Note: Tips On How To Deal With Those Who Dislike You

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: Some of my colleagues at work pretend to like me, but I can sense that their friendliness is not genuine. How do I deal with people who hate me although I don't remember doing anything wrong to them?

📝 Answer: When you live your whole life with the purpose to please Only Allah the Almighty, you won't feel negatively affected by His servants' hatred, rejection and enmity. The more you love Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and the more you're comfortable with yourself as a Muslim, the less you seek people's approval and the more you don't care about any human's validation.

There are some reasons why some individuals may dislike us, besides Allah the Most Wise not decreeing our companionship and bond to take place:

1) We remind them of someone they hate. So they don't want to have anything to do with us.
2) We have certain qualities that highly contradict theirs. Maybe we're outgoing and talkative; they're reserved and shy. We prefer honesty and show no interest in sugarcoating things; they are more of the sympathetic and 'careful not to hurt anyone's feelings' type.
3) Some of our achievements make them feel small or inferior when it's not our intention to offend anyone. If a person is insecure while you're confident, it is not your fault if they avoid you due to feeling jealously threatened.
4) You probably did something in the past that offended them, but you're still unaware of what you did that they thought was insulting. You can discuss with them about this to solve the problem, or just let it go and be the bigger person by being forgiving.
5) Your values don't match theirs and you're simply too different to be able to connect well. For example if I'm in favor of polygyny, I may clash with many women who are intimidated by the fact that men in Islam are allowed to be married to up to four wives. If I'm the kind that is not afraid of debates and confrontation, I may unintentionally scare away those who prefer not to speak their mind.

The beloved Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu alaihi wa sallam, the best of all human beings who ever existed, also had a number of enemies who despised him for speaking the truth and calling others to Allah's Way. Especially if you're involved in Da'wah or doing charitable deeds, you would expect some people who oppose your actions because they'd rather stay upon the path of misguidance, ignorance and led astray. Even Allah's Angels have opponents from among the devils. Those who are sincere, truthful and trustworthy can't totally click with those who like to deal with fraud, insincerity and deceit. Those who strictly adhere to the Prophet's Sunnah cannot be peaceful allies with the people of Bid'ah and deviant sects who go against matters related to the Deen. A Muslim whose heart holds Taqwa, faith/Imaan and Ikhlaas/sincerity can never achieve a long-lasting connection with someone guilty of pretense, hypocrisy and negative traits like discontentment, selfishness and jealousy.

It makes sense that whatever we do, we will always have somebody who doesn't agree with our decisions and choices. It's perfectly okay. So long as we strive to serve Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and Allah loves us, we shouldn't waste time wondering why this stranger and that colleague couldn't find us appealing. We were created by Allah the Almighty mainly to worship Him, not to babysit nor entertain His creation. Also focus on appreciating the few friends who recognize your worth, who can't envy your accomplishments and who were destined by Allah the Most Wise to be your trusted companions, even if your only true friend from among humans is your other half, your soulmate, your husband.

📖 Ibn Umar RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer who mixes with the people and endures their harm with patience has a greater reward than one who does not mix with people nor endures their harm with patience."Source: Musnad Ahmed 22588
Grade: Sahih (Authentic)

Note: Husbands Must Treat Their Wives Fairly As Much As They Can.

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: Does the first wife have superiority over the other wives? Being my husband's second wife, his first wife likes to give me orders as though she's my boss to the point of commanding me to not make it obvious online that I am also married to our husband. Since I respect her a lot, we're friends and she seems like a nice lady, I usually obey her commands. Is it right that the first wife deserves special treatment?

