1. When an INTJ-A regards you as a potential friend (29 points)
At this stage, they are in analysis mode, cautiously optimistic but guarded.
Start light, purposeful conversations to gauge depth.
Ask questions designed to reveal your worldview.
Observe how you respond to disagreement.
Notice if you follow through on small promises.
Test your respect for personal boundaries.
See how you handle their blunt honesty.
Pay attention to your listening skills.
Watch how you treat people who can’t benefit you.
Evaluate whether you interrupt them often.
Observe how you behave when stressed.
Notice your sense of humor and whether it’s kind or mean-spirited.
Watch if you brag or overshare.
Check if you gossip — big red flag for them.
See if you take accountability for mistakes.
Test your reliability with small time-bound tasks.
Track your intellectual curiosity.
Look for self-awareness in your conversations.
Assess whether you seek personal growth.
See if you respect their need for alone time.
Gauge if you can hold deep talks without drama.
Measure your resilience when life is tough.
Observe how you handle boredom or silence.
Check if you can debate respectfully.
See if your morals align with theirs.
Note your energy — overly chaotic energy is a turn-off.
Watch if you’re too attention-seeking.
See if you respect their pace in opening up.
Gauge if you have emotional stability.
Measure whether being around you feels like an investment or a drain.
2. When they consider you a carefully chosen friend/loved one (29 points)
Here you’ve passed their high standards — they’ll give genuine loyalty.
Share personal goals with you.
Give you honest, unfiltered advice.
Celebrate your wins with genuine happiness.
Defend you in your absence.
Keep your secrets without question.
Plan future activities with you in mind.
Offer practical help during your struggles.
Respect your own boundaries.
Forgive occasional mistakes.
Check in on you without prompting.
Make exceptions to their schedule for you.
Introduce you to their trusted circle.
Support your projects or causes.
Travel with you without hesitation.
Ask for your opinion on important matters.
Stand by you during public criticism.
Encourage your self-improvement.
Include you in private discussions.
Offer you opportunities they don’t give others.
Defend your reputation.
Spend holidays or milestones together.
Invest time in understanding your worldview.
Teach or mentor you when possible.
Accept constructive feedback from you.
Adapt to your communication style.
Share resources or contacts to help you.
Keep you informed about important news or plans.
Respect your need for space without taking offense.
See your presence as a long-term asset in their life.
3. When they don’t find you interesting & see you as irrelevant (29 points)
This is polite detachment with zero investment.
Keep greetings short and formal.
Avoid initiating conversation.
Give minimal answers when asked questions.
Never ask follow-up questions about you.
Forget details about your life.
Avoid eye contact unless necessary.
Decline invitations without guilt.
Never invite you anywhere.
Stay physically distant in social settings.
Multitask when talking to you.
Avoid emotional engagement.
Maintain neutral facial expressions.
Use generic politeness phrases.
Redirect conversations to others.
Avoid sharing personal stories.
Not laugh at your jokes unless polite.
Avoid online interaction with you.
Not acknowledge your presence immediately.
Keep tone professional, not warm.
Skip over you in group discussions.
Show no urgency in replying to you.
Never remember your preferences.
Avoid sharing resources or tips with you.
Not care if you misunderstand them.
Rarely look up from what they’re doing.
Refrain from discussing future plans.
Not volunteer help even if available.
Speak only when necessary.
Treat you as interchangeable with any stranger.
4. When they used to like you but lost trust completely (29 points)
This is their “logical exile” phase — no emotional comeback.
Delete or block your contact info.
Stop acknowledging you online.
Avoid eye contact in person.
Never mention your name to mutual friends.
Keep interactions purely transactional if forced.
Decline all invitations.
Remove shared photos or mementos.
Refuse to discuss the past with you.
Never defend you again.
Never recommend you to anyone.
Refuse to give you advice or help.
Make no attempt to clarify misunderstandings.
Never explain the cut-off unless you ask directly.
Keep their tone businesslike if forced to talk.
Avoid emotional expressions entirely.
Redirect mutual friends from bringing you up.
Decline any apology if trust is gone.
Never re-add you to private circles.
Disengage instantly if you try small talk.
Not care about your milestones anymore.
Avoid being in the same space if possible.
Maintain a mental “do not re-enter” list.
