بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
❓ Question: List 13 reasons why a number of Muslim females are very much willing to become second wives of Muslim men who already have first wives and even a child or some kids, particularly if they are asaatidh or active in the field of Da'wah (inviting others to Islam and teaching people about our religion) - what makes many of those women okay with being 2nd wives? What are 15 advice and tips you can give to the first wives to be more accepting of their Muslim husbands being married to more than one legal wife?
💻 ChatGPT: 13 Reasons Why Some Muslim Women Are Willing to Be Second Wives
Religious Motivation – They see polygyny as a legitimate part of Islam and may view it as a means to support a man engaged in Da’wah, believing it earns them rewards.
High Respect for the Man – If the man is an ustadh or Daa'ee, they admire his knowledge, leadership, and piety, making him an attractive potential husband.
Limited Suitable Options – Some women struggle to find a righteous, compatible single man and see marrying an already married religious man as a better choice.
Desire for Stability – Being a second wife to a responsible, mature man who has already proven his ability to maintain a household can be more appealing than an uncertain first marriage.
Lower Expectations of Full-Time Attention – Some women do not want the full-time responsibilities of marriage and are content with sharing a husband.
Financial Security – If the man is financially stable, marrying him ensures provision and protection under an Islamic household.
Age and Marital Status – Widows, divorcees, and women who feel they are past the "ideal" age for first marriage may accept polygyny as a practical solution.
Influence of Culture and Upbringing – Some come from cultures where polygyny is normalized, making them more accepting of such arrangements.
Desire for Motherhood – If she has no children, she might want to marry a man who is proven to be a good father.
Trust in the Husband's Justice – If the man is known for fairness, honesty, and good treatment, women may feel secure as second wives.
Avoiding Sin – Instead of engaging in an impermissible relationship, they prefer an Islamically lawful marriage, even if it means being a co-wife.
Belief in Divine Decree (strong belief in Allah's Qadr) – Some women accept polygyny as part of their destiny, trusting that it is Allah’s Plan for them.
Minimal Emotional Attachments – Some women prioritize companionship, financial support, and stability over deep romantic attachment, making them open to polygyny.
15 Advice and Tips for First Wives to Accept Their Husbands Having Another Wife
Strengthen Your Faith – Remember that polygyny is allowed in Islam, and Allah’s laws are always based on wisdom and justice.
Understand Your Husband’s Role – If he is active in Da’wah, he may genuinely need another wife to balance his commitments while fulfilling his duties as a husband.
Reflect on the Sunnah – The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam had multiple wives, and some of the greatest women in Islamic history were co-wives.
Avoid Comparisons – Do not compare yourself with the second wife; each woman has unique qualities that make her special.
Manage Jealousy with Wisdom – Jealousy is natural but should not lead to sinful actions or emotional instability. Seek Allah’s help in controlling it.
Seek Support from Righteous Women – Speak to women who have experience in polygyny and have successfully managed their emotions.
Maintain Your Self-Worth – Being a first wife does not make you less valuable; instead, it proves your husband appreciates you and still respects you.
Keep Your Husband Accountable for Justice – Islam requires fairness in time, provision, and treatment, so remind him of his responsibility.
Focus on Personal Growth – Engage in activities that make you feel fulfilled, such as Islamic studies, charity work, or personal hobbies.
Strengthen Your Bond with Allah – Increase in prayer, Qur’an recitation, and seeking closeness to Allah the Almighty to find peace in His decree.
Avoid External Influences – Do not let negative cultural ideas or societal pressure affect your view of polygyny.
Protect Your Marriage from shaytan’s Tricks – shaytan loves to destroy marriages; seek refuge in Allah the Almighty from the waswaas (evil whispers of doubt and anger).
Emphasize Sisterhood Over Rivalry – Consider the second wife as a fellow Muslimah rather than an enemy. Islam promotes unity, not division.
Prioritize Your Children’s Well-Being – If you have kids, focus on providing them with a stable, loving home rather than engaging in unnecessary conflict.
Think of the Bigger Picture – Instead of focusing on short-term emotions, reflect on the long-term rewards of patience and acceptance in the Hereafter.