📝 Answer: While polygyny is only halal/permissibe for men in Islam, it is wajib/obligatory for every husband to treat his wives fairly. Fairness in polygyny doesn't necessarily mean the husband gives the exact same thing to each wife, but he tries his best to make sure all his wives' needs are equally met and they are similarly satisfied. For example, the first wife prefers receiving jewelry and flowers as gestures of love from her husband, while his second wife isn't the materialistic type, so she has a preference for just spending quality time with him at home on weekends. The first wife likes adventuring and dining outdoors with her husband, while the second wife is an introverted homebody who doesn't enjoy going out much, so she is content with her spouse staying with her in their house to cook together. One beautiful aspect of polygyny is it trains a man to use his wisdom and intellect in understanding women's different mentality, calculating the right amount of time to spend with each wife, and he ensures that whatever he does brings satisfaction to each one of his wives.
Imagine this scenario where a husband has a wife in the Philippines and another wife in Saudi Arabia. His original place of employment is in Saudi Arabia. Since he only gets to travel to the Philippines once a year, the wife living in the Philippines deserves a lot of attention from him while he is visiting. Thus it is okay for the both of them to have a vacation abroad say in Malaysia or Singapore. The wife remaining in Saudi Arabia doesn't have to insist on having her own holiday in an exotic country if she is already contented seeing him regularly when they're together in Saudi. Nonetheless if she still wants to travel with her husband, she can request him to arrange another vacation to the country of her choice. In other polygynous marriages, the husband may prefer that he travels around with both of his wives, allows them to sit together at the backseat of his car and even live with both wives under the same roof but with separate bedrooms.
Not every love journey is the same. Some men prefer their multiple wives to be good friends and well-connected, while other husbands believe it is safer for their wives to not mingle too much so they don't face the tribulation of comparing their lives to one another and wrongly assume the husband is guilty of injustice.
Whatever your husband decides to do, his decisions should suit each one of his wives' needs and he must strive to avoid neglecting any one of them or showing preferential treatment to one of the wives. There is a penalty for husbands who deliberately show favoritism to just one wife. Kindly remind your husband to care for his wives as fairly as he can, and let the first wife know that she has no superiority over you nor other future wives.
Being the first wife of a husband doesn't make her entitled to receive special privileges while the other wives act like she's their queen, boss lady or commander in chief. It's also wrong and insecure of her to command you to set your marital status on Facebook into single and you're willing to comply because you're afraid of her bossiness.
As the second wife, you should be confident and content that you're married to the same man. Don't make yourself appear smaller or insignificant in comparison to her regardless of the first wife's job position or reputation in the community. If she happens to be jealous of you, try your best to lessen or eradicate her negative feelings of jealousy by genuinely befriending her without undermining yourself or behaving as though you're not in her league. You're in the same level, you both share the same husband, and you both deserve good treatment from your destined soulmate who loves you all for Allah's sake. The only thing which differentiates people from one another is Taqwa and piety. The better of two wives is the one who is more patient, more forgiving and closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
Invite your co-wife to have lunch often, to attend regular Islamic seminars so your faith/Imaan is strengthened and to have a stronger bond by communicating online and offline whenever you can.
Also remind your husband to fear Allah the Almighty and to treat his wives well so none of the wives feel as if they're lacking something.
Seek Allah's help through constant Du'as. Pray to Allah that He grants you more rewarding Sabr/patience, pray to Allah that He softens the first wife's heart so she is free from the stress of envying you, and pray that Allah blesses your polygynous marriage life so it becomes a worthwhile path which leads to Jannah Paradise.
If there is anything that can alter one's Qadr/Destiny positively, it is the sincere Du'a that is said wholeheartedly. Don't give up your marriage just because of an obstacle which is temporary.
Inn-sha-Allah you'll be rewarded with Allah's Love for striving to stay steadfast and loving your other half patiently.

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family."
Source: Sunan Al-Tirmidhī 3895
Grade: Sahih

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "If a man has two wives and he is not fair between them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides collapsed."
Source: Sunan Al-Tirmidhī 1141
Grade: Sahih

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the most excellent character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women."
Source: Sunan Al-Tirmidhī 1162
Grade: Sahih

Note: A Woman's Male Cousins Are Not Her Mahrams.

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: To what extent can I be friendly with my husband's brothers? If he happens to be my cousin, can I still socialize with them?

📝 Answer: A Muslimah's male cousin, whether maternal or paternal, isn't a mahram. A mahram is someone whom you are not allowed to marry due to extreme close ties.

✔ The following are your mahrams who are not marriageable for you and it is halal/permissible for them to accompany you for travel or Hajj/pilgrimage:

Your father, your grandfather, your father's brothers (paternal uncles), your mother's brothers (maternal uncles), your brothers, your half brothers, your foster brothers (who were breastfed by the same nursing mother as you), the sons of your brothers, the sons of your sisters, your father-in-law, your own husband and own sons.

❌ These are not mahrams to you: Your male cousins from your mother's side, your male cousins from your father's side, your father's stepbrothers, your mother's stepbrothers, your half brother's male relatives, your foster brother's male relatives, the nephews and male cousins of your husband who isn't your cousin, your stepbrother from a different parent, your husband's brothers even if they are younger or a lot older than you.

✔ With your male mahrams you're allowed to: travel with them, be alone in the same vehicle or building with them, shake their hands, show your hair in front of them, joke and be friendly with them, look at them while talking, poke to get their attention or hug them when they return from traveling.

❌ With males who are not your mahram, it is haraam/forbidden: to be alone with them in a room or building, to be overly friendly, to have one-on-one dialogues online and offline which could lead to fitna, to look at them directly in their eyes for long periods, to touch them in any way or take group photos with them even if your intention is to promote "Da'wah".

