Tips: Eleven Signs Of Insecure And Jealous Co-Wives

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

🗒️ Eleven signs that indicate your co-wife feels really envious of you: 

1] She frequently mentions the husband whom you both love for Allah's sake as "my husband" ("zawjee") instead of "our husband" ("zawjunaa"). 

2] You can sense that she doesn't like it when her child/children would mingle with your child/children. 

3] You've noticed her scowling or spitefully rolling her eyes numerous times before and/or after having a conversation with her. 

4] She regularly excludes you from the gatherings and events which she organizes. Inviting you to join her for shopping or outings is something she seldom does. 

5] She can be obnoxiously passive-aggressive. If she agreed to do a task which you politely requested her to do, most of the time she doesn't fulfill her promise or she does it improperly on purpose. 

6] Whenever you share some good news with her, she flagrantly frowns, acts unimpressed or conveys certain info to imply she's still a lot better than you. 

7] If you manage a halal business, online and offline she seems enthusiastically supportive of other females who run the same kind of businesses as yours while she is unwilling to show you any support. 

8] Due to her intense feelings of jealousy, she is unable to laugh at your jokes yet she readily giggles when you make a mistake. 

9] You can feel her overly competitive vibes, and her competitiveness is more emotionally draining than inspiring. For instance, if she discovered that you and your husband went to a particular place, instantly she'd insist on going there too even though it's not something she'd typically enjoy. 

10] You're not "Facebook friends" yet she probably manages another account which she uses for stalking your status updates and scrutinizing your moves on social media, or she has you on her list of "Facebook friends" but she is rarely responsive to your posts. 

11] Oftentimes she "clumsily" elbows you or shoves you when walking by without apologizing, treating you rudely often to relieve aggravating feelings of jealousy. 

🟢 How to deal with a jealous co-wife:

A] Try to do what you can to befriend her for Allah's sake by gradually being nicer to her and letting her know that you're not a threat to this marriage. Aspire to help one another become better Muslims together with the husband whom you both love for Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. Remind each other that your actual enemy is shaytan who likely rejoices whenever the love in Muslim families is disrupted.

Or 

B] Cleverly keep your distance while maintaining basic courtesy, to protect yourself from her negative traits, yet be willing to develop your sisterhood in Islam if it is clear that she has decided to quit feeling insecure around you.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of envy, for it erases good deeds just as fire devours wood or grass."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4903

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Envy consumes good deeds just as fire burns wood. Charity (Sadaqah) extinguishes sinful deeds just as water extinguishes fire. Prayer is the light of the believer and fasting is his shield from the Hellfire."

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4210

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Ibn Asakir 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Faith (Imaan) and envy do not combine within a believing servant."

In another narration, the Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Greed and faith are never combined in the heart of a servant."

Source: Sunan Al-Nasā’ī 3109

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/note-mindset-of-ideal-muslim-wife-who.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/tips-its-hard-to-feel-jealous-when.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-to-those-not-strong-enough-to.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/tips-seven-things-to-tell-yourself-to.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/09/tips-types-of-wives-you-may-encounter.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/note-tips-for-co-wives-in-polygyny.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/note-husbands-must-treat-their-wives.html 

Tips: How To Deal With People Whose Rudeness And Disrespect Prove They're Jealous Of You

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📑 Obvious signs that someone is jealous of you, even if they deny their jealousy or act friendly:

1] They hate seeing you happy. Complimenting you for your good qualities, acknowledging your accomplishments and congratulating you on memorable occasions are too difficult for them to do.

2] Because your happiness makes them sad, they try to make you feel bad whenever possible. So they're likely to ignore you, underestimate you, or exclude you from group outings, meetings and social gatherings.

3] You can sense negative vibes coming from them, even if they fake a forced smile. Interactions with them are typically awkward or too brief, as though your presence brings them discomfort, due to their intense feelings of jealousy towards you. If you're observant enough, you may at times catch them scowling, frowning or rolling their eyes once you walk away from them.