13 Reasons Why Some Muslim Women Are Okay with Being Second Wives
Religious Reasons – They believe polygyny is part of Islam and see it as a way to support a good Muslim man doing Da’wah.
Respect for the Husband – If the man is a religious teacher or scholar, they admire his knowledge and good character.
Few Good Options – They may have trouble finding a good single man, so they choose to marry a married one who displays the admirable qualities which they find very attractive.
Stable Marriage – A married man has already proven he can handle family life responsibly.
Less Demand for Time – Some women don’t want full-time marriage responsibilities and are fine sharing a husband.
Financial Security – A stable husband can provide for her needs.
Age or Marital History – Widows, divorcees, or older women may see polygyny as a good opportunity.
Cultural Influence – Some women grow up in families where polygyny is normal.
Desire for Children – A woman without kids may prefer a man who is already a good father.
Trust in Husband’s Fairness – If he is known for treating people fairly, she feels safe.
Avoiding Sin – Instead of haram relationships, she prefers a halal marriage.
Belief in Allah’s Plan – Some accept polygyny as part of their destiny.
Less Need for Deep Attachment – Some women value stability more than romance.
15 Tips for First Wives to Accept Their Husbands Having Another Wife
Trust Allah’s Wisdom – Islam allows polygyny for a reason. Accepting it is part of trusting Allah’s plan.
Understand Your Husband’s Duty – If he is doing Da’wah, he may need another wife to balance his work and family life.
Look at the Sunnah – The noble Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam had multiple wives, and his wives handled it with patience.
Don’t Compare Yourself – You have your own special qualities. Another wife does not make you less valuable.
Control Jealousy Wisely – Feeling jealous is natural, but don’t let envy control your choices or actions.
Talk to Supportive Women – Speak to sisters in Islam who have experience in polygyny and learn from their wisdom.
Know Your Worth – Being a first wife is still an honored position, and your husband still values you.
Make Sure He Is Fair – Islam commands fairness in time, money, and treatment. It’s okay to remind him of his duty.
Keep Yourself Busy – Focus on hobbies, learning, or community work to stay happy and fulfilled.
Strengthen Your Faith – Pray, read the Noble Qur’an regularly, and seek comfort in maintaining strong connection with Allah the Almighty.
Ignore Negative Influence – Society often makes polygyny seem bad, but Islam teaches otherwise.
Protect Your Marriage From Our Enemy shaytan – shaytan loves to create fights in marriage. Stay patient and seek refuge in Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
See the Other Wife as a Sister, Not a Rival – She is part of your extended family now. A peaceful relationship is better than constant fighting.
Focus on Your Children’s Happiness – If you have kids, keep their home environment positive instead of filled with conflict.
Think of the Bigger Picture – Patience and acceptance can bring rewards in this life and the next.
⤴️Some notes from ChatGPT
❓ Question: Write a sample monologue of an intellectual Muslim wife who fully accepts that her husband married again so he now has two legal wives and a sample monologue of a second wife with admirable empathy and who wishes to reassure her husband's first wife that she has no motive to be a "homewrecker" at all, to encourage others to be completely fine with polygyny as Muslim men have a right in Islam to be married to up to four wives if they are religiously, financially and emotionally capable, reliable and responsible.
💻 ChatGPT: Monologue of the Intellectual First Wife
(She speaks calmly, her tone composed and thoughtful, reflecting deep contemplation and acceptance.)
I always believed that faith is tested not only in hardship but in our willingness to submit to the laws of Allah the Almighty, even when they challenge our emotions. When my husband told me that he intended to marry again, I won’t deny that, for a moment, my heart felt heavy. Not because I doubted him, nor because I felt inferior, but because society has conditioned us to believe that love must always be exclusive.
But I am not a woman ruled by fleeting emotions. I am a woman of intellect, of understanding, of faith. And in faith, I have found peace. Allah the Most Wise has granted men the right to marry up to four, but not without responsibility, not without justice. My husband has been nothing but kind, fair, and devoted. He did not seek another wife out of selfishness, nor did he betray my trust. He sought to complete his Deen, to offer protection and honor to another woman, and I—his first wife—am not made lesser because of this.
In fact, I am made greater. Greater in patience, greater in wisdom, greater in my certainty that what Allah the Most Merciful has permitted can never be wrong. The true test of my faith is not in rejecting what He, Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, has allowed, but in embracing it with dignity, understanding, and love (and contentment).
To my co-wife, I do not see you as a rival. I see you as a sister in faith, another woman with whom I share this journey of life. We are not enemies; we are allies. And together, through harmony, we uphold the true essence of polygyny—justice, mercy, and the unwavering acceptance of Allah’s divine wisdom.
Monologue of the Empathetic Second Wife
(Her voice is soft yet confident, radiating sincerity as she seeks to reassure her husband's first wife.)
I did not enter this marriage to take anything away from you. I did not seek to replace you, nor to diminish the bond you share with our husband. I came into this with a heart full of respect—for you, for him, and for the laws of Allah the Almighty that have allowed this union.
I understand why society teaches women to see each other as rivals. But I reject that mindset. I do not wish to harm you, to bring you sorrow, or to disrupt your home. Instead, I wish to share in its blessings, to contribute to its stability, and to ensure that my presence brings ease, not conflict.
You have built something beautiful with him, and I honor that. I do not demand a greater love, nor do I seek to compete. I am here to walk alongside you, not against you. We are both women of faith, women who understand that love is not measured by exclusivity, but by sincerity, fairness, and the obedience to Allah’s Commands.
I pray that we can be not just co-wives, but sisters in faith. That our unity strengthens our husband rather than weakens him, and that our presence in his life allows him to fulfill his responsibilities with justice, wisdom, and care. If ever you feel uncertain, please know that my door is open, my heart is sincere, and my intention is pure.
May Allah the Almighty always grant us ease in this journey, and may He Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala bless us with harmony, understanding, and unshakable faith/Imaan. Ameen.
Monologo ng Matalinong Unang Asawa
(Mataas ang kanyang kaisipan, kalmado ang kanyang tinig, puno ng lalim at pagtanggap.)
Palagi kong pinaniniwalaan na ang pananampalataya ay sinusubok hindi lang sa oras ng paghihirap kundi sa ating kakayahang tanggapin ang mga batas ng Allah, kahit pa minsan ay hinahamon nito ang ating damdamin. Nang ipaalam sa akin ng aking asawa ang hangarin niyang magpakasal muli, hindi ko itatanggi na sa isang saglit, may bumigat sa aking dibdib. Hindi dahil sa duda sa kanya, hindi dahil sa pakiramdam na kulang ako, kundi dahil sa paniniwalang itinuro ng lipunan—na ang pag-ibig ay dapat na eksklusibo.
Ngunit hindi ako isang babaeng alipin ng damdamin. Ako ay isang babaeng may malalim na pag-unawa, may pananampalataya, at sa pananampalatayang ito ako nakatagpo ng kapayapaan. Ipinahintulot ng Allah ang poligamya, ngunit may kaakibat itong responsibilidad—hindi ito basta-bastang karapatan. Ang isang lalaking may higit sa isang asawa ay may pananagutan sa katarungan, sa hustisya, sa emosyonal at pinansyal na kakayahan. Ang aking asawa ay naging mabuti, patas, at tapat sa kanyang tungkulin. Hindi niya ito ginawa upang linlangin ako o dahil sa anumang pagkukulang ko. Ginawa niya ito upang higit pang gawing buo ang kanyang pananampalataya, upang magbigay ng dangal at proteksyon sa isa pang babae.
At ako—ang kanyang unang asawa—ay hindi naging mas maliit dahil dito. Sa halip, mas naging matibay ako. Mas matiyaga, mas matalino, at mas panatag sa katotohanang anumang pinahintulutan ng Allah ay kailanman hindi magiging mali.
Sa aking co-wife, hindi kita nakikita bilang kalaban. Ikaw ay isang kapatid sa pananampalataya, isang babaeng may parehong layunin—ang maging mabuting asawa, mabuting Muslim, at mabuting lingkod ng Allah. Hindi tayo dapat maglaban kundi magtulungan. At sa pamamagitan ng pagkakaisa, mapapanatili natin ang tunay na diwa ng poligamya—katarungan, habag, at ang buong pusong pagtanggap sa karunungan ng Allah.
Monologo ng Mapag-unawang Pangalawang Asawa
(Banayad ngunit tiwala ang kanyang tinig, puno ng sinseridad at layuning ipanatag ang loob ng unang asawa.)
Hindi ako pumasok sa pag-aasawang ito upang may agawin sa iyo. Hindi ko nais na palitan ka, ni bawasan ang pagmamahal na meron kayo ng ating asawa. Nandito ako dala ang isang pusong puno ng paggalang—sa iyo, sa kanya, at sa mga batas ng Allah na nagbigay-daan sa pagsasamang ito.
Naiintindihan ko kung bakit tinuturuan tayo ng lipunan na maging magkakalaban, ngunit tinatanggihan ko ang ganitong pag-iisip. Hindi ako nandito upang makasakit, upang magdulot ng lungkot, o upang sirain ang tahanang iyong binuo. Sa halip, nais kong maging bahagi ng pagpapala nito, magbigay ng katiwasayan, at siguraduhin na ang aking presensya ay nagdadala ng kapayapaan, hindi alitan.
Ang inyong pagmamahalan ay may malalim na pundasyon, at iginagalang ko iyon. Hindi ko hinahangad na maging higit pa sa iyo, ni makipagtagisan ng damdamin. Nandito ako upang lumakad sa tabi mo, hindi upang makipagtagisan sa iyo. Tayong dalawa ay parehong babae ng pananampalataya, parehong nakakaunawa na ang pagmamahal ay hindi nasusukat sa pagiging eksklusibo, kundi sa sinseridad, katarungan, at pagsunod sa utos ng Allah.
Ipinapanalangin ko na hindi lang tayo basta maging mag-co-wife, kundi maging tunay na magkapatid sa pananampalataya. Na sa ating pagkakaisa, lalo nating mapatatag ang ating asawa sa kanyang tungkulin, at sa halip na maging sanhi ng kanyang pagkalito, tayo ang maging dahilan ng kanyang katahimikan.
Kung may alinlangan ka man, nais kong malaman mong bukas ang aking puso, malinis ang aking intensyon, at ang tanging hangarin ko ay kapayapaan sa ating tahanan.
Nawa’y pagkalooban tayo ng Allah ng kadalian sa paglalakbay na ito at biyayaan ng pagkakaunawaan, pagkakasundo, at pananalig na hindi matitinag.
Tula ng Matalinong Unang Asawa
Sa batas ng Diyos, ako’y nagtiwala,
Di ko sinukat sa damdamin lang kusa.
Pag-ibig ay higit sa sariling hangganan,
Hindi sakim, hindi dapat sakdal.
Nang siya’y magpaalam, may kirot sa dibdib,
Ngunit di pagdududa, ni galit, ni hapis.
Dahil alam kong ako’y di nawalan,
Ang dangal ko’y hindi nabawasan.
Hindi siya lumayo, hindi ako iniwan,
Pag-ibig niya'y patas, wagas at matibay.
Sa halip na magdusa, sa halip na umiyak,
Sa utos ng Diyos, ako’y nagpakatibay.
O aking kapatid, hindi kita kaaway,
Hindi kita kalaban, hindi kita agapay.
Sa mata ng Diyos, tayong dalawa’y
Mga kabiyak na pantay at wasto.
Kaya’t huwag nating hayaang wasakin,
Ang pamilya natin, sa silakbo ng damdamin.
Sa halip, itayo ang tulay ng pag-unawa,
Pagpapakumbaba at tunay na pagsinta.
Tula ng Mapag-unawang Pangalawang Asawa
Di ako dumating upang mang-agaw,
Di ako narito upang magtaksil o lumaban.
Ako'y dumating nang may buong respeto,
Sa pag-ibig ninyo, sa tahanang buo.
Hindi kita nais na maging mahina,
O matakot na ako’y nandito na.
Ako’y isang babae, tulad mo ring tapat,
Sa utos ng Diyos, sa dangal at galang.
Sa halip na galit, sa halip na pangamba,
Nais kong ialay ang pag-unawa.
Hindi ako dayo na magwawasak,
Ako'y kapatid na nais makasabay.
Kapatid, pakinggan, ang aking dalangin,
Na tayo’y maging magaan sa damdamin.
Na ang pagsasama ay di alitan,
Kundi kapayapaang walang hanggan.
Kung nais mong lumapit, ako'y handa,
Kung nais mong magtanong, ako'y narito.
Sama-sama tayong maging matatag,
Pagkat pag-ibig ay dapat patas at wagas.
Nawa'y bigyan tayo ng Diyos ng biyaya,
Ng tunay na kapayapaan at pagkakaisa.
Na maging tahanan ng pagmamahalan,
Ang ating pamilyang may basbas ng langit.
💠 Gemini AI: ⤴️ Translation from Tagalog Filipino language to English language:
Absolutely! Here are the translated and rhymed versions of the monologues and poems:
Monologue of the Wise First Wife
(Her mind is elevated, her voice is calm, full of depth and acceptance.)
I have always believed that faith is tested not only in times of hardship but also in our ability to accept the laws of Allah the Almighty, even when they sometimes challenge our emotions. When my husband told me of his desire to marry again, I will not deny that for a moment, my heart felt heavy. Not because of doubt in him, not because of feeling inadequate, but because of the belief taught by society—that love should be exclusive.
But I am not a woman enslaved by emotions. I am a woman with deep understanding, with faith, and in this faith, I have found peace. Allah the Most Wise Al-Hakeem has permitted polygyny, but it comes with responsibility—it is not simply a right and permission. A man with more than one wife has a responsibility to fairness, to justice, to emotional and financial capacity. My husband has been good, fair, and honest in his duties. He did not do this to deceive me or because of any shortcomings on my part. He did this to further complete his faith, to give honor and protection to another Muslim woman.
And I—his first wife—have not become less because of this. Instead, I have become stronger. More patient, more intelligent, and more secure in the truth that whatever Allah the Most Loving has permitted will never be wrong.
To my co-wife, I do not see you as an enemy. You are a sister in faith, a woman with the same goal—to be a good wife, a good Muslim, and a good servant of Allah the Almighty. We should not fight but help each other. And through unity, we can maintain the true essence of polygyny—justice, compassion, and wholehearted acceptance of the wisdom of Allah the All-Knowing Al-'Aleem.
Monologue of the Understanding Second Wife
(Her voice is gentle but confident, full of sincerity and the intention to reassure the first wife.)
I did not enter this marriage to take something away from you. I do not want to replace you, nor diminish the love you have with our husband. I am here with a heart full of respect—for you, for him, and for the laws of Allah the Almighty that made this union possible.
I understand why society teaches us to be rivals, but I reject this kind of thinking. I am not here to hurt, to cause sadness, or to destroy the home you have built. Instead, I want to be part of its blessing, to provide security, and to ensure that my presence brings peace, not conflict.
Your love has a deep foundation, and I respect that. I do not aspire to be more than you, nor to compete for affection. I am here to walk beside you, not to compete with you. We are both women of faith, both understanding that love is not measured by being exclusive, but by sincerity, justice, and obedience to the commands of Allah the Most Wise.
I pray that we will not just be co-wives, but true sisters in faith. That in our unity, we can further strengthen our husband in his duties, and instead of being the cause of his confusion, we will be the reason for his peace.
If you have any doubts, I want you to know that my heart is open, my intentions are pure, and my only desire is peace in our home (and eternal joy in Jannah Paradise).
May Allah the Most Merciful grant us ease in this journey and bless us with more understanding, harmony, and unwavering faith. Ameen.
Poem of the Wise First Wife:
In God Allah the Almighty, I always place my trust.
I'm not controlled by emotions, never driven by lust.
Love is beyond one's own limits,
Not selfish, not meant to be perfect.
When he bid farewell, my heart felt a pang,
But not doubt, nor anger, nor sorrow sang.
For I know I have not lost anything,
My honor has not diminished, taking wing.
He did not stray, he did not leave me,
His love is fair, pure, and sturdy.
Instead of suffering, instead of weeping,
In God's command, I stood firm, keeping.
O my sister, I do not see you as a foe,
Not a rival, nor one to overthrow.
In the Eyes of God (Allah the Almighty), we are both,
Equal and rightful spouses, in truth.
