💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: As a wife in polygyny, how can I stop feeling jealous of my husband's other wives?
📝 Answer: Whether you're the first wife, second, third or fourth wife, it is part of human nature to experience feelings of jealousy now and then. According to some reports it is proven that 'Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha felt somewhat jealous of Khadija RadhiAllahu 'anha even after the first wife of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam passed away.
It is normal to feel triggered by jealousy occasionally, especially if you're in a polygynous marriage where you and other women love the same hardworking, handsome, and caring man. What is abominable is to act upon envy, to misbehave when overwhelmed by jealous sentiments and to mistreat another Muslim due to envying them.
Some examples of misconduct that a co-wife who hatefully envies you would do include:
1) Treating you rudely, deliberately ignoring you or not giving you your rights like answering your salaam, and intentionally making you feel excluded or left out whenever she can. If she organizes a social gathering, outing or meeting, she makes sure that you're not invited. She tries to make you feel awful as a way to comfort her struggle with feeling jealously threatened.
2) She encourages the friends in her circle to despise you, to avoid you and view you negatively. Her self-sabotaging envy is what causes her to spread rumors concerning you to pacify her insecurities. When others backbite or talk about you badly, instead of defending you, she obnoxiously giggles and chimes in with additional insulting remarks to spoil your reputation. Jealousy causes this insecure woman to enjoy ridiculing you, gossiping and backbiting.
3) Because she hates you out of jealousy, she can't stand to see you happy. Your accomplishments and pleasant qualities are a threat to her. Congratulating you on achieving something is awfully difficult for her to do. Although you may be friends on Facebook, she rarely reacts to your status updates yet ironically she stalks your timeline with furious resentment. The only time she leaves a comment or sends a message is when she wants to criticize you or question you about a post which she insecurely assumes is about her.
4) Since she hates your guts, she's willing to do anything that could upset you, whether it's stealing from you or your ideas, breaking her promises too often so you can't trust her anymore, and encouraging your husband to neglect you.
5) A jealous co-wife would do whatever it takes to destroy your self-esteem by acting like a toxic friend, regularly texting you with romantic photos of her and the husband you both share, giving you all the unnecessary details of how the man of the household spoils her with luxury gifts and how much she enjoys being with him. She could also purposely offer false tips and wrong advice to ensure that you don't do well in marriage or to see you fail in life.
Acting upon jealousy not only erases a Muslim's good deeds, but it also weakens the bonds of Muslim communities.
🌺 In order to prevent yourself from responding to negative feelings of envy, always remember that:
1) Allah Subhaanahu wa Taa'ala created everyone differently. Rather than comparing yourself to another Muslim, be grateful for what Allah the Almighty chose to give you. Focus on passing your own tests with Sabr/patience and Shukr/gratitude, instead of yearning for the examinations of other people.
2) Appreciate what you already have and concentrate on improving yourself with whatever Allah the Most Wise gave you rather than complaining about what you're lacking.
While Allah the Most Loving made your co-wife successful in a business that she manages, Allah the Most Merciful blessed you with many pious Muslim kids. If your co-wife received a new apartment, recall all the good times you spent with your husband, specially when you traveled a lot in the previous years, and cherish every single moment in which you spend time together. If you don't have a child yet, while your co-wife has twins or triplets, remember that there are other women worldwide who struggle with finding a righteous man for marriage. Train yourself to stay patient for Allah's sake, and contented, submissively accepting whatever Allah destined.
3) Instead of seeing your co-wife as an opponent, competition, or homewrecker, consider her as an inspiration, encouragement for you to earn more rewards by enhancing Sabr, and strive for Allah's sake to mutually work against shaytan by doing your best to keep this polygynous marriage strong.
4) The better of two wives isn't the one who receives the most affection, gifts and attention from the husband, but the wife who strives to be closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, and who can successfully implement rewarding patience.
5) The more you realize how this world is only temporary and the more you desire Jannah eagerly, the easier it is for you go through any difficulty in polygyny patiently, and the more you avoid anything that could lead to envy, since you don't want to waste any of your good deeds, particularly by behaving unjustly and insecurely.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of envy, for it devours good deeds just as fire devours wood or grass."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4903
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Envy destroys good deeds just as fire destroys wood. Charity extinguishes sins just as water extinguishes fire. Prayer is the light of the believer and fasting is his shield from the Hellfire."
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4210
📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "He has succeeded who embraces Islam, whose provision is sufficient, and who is content with what Allah has given him."
Source: Sahih Muslim 1054
Grade: Sahih
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Ibn Asakir
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