Since your husband's brothers are not your mahram, you can't treat them like they're your close friends. As much as possible try your best to minimize interacting with them. If you live in a large residence where each couple has their own bedroom and all the relatives dine together, continue lowering your gaze whenever you can instead of casually exchanging eye contact with your male in-laws and unnecessarily being too talkative with them. If they say salaam, you may respond quickly without staring at them. If they ask you some questions, you can answer briefly. Don't be the first to initiate a conversation if chatting with them is completely unnecessary (e.g. "So how was your work? Can you teach me how to cook the yummy spaghetti you made? How many kids do you and your wife wish to have? What's your favorite color? What time are you usually free so we can chit-chat on Facebook?"). Also maintain proper hijab when you're around them.

Even if some of your relatives claim you're "arrogant", "weird" or they call you a "black sheep" for distancing yourself from your male in-laws and avoiding anything that could lead to fitna, stay steadfast for Allah's sake, and be content that you're trying your best to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and preserving your Deen, although it may cause some people to be angry. So long as you strive to obey Allah with sincerity, you shouldn't feel bothered by the criticism of people when you simply want to obey Allah's Commands and maintain modesty.

📖 Narrated `Uqba Ibn 'Amir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies." A man from the Ansaar said, "O' Allah's Messenger! What about Al-Hamu (the male in-laws of the wife like the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam answered: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.Reference: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5232In-book reference: Book 67, Hadith 165USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 159

Hadith: Always Seek Allah's Forgiveness.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "By Him in Whose Hand is my soul, if you did not sin, Allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would seek forgiveness from Allah and He would forgive them."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2749
Grade: Sahih (Authentic ) according to Muslim

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent."
Source: Sunan Al-Tirmidhi 2499
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever repents before the sun rises from the west, Allah will forgive him."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2703
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Note: What I've Learned From Being My Husband's First Wife

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 I was around eighteen or nineteen years old when I first learned about the benefits of polygyny. Alhamdulillah when I turned 25 or 26 years old I became my husband's first wife, not surprised that he remarried because I was the one who openly told him he could be married to up to four wives upon apologizing for not being able to fulfill all his rights, due to health issues. He was asking for more children, and I wasn't able to give him what he wanted. So I gave him clear consent to remarry.
I remember him asking me if it's necessary for a man to ask his wife permission to have another wife, to which I answered "No, you don't need your first wife's permission to remarry.". What's important is the husband tries his best to treat all his wives fairly, with equal justice and kind treatment as much as possible.
The very first time I personally saw my husband's second wife, a Visayan lady also majoring in the medical field, was when some of my husband's female relatives accompanied me to her house in a faraway village. My initial reaction on seeing her consisted of a mix of emotions ranging from eagerness to see what this woman had that got my husband feeling attracted to her, excitement to take her as a close friend if she's willing to cooperate, and a bit of instinctive jealousy which I tried to conceal so I wasn't viewed as incompetent or insecure.
Alhamdulillah despite many of the people who already saw her telling me I was a lot "prettier" to comfort me, I found myself not really focusing on how she appeared outwardly. I was more concerned about her learning Islam and willingness to be a good Muslim, even imagining how nice it would be if I could someday inspire her to wear the niqab and join me in attending some Islamic gatherings and seminars together. However my wish for her to be a good friend wasn't granted as I hoped. Some years later she got into a fight with my husband, while I tried to convince him to give her a chance, to forgive her for "cheating on him with someone" and to let her in the family so we're not "incomplete".
Although she and I haven't been in contact for a long time now, the doors are still open for her to return to the family if she ever wishes to come back. I feel sorry seeing her kids with my husband, watching them grow up without an actual mother to look after them.
Alhamdulillah part of the beautiful aspects of being in a polygynous marriage is you, as a woman, get to exercise inner strength, patience and resilience through each challenge encountered in this unique love journey. You're not like the majority of females who act on the common tendency to envy. Every time you conquer the urge to "get even" with your co-wife by choosing to have Sabr for Allah's sake, your levels of  faith/Imaan and maturity escalate as you earn rewards for striving to remain patient.
When we acknowledge the reality of this dunya, aware that the current world we live in is just temporary, we can patiently sacrifice excessive pride to feel entitled, revenge and attachment to worldly pleasures while eagerly striving to deserve Allah's Love and entry to Jannatul Ferdaus.
So long as your husband isn't purposely abusive or negligent, obeying his lawful orders and maintaining loyalty do not undermine your worth as a woman.
Making effort for Allah's sake to be your husband's faithful, grateful and compassionate soulmate, like Khadijah RadhiAllahu 'anha was a beautifully devoted wife to the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, can be among the myriad means of gaining entry into Jannah Paradise.
https://veiledinblack.blogspot.com/2006/02/polygamy-and-wisdom-behind-prophets.html
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani