💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: What advice can you give regarding occasionally feeling jealous of my half-siblings? I probably wouldn’t feel as envious if it was evident that our father treats us fairly. It is obvious that he gets to spend more quality time with them than with me. Am I committing a sin every time I envy them?
📝 Answer: Negative feelings of jealousy are often triggered when you believe that you’ve been treated unfairly because a certain person has more of something than you or they were able to attain something which you have been striving to achieve. Envy is common among some co-wives when their husband doesn’t put enough effort into making it clear that he’s trying his best to take good care of them all equally. A lot of married Muslims are prone to envy when they don’t truly understand what fairness in Islam actually entails.
Being fair in polygyny doesn’t necessarily oblige the husband to give the exact amount and size of something to each of his wives, but to strive to provide every wife of his with what she really requires, and people’s needs aren’t always alike.
Visualize five students of the same grade, but from different schools, answering some questions in an examination hall. While they are taking the tests, the proctor or invigilator distributes several items to the students, and what they distributed are not entirely the same. Student 1 receives a protractor and drawing compass, student 2 receives three blank sheets of paper, student 3 receives a large set of colored markers, student 4 receives two highlighters and a ruler, while student 5 doesn’t receive anything until he asks for a sharpener. Would you say that the person who was distributing deserves to be described as “unfair” when the reason why they didn’t give all the examinees exactly the same item is because not all of their exams were similar and each student was given only what they required to pass the test they were taking? No. The proctor or invigilator treated the students as fairly as they could because they ensured that each student is given enough time to complete answering the questions in their test, each student has a right to keep their answers confidential and undisclosed to the other examinees, and each student has their own seat and desk to work on. Additional tools and supplies are granted depending on each student’s needs and circumstances.
Train yourself to believe that Allah the Almighty is the Most Just and He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala doesn’t allow anything on earth to take place unless He wants it decreed. What you and your half-siblings go through have already been predestined by Allah the Most Wise even years before you were born. While you can’t control Allah’s Qadr/Destiny, you can still aim to be an obedient servant of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala by accepting what He destines with rewarding patience/Sabr and contentment.
Being contented with what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala chooses to give you doesn’t mean you must pretend to be happy with less than what you think you deserve but, because you’re a Muslim Alhamdulillah, you submit to Allah’s Will, patiently accept what Allah grants you or withholds from you, and look forward to earning more of Allah’s Love and peaceful admittance to Jannah Paradise where you can enjoy whatever your soul desires.
Other tips to deal with feeling jealous of your half-siblings once in a while:
1] Know that envy is one of the despicable traits of our enemy shaytan who envied Prophet Adam ‘alaihis salaam since the beginning of Adam’s creation. From the ways to show enmity to shaytan is to differ from him as much as possible and avoid what causes him to rejoice.
2] Realize that Inn-sha-Allah we will not be held accountable for how we feel but for what we decide to do based on our feelings.
You’re not committing a sin if you feel sad whenever you miss some loved ones, but you would be sinning if your sadness leads to intentional self-injury. Since your body has been entrusted to you by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala, purposely injuring yourself as a way to express distress is a sign you don’t respect what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala has granted you.
You’re not guilty of a sin if one day you found yourself feeling attracted to or “having a crush on” a person who reminds you of yourself or who has many admirable qualities, but you would be committing a sin if your feelings of attraction pressure you to do an action which ultimately leads to zina (fornication / adultery).
The fact that you sometimes feel jealous of your half-siblings indicates you’re only human, and you actually care about spending time with your father, because if you never cared about your dad, those occasional feelings of jealousy wouldn’t bother you in the first place. You’re not committing a sin simply by feeling envious from time to time, as long as your jealous emotions do not provoke you into doing something which would displease Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala and His noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, such as indulging in bullying or gossip, or vocally criticizing Allah’s Qadr/Decree.
3] Comfort yourself by knowing that although your half-siblings get to spend more quality time with your dad, you still have a lot of blessings to thank Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala for, such as plentiful opportunities to learn more about Islam and the correct ‘Aqeedah, a strong personality that is not easily affected by criticism, and at least one righteous Muslim friend (your mother, an auntie, your future spouse etc.) who oftentimes mentions you in their loving Du’as/supplications.
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📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah has pardoned my nation for what occurs within themselves (indecent thoughts, inappropriate imaginations, or unavoidable feelings), as long as they do not speak of it or act upon it."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6287
Sahih Muslim 127
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way to not belittle the favors of Allah."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6125
Sahih Muslim 2963
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of envy, for it erases good deeds just as fire devours wood or grass."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4903
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Faith and envy do not combine within a believing servant."
In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Greed and faith are never combined in the heart of a servant."
Source: Sunan Al-Nasā’ī 3109
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani