Note: Forbiddance Of Forced Marriages In Islam

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Five signs that a marriage is forced, not arranged: 

1] If the female cried or clearly declared that she doesn't want to marry the guy, even if she was bribed with a large amount of money or expensive gifts.

2] If she threatened to take her own life (Note: suicide is a major sin) or that she'd run away before or after the wedding.

3] If the man and/or woman made an oath that they can never forgive those who compel them to marry somebody whom they don't find attractive.

4] When the mother and/or father of the groom and/or bride told their child they'd disown them, completely disconnect family ties, or quit financially supporting them if they go against their wishes.

5] If any of the bride's or groom's relatives threatens to kill or cause trouble to them in case they don't comply with their commands. 

🔹 Five reasons why a man or woman may not agree to marry somebody: 

1] They don't feel ready to move out of the home where they grew up in, or they think they haven't yet matured to start their own family. 

2] They don't feel prepared emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially, to become someone else's spouse. 

3] Because they've personally witnessed how a lot of marriages didn't go well, they prefer to wait for their ideal love life or flawless romance in Jannah Paradise.

4] They'd rather stay independent, free of marital responsibilities, and contentedly single, while trusting Allah the Most Merciful, than to be under the care or supervision of another human who may not be responsible, trustworthy, or sincere with their intentions of marrying.

5] Perhaps they're secretly in love with someone else, and they want that Muslim to be the one to send their marriage proposal. 

When a suitor comes to you expressing their willingness to marry your daughter, sister, or niece for Allah's sake, instead of wondering "how much can I get from this guy's mahr/dowry? What can our family's reputation benefit from being connected to this clan?", ask her if she's willing to have him as her future husband, mentioning to her the benefits of marrying early, reminding her to pray two Sunnah Rak'ahs of Salat Al-Istikhaara before she finalizes her decision, and preparing yourself for her response if she decides to decline the marriage proposal, respecting her right to agree or disagree, and not opposing the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam who disapproved of forced marriages.

~•~

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, should women be asked for their consent (permission) before marriage?” The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Yes." I said, “Indeed, sometimes a virgin is too shy to speak when asked.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Her silence (not complaining) is her consent."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6946 

Sahih Muslim 1420

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Khansaa bint Khidaam Al-Ansaariya RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and he declared that marriage invalid.

Sahih Al-Bukhari 5138

In-book reference: Book 67, Hadith 74

USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 69 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-on-few-women-who-are-uninterested.html 

https://www.abukhadeejah.com/arranged-marriages-love-marriages-and-forced-marriages-islam/

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/01/poem-warning-to-fathers-brothers-and.html 

https://youtu.be/FhI3hkbbpe8

Note: Importance Of Making Sure You Don't Have Any Debts

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 One of the things that you don't want to bring in your grave, as a Muslim, is a large amount of debts (utang) or list of items recorded in your account of deeds which you purposely didn't return to their rightful owners while still alive. If you haven't completed paying for the tuition fees of your child/kids, didn't give the full payment for some products you bought online or offline, or you still keep an item which you've promised would be returned several months ago, try your best to get rid of your debts and fulfill the rights of other Muslims to avoid regret in this world and the afterlife. 

~•~

📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The martyr is forgiven for every sin except debt."

Source: Sahih Muslim 1886

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

📖 Ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: A woman came to the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and she said, "My mother has died and she owed a month of fasting." The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Do you think if she had a debt you would repay it on her behalf?" She said "yes." The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The debts of Allah are more worthy to be repaid."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 1902

Sahih Muslim 1132

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever dies free of these three - arrogance, usurping the spoils, and debt, he will enter Paradise."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1572

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Salamah Ibn Al-Akwa’ RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam was presented with a funeral for him to pray over it. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Does he have debt?” They said 'no', so the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam prayed over him. Then he was presented with another funeral and the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Does he have debt?” They said 'yes.' The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Pray over your companion.” Abu Qatadah said, “I take responsibility for his debt, O Messenger of Allah,” so the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam prayed over him.

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 2173

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-seven-things-to-do-to-respect.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/poem-dunya-is-platform-of-tests.html 

Note: Seven Misconceptions About Polygyny In Islam

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Seven misconceptions / wrong opinions about polygyny in Islam:

1🔹 "Polygyny is much better than monogamy" or "polygynists are more superior to those married to only one wife": 

During the marriage of the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam to his first wife Khadija bint Khuwaylid RadhiAllahu 'anha, he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam didn't marry anybody else for several years until after some time she passed away. This proves that being married to one wife can be as blessed and rewarding as being wed to multiple wives. 

A marriage in which a Muslim is entirely satisfied taking good care of just one wife is better in quality and barakah than a polygynous marriage where some or all of the wives are not being treated well with wisdom and justice.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1162

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi

2🔹 "A wife can threaten her husband with divorce and taking his kids if he ever shows interest in remarrying": 

Her husband's willingness to have another wife, specially if he wishes to have more righteous children from another nationality or tribe, while he is financially capable of sustaining multiple wives, with a sense of responsibility, is not a valid excuse for a wife to demand separation.

