Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Tips: Some Advice On How To Cope With Friendship Groups Of 3 Or 5 So You Don't Feel Like The "Third Wheel"

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 
🗒️ Some advice from an INTJ-A on how to stay confident, for Allah's sake, when you're in a group of three or five friends, some tips on how to not feel "left out" occasionally: 
1. Always remember that the main purpose of our existence is to worship and serve our Only Creator Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, not our ego, not our feelings and surely not anybody from society. 
2. When two of your friends are having an audible conversation with each other while you believe that the topic which they're discussing could involve you, such as school projects or plans for an Eid gathering, you can attentively listen to their discussion with willingness to learn something valuable and comment or ask questions when necessary. Otherwise, if whatever they're chatting about is currently something you can't relate to, you may utilize your cellphone productively or instead quietly look around your surroundings while saying Dhikr until their next subject being discussed involves you. 
3. Avoid appearing annoyingly clingy and desperate, as if your entire livelihood and self-contentment depend on their connection with you. How Allah the Almighty sees us is much more important than how fellow imperfect slaves perceive us. 
Know when to appropriately speak while acquaintances are around and be humble enough to respect certain boundaries as much as you can. There's no need to nosily inquire about all the details if two or more of your friends are talking about something that is irrelevant to your goals and attempting to disrupt the flow of their dialogue would only make them feel uneasy.
4. Appreciate the fact that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has blessed you with other souls, including your loving parents and/or supportive spouse, whom you also care about for Allah's sake and they value your occasional input or contributions. This trio or tiny circle of friends shouldn't be the only group that you're willing to network with. It's possible to remain in touch with them while there are instances when you somehow feel like an outsider, due to dissimilarity in terms of your primary interests, yet you still maintain stable friendships with other Muslims who probably reside in a different city and/or with a number of your cousins. 
5. Since you're already aware of how "feeling left out" feels, courageously and confidently use that as an effective reminder to never treat others in the same obnoxious manner as those two or more individuals have treated you whether their ostracizing was done unknowingly, unintentionally or deliberately for no other reason than pacifying their insecurities or intense envy towards you.
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📖 Narrated 'Abdullah RadhiAllahu 'anhu: The noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "When you are three persons sitting together, then no two of you should hold secret counsel excluding (on purpose) the third person until you are with some other people too, for that would grieve (sadden/upset) him."
Reference: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6290
In-book reference: Book 79, Hadith 62
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 8, Book 74, Hadith 305
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah (The Almighty) than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah (The Almighty) has decreed what He (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2664
Grade: Sahih (Authentic)