4] Apologizing, appreciating you and maintaining general courtesy are things they can't do when you're around. Being rude, disrespectful, and indifferent, or falsely accusing you (Example: Claiming you're doing something to show off or you're infatuated with yourself) come naturally to them, which reflect their envious resentment.

5] If you're "friends" on Facebook, they never initiate chat conversations with you, check how you're doing or react to any of your status updates. If you're not connected on Facebook, their envy triggers them to stalk your timeline and comments on other users' walls to take advantage of whatever info you put out there or wait for you to post negative news to laugh at you when you're not doing well.

🔹 How to deal with individuals who clearly envy you:

1] Avoid giving them too much information about what's going on in your life, thoughts and dreams. The less they know about you, the better. Likewise, actively stay away from their negativity. If they stalk your Facebook timeline through another account, don't bother stalking theirs. Literally have nothing to do with them, especially if they can't benefit your overall well-being.

2] Just treat them like an acquaintance or a stranger whom you're not interested in getting close to. Continue practicing basic manners with them and answer their salaams if they say salaam to you.

3] Although they probably backbite and gossip about you, don't lower yourself to their low standards by similarly indulging in backbiting or spreading rumors.

Let Allah the Almighty deal with them, while you busy yourself with doing more good deeds, particularly saying Du'as and Dhikr often.

4] Focus on your own goals and be grateful for those carefully selected friends who value your companionship even if trustworthy companions are few.

5] Feel sorry for envious individuals who are emotionally disturbed by the enormous negative energy which result from envy. Thank Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala that you're not like them in struggling with insecurities, dissatisfaction with Qadr/Destiny and a lack of self-esteem.

🔹 Tips to avoid being jealous of anyone:

1] Realize that Allah the Most Wise blessed all His servants differently. Each blessing could be a trial or examination to test people's niyyah/intention or levels of faith, gratitude and patience. Instead of comparing your exam to someone else's, concentrate on passing Allah's tests as you strive to be the best version of yourself. 

2] Being content with whatever gift or favor that Allah the Most Merciful chose for you is one of the factors of being pleased with Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala as your Rabb and Creator Who has every right to provide what He Wills to whomever He chooses.

3] When you're aware that deliberately acting upon negative feelings of jealousy erases your good deeds, you try your utmost to save those rewards and avoid hating people for the things which Allah the All-Knowing destined to give them.

4] The more thankful you are to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala for the favors He bestowed upon you, the more you admit there's no reason to envy others for what they have or can do.

5] Part of truly loving a Muslim for Allah's sake is to be joyful when you see them smiling. Train yourself to express genuine joy whenever friends or loved ones attain success, without complaining or harboring jealous emotions.

Note: It's not always material things and worldly joys that cause some people to get jealous. Some people's hearts are so dark that they dislike your goodness and closeness to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. So it is not surprising to discover a lady who left her ex-husband for remarrying finds herself envying tough wives who are patiently content with a polygynous marriage life, or unsupportive distant relatives who act like you're not related in spite of your efforts to uphold family ties.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Do not envy each other, do not outbid each other, do not hate each other, do not turn away from each other, and do not outsell each other. Rather, be servants of Allah as brothers. The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor humiliate him, nor look down upon him. Righteousness is here," and he pointed to his chest three times. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "It is enough evil for a man to look down upon his Muslim brother. The entirety of the Muslim is sacred to another Muslim: his life, his wealth, and his reputation."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2564

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

📖 Wathilah Ibn al-Asqa’ RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The Muslim is sacred to another Muslim: his life, his honor, and his wealth. The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him or betray him. Righteousness is here," and he pointed to his heart. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "It is enough evil for a man to look down on his Muslim brother."

Source: Musnad Ahmed 15589

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Haythami

📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, who are the best people?” The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "One with a heart swept clean and truthful in speech." We said, “O Messenger of Allah, we know truthful in speech. What is a heart swept clean?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "One that is mindful of Allah and pure, in which there is no sin, nor aggression, nor envy." We said, “Who shows a sign of it?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "One who hates worldliness and loves the Hereafter." They said, “And who shows a sign of it?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A believer with good character."

Source: Shu'ab Al-Imān 4457

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

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