📖 Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her." 

Grade: Sahih (Darussalam) Reference: Sunan Ibn Majah 2055 

In-book reference: Book 10, Hadith 40 

English translation: Vol. 3, Book 10, Hadith 2055

3🔹 "A man can have threesome or group sex with the women whom he married legally" or "A man can let his wife observe him and his other wife make love for the sake of entertainment or to take lessons": 

Group sex or threesome in Islam is not allowed because it involves lesbian acts and one woman looking at the private parts of the other woman. A lot of animals wouldn't even attempt such a thing (mating with several partners in one setting) so why would a Muslim want to do something disturbingly revolting.

📖 Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man should not look at the nakedness (private parts) of another man, and a woman should not look at the nakedness (private parts) of another woman. A man should not lie with another man under a single blanket, and a woman should not lie with another woman under a single blanket."

Source: Sahih Muslim 338

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

4🔹 "Fairness in polygyny signifies that whatever a man gives to one wife, whether a gift or quality time, he must give that very same thing to each of his other wives": 

It doesn't make sense for a newly married Muslimah to be treated in the exact same manner as her husband's other wife/wives. A Muslim doesn't have to immediately go on a special date with his first wife simply because he went on a vacation with his most recent bride. 

Imagine three boxes that are full of equal number of bananas, then bring another empty box. If you wanted to be fair, would you add five more bananas to the other full boxes just because you filled the fourth one with five bananas? No. You'd give it special attention because it isn't as filled yet as the others. 

If a man's third wife is physically disabled and he buys her a new wheelchair, does that mean it's obligatory for him to buy his first and second wives wheelchairs to make sure he's not being unfair? No. If his first wife has health issues, she's infertile and incapable of enjoying sexual intimacy with him always, does a husband have to enforce her to have sex just because he spent one night with his second wife? No. A Muslim can, for Allah's sake, try his best to be fair with his wives by ensuring that they receive what they require at the right time, based on each wife's needs and current condition, and none of them is being deliberately neglected.

📖 Abdullah Ibn Umar RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6719

Sahih Muslim 1829

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

5🔹 "Prior to accepting a guy's marriage proposal, a woman can make it a ruling that her husband isn't permitted to remarry, and if she ever finds out that he has another wife, she can instantly request for divorce": 

Polygyny or being married to more than one wife is something which Allah the Almighty made halal/permissible for Muslim men who are capable and responsible. We humans don't have any entitlement to prohibit what Allah the Most Wise has made lawful. 

📖 Al-Nu'man Ibn Bashir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the lawful (halal) is clear and the unlawful (haraam) is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus, he who avoids the doubtful matters safeguards himself in regard to his religion and his honor, and he who falls into the doubtful (questionable, unclear) matters will fall into the unlawful as the shepherd who pastures near a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Verily, every king has a sanctum and the sanctum of Allah is His prohibitions. Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the entire body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 52, Sahih Muslim 1599

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

6🔹 "A man can marry again without notifying his first wife, and lie to his new wife that he's 'single' to protect the two marriages" or "it's okay for a man to marry in secrecy if his intention is to prevent his other wives from feeling hurt or stopping him from remarrying": 

A Muslim doesn't need the permission or agreement of his first wife to remarry, and a wedding which takes place in a secretive way wherein the few guests attending are requested to keep such marriage a secret, doesn't receive the same blessings as marriages which are known to the public specially to one's relatives. 

Sins, such as masturbating and watching porn, are usually actions which you don't want certain individuals to find out. Couples who had a "secret wedding" should ask themselves why they felt so ashamed of letting their loved ones know that they married lawfully.

📖 Abdullah Ibn Al-Zubayr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Announce the marriage."

Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 4066 

Grade: Hasan 

7🔹 "All the wives of a Muslim are obliged to attend the wedding of his fourth wife" or "a man can obligate his wives to share one bedroom or live together in the same house regardless if some of them don't get along":

As long as your husband isn't commanding you to directly disobey any of Allah's Orders, you have every right to say no to your husband's personal demands if they harm your overall emotional and physical well-being or following some of his commands contradicts your values. It's not a must to become besties with a co-wife if you believe that she has a bad habit of gossiping about others and her toxic personality drains you emotionally.

📖 Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, Allah will harm him. Whoever is harsh with others, Allah will be harsh with him."

Source: Al-Sunan Al-Kubrá 11070

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Albani

https://abdurrahman.org/2014/10/06/polygyny-having-more-than-one-wife-is-the-sunnah-shaykh-bin-baaz/

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/16999/%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%89-%D8%AD%D8%AF%D9%8A%D8%AB-%D8%A7%D9%8A%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A9-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%82

https://www.abukhadeejah.com/polygamy-in-islam-better-than-being-alone/

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/poem-from-signs-of-pious-wives-is-they.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-to-those-not-strong-enough-to.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/note-my-answer-to-what-made-you-accept.html 

https://youtu.be/QUQlbKOJbKo

https://youtu.be/9tVsiWWZEWI