So let us not allow to be shattered,
Our family, by emotions scattered.
Instead, let us build a bridge of understanding,
Humility and true loving, commanding.
Poem of the Understanding Second Wife:
I did not come to seize,
Nor am I here to betray or appease.
I came with utmost respect,
For your love, for your home, intact.
I do not wish you to be weak,
Or fear my presence, meek.
I am a woman, like you, sincere,
In God's command, in honor and fear.
Instead of anger, instead of dread,
I wish to offer understanding instead.
I am not a stranger to destroy,
I am a sister who wishes to enjoy.
Sister, listen, to my prayer,
That we may be light in our care.
That our union is not strife,
But peace without end, in life.
If you wish to approach, I am ready,
If you wish to ask, I am already.
Together we will be strong,
For love should be fair and long.
May God (Allah the Almighty) grant us grace,
Of true peace and embrace.
That our home may be a haven of love,
Our family with more blessings from above. (Ameen)
🗂️ Just sharing some PDF books and documents as sadaqa jaariya
Inn-sha-Allah which you and others can occasionally read and benefit from
Inn-sha-Allah so your faith Imaan levels can be strengthened:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/17bcwBZE9fKy2kATblygJVrKdgmeqFQu7
✅ Some advice on how divorce is not always the best solution,
PDF document which you can Inn-sha-Allah share as sadaqah jaariya:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1X6s2MS9EBIz0HMBGh8sWpnXQlEvjq3Bs/view?usp=drive_open
📝 Text:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W-Elcz21NmuOygqYIO8TG68W-Bczvxwr/view
🇵🇭 Tagalog Filipino translation of the above summarized reminders by dear sister Fatima Sherl bint Ismun:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1XJZNtqXmeFrYs4xJiCHzgV3TWe6L3hKX&authuser=0
Second Wife Who Is NOT a Homewrecker:
Respects the First Wife’s Position – Acknowledges the first wife’s role and does not try to diminish her importance.
Encourages Family Stability – Promotes peace and cooperation rather than causing division.
Does Not Demand Unfair Treatment – Accepts fair distribution of time and resources without excessive demands.
Avoids Negative Comparisons – Never tries to outshine or belittle the first wife to elevate herself.
Maintains Modesty in Speech & Actions – Avoids provocative behavior and any misconduct which could disrupt family dynamics.
Encourages Husband’s Responsibility – Supports his duty to all his wives and children equally.
Avoids Manipulation – Does not use emotional tactics to control, threaten or isolate the husband.
Treats Stepchildren Kindly – Seeks a peaceful and respectful relationship with all family members and in-laws as much as she can.
Stays Away from Gossip & Drama – Does not fuel conflicts or spread rumors about the first wife.
Prioritizes Islamic Ethics – Focuses on fairness, patience, and good character in marriage.
Respects Private Boundaries – Does not interfere in matters that only concern the first wife and husband.
Accepts the Reality of Shared Marriage – Understands polygyny as a test of patience rather than a competition.
Encourages Harmony Among Co-Wives – Open to healthy communication and cooperation rather than rivalry.
Seeks to Replace the First Wife – Tries to make the husband prioritize her over his first family.
Creates Division in the Marriage – Purposely causes conflicts between the husband and first wife.
Demands Unjust Favoritism – Wants more time, money, or privileges than what is fair.
Competes & Compares Constantly – Consistently tries to prove, online and offline, that she is better than the first wife.
Encourages the Husband to Neglect His First Family – Wants him to ignore his prior commitments.
Manipulates the Husband Emotionally – Uses guilt, frequent threats, or excessive flattery to control him.
Turns Stepchildren Against Their Mother – Tries to create distance between them.
Spreads Lies or Exaggerations – Engages in gossip to ruin the first wife’s reputation.
Disrespects the First Wife’s Rights – Interferes with her private matters and boundaries.
Seeks to Dominate the Husband – Wants complete control over his time and decisions.
Uses Beauty or Youth to Undermine the First Wife – Highlights her appearance to make the husband favor her.
Secretly Plots for Divorce – Hopes to push the husband to leave his first wife.
Refuses to Coexist Peacefully – Unwilling to accept the reality of polygyny and sees it as a battlefield.
