerned enough about the outcomes of defying reasonable rulings. Alhamdulillah just because someone's MBTI type is likely to conflict with yours, it doesn't mean there's no possibility at all to befriend them. Friendship takes place when two souls mutually respect each other and love one another genuinely for Allah's sake, regardless of their age gap, marital status, difference in interests and temperament.
You can Inn-sha-Allah discover what your MBTI type is by taking any of the following tests:
🔸 https://www.123test.com/jung-personality-test/
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Note: Virtues Of Controlling One's Anger

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 While having the last word and winning a debate can make one feel "in control", and striking an aggravating person with a violent punch makes one feel "powerful", acting upon anger without carefully thinking of the consequences shows lack of self-discipline. If you can't control what goes on inside you, such as your thoughts and fluctuating moods, it won't be easy to ensure that outside circumstances remain under control.
It took me several efforts of apologizing to some individuals whom I've offended in the past, random researches on anger management, and cancelled arguments with my husband, substituting the urge to quarrel with compassionate willingness to be patient, to realize that a bad temper isn't worth getting into trouble or losing the people whom I care about.
I am Inn-sha-Allah learning to implement the following principles concerning anger issues:
1] Instead of rushing to react angrily to someone's misconduct, pause and distance yourself from the object or subject trying to trigger a negative reaction. Imagine looking at yourself from another individual's point of view. Better yet, visualize if the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam was right in front of you observing, would you still demonstrate your feelings of fury be put into action or would you alter the move you're about to make, and carefully construct your statements?
2] Say "A'oodhu Billaahi min ash-shaytan ar-rajeem", do the opposite of what shaytan wants you to do, and avoid the places where angry emotions are likely to develop.
3] Ignoring toxic people and showing no interest in engaging with troublemakers are safer options for your heart, mind and soul than to insist on arguing with them, proving you're the one who's correct, and doing whatever you can to emphasize your ego is larger than theirs.
Choosing your battles wisely and training yourself to not lose your cool can prevent you from losing your job, unnecessary misunderstandings, long-term grudges, divorce, and broken friendships. It is better to struggle in maintaining patience for a brief moment than to be regretful for a lifetime due to missing out on an opportunity or behaving improperly because of impatience.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong are not those who are good at wrestling. Verily, the truly strong one is the one who controls himself during anger."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5763, Sahih Muslim 2609
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man came to the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and he said, “Advise me.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not be angry.” The man repeated his request and the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not be angry.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5765
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
📖 Abu Dharr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said to us, "If one of you is angry while he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will leave him; otherwise, let him lay down."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4782
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani