💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
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🗒️ Question: I've been through two divorces then after some time my ex-husbands approached a number of my biological brothers asking for a remarriage. While I agree that both of them have a lot of merits and handsome qualities, I'm confused regarding whose second marriage proposal I should accept. What questions can I ask myself to determine which guy deserves another chance to be with me?
📝 Answer: Firstly, purify your niyyah/intention concerning your willingness to reconcile with one of them for Allah's sake then ask yourself these questions after you've prayed two Sunnah Rak'ahs of Salat Al-Istikhaara and supplicate to Allah the Most Wise asking Him Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala to guide you to making the best decision:
1. Which of the two Muslim men do you believe is a lot more like a special gift and blessing from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala than a test?
2. Which of them is more effective at directly and indirectly inspiring you to become a better Muslimah in many ways?
3. Which of them is more loved and accepted by both of your parents?
4. Which of them can you sense is more eager to sincerely learn about Islam and teach you whatever they have learned whenever they can?
5. Which of them are you more comfortable around and contented being seen with whether outdoors or indoors, and among relatives and strangers etc.
6. Which of them is better at giving useful advice and you've witnessed their loving gestures a lot of times?
7. Which of them evidently shows more concern about the well-being of their faith Imaan and yours? Who from them is a lot more enthusiastic about passing Allah's tests and wanting to succeed with you in the next life than showcasing undue attachment to dunya?
8. Which of them is easier to forgive and love authentically for Allah's sake?
9. Which of them is currently working in a profession or field that can
Inn-sha-Allah bring them and you closer to pleasing Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala (e.g. being employed in a clinic, earning halal income as an ustadh or teacher at an Islamic school etc.)?
10. Which of them has more loved ones and relatives who clearly support his request to remarry?
11. Which of them is obviously less demanding, toxic and overbearing? Who from them is more caring, patient and understanding of you?
12. Which of them brings you more tranquility and true contentment from within?
13. Which of them has more female relatives such as sisters and female cousins whom you think you can trust and/or talk to easily?
The guy whose name appears more frequently than the other can be the one whom you remarry for Allah's sake, particularly if thinking about reconciling with your ex doesn't come with an ounce of guilt, hesitance, doubt, shame and remorse.
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📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātīḥ 5/2125
📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife."
Source: Sahih Muslim 1467
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman otherwise you will be a loser."
Sahih Al-Bukhari 5090
In-book reference: Book 67 Hadith 28
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 27