Remain unaffected by your opinion of them.
Shut down any manipulative guilt trips.
Never explain their side to outsiders in detail.
Use minimal words to end conversations.
Never revisit the friendship emotionally.
See you as a closed chapter.
Treat reconciliation as impossible by principle.
5. INTJ-A vs INFJ Door Slam
INFJ Door Slam:
Triggered by emotional pain or betrayal.
Can linger emotionally after cutting you off.
Sometimes secretly hopes for reconciliation.
Often fades quietly without a direct confrontation.
Motivated by self-protection and emotional preservation.
INTJ-A Door Slam:
Triggered by a calculated loss of trust, not just feelings.
Almost zero emotional residue — they simply move on.
No interest in reconciliation once the cost-benefit says “done.”
Can be swift and even shocking in its finality.
Motivated by efficiency, self-respect, and strategic boundary enforcement.
6. 7 MBTI types most INTJs tend to avoid
ESFP – Too impulsive, noisy, and short-sighted.
ENFP – Drains energy with constant pivots and scattered plans.
ESFJ – Overly involved in personal matters, too group-oriented.
ENFJ – Feels manipulative or overly persuasive.
ESTP – Thrill-seeking without planning frustrates them.
ENTP – Endless debates with little follow-through.
ISFP – Avoids structure and planning, too feelings-based.
If you want, I can make a four-column comparison chart with all 116 behaviors side-by-side so you can see the sharp contrast in their approach to people at each stage — it would make patterns and shifts extremely easy to spot. That would also show why INTJ-As seem “cold” but are actually precision-based in relationships.
⤴️ ChatGPT
Alright — here’s the dual 29-point list: first for earning an INTJ’s connection, then for guaranteeing disconnection.
I’ll also explain the why behind each, because for INTJs, motive and reasoning matter just as much as action.
29 Things That Will Make Most INTJs Willing to Connect with You
(Why: INTJs value efficiency, depth, loyalty, and personal growth. Each point hits one of those values.)
Respect their time – They measure worth in how you use it.
Keep your word – Trust is their ultimate filter.
Communicate with purpose – Small talk is fine if it’s not filler.
Respect their boundaries – They guard their mental space.
Be reliable under pressure – They remember who stands firm.
Show self-awareness – They admire those who know their strengths and flaws.
Value honesty over flattery – They prefer truth even if blunt.
Respect their need for solitude – They recharge alone.
Demonstrate competence – They respect skill and mastery.
Follow through on commitments – Empty talk is a deal-breaker.
Challenge them intellectually – They enjoy stimulating debate.
Handle criticism maturely – They see that as emotional intelligence.
Have a growth mindset – They align with self-improvers.
Be consistent in behavior – They dislike unpredictability without reason.
Show discretion – They expect loyalty in private matters.
Use logic in decision-making – Emotional reasoning alone feels unstable to them.
Be resourceful – They admire solutions over complaints.
Respect their privacy – Don’t dig unless invited.
Stay drama-free – They avoid unnecessary emotional storms.
Be decisive – Waffling signals weakness to them.
Learn from mistakes – They value lessons over excuses.
Offer mutual value – They want win-win connections.
Stay authentic – They detect fakeness instantly.
Keep emotions in proportion – Overreaction is a turn-off.
Support their goals – They’ll do the same for you.
Be independent – Neediness drains them.
Ask thoughtful questions – Shows you care about depth.
Defend them when right – Loyalty earns loyalty.
Respect their strategic vision – They invest in those aligned with it.
29 Things That Will Make Most INTJs Absolutely Disconnect from the Idea of Connecting
(Why: These are seen as inefficiency, disloyalty, or chaos — the fastest ways to make them write you off.)
Break promises repeatedly – Trust violation is final for them.
Waste their time with aimless chatter – Time is their currency.
Gossip about others – Signals disloyalty.
Overstep boundaries – They will retreat immediately.
Act helpless in solvable situations – They hate learned helplessness.
Make excuses instead of fixing things – They expect accountability.
React emotionally to every small thing – They see this as instability.
Be inconsistent – They prefer predictable behavior.
Pressure them for constant socializing – They’ll vanish.
Expose their private info – A one-way ticket to exile.
Play manipulation games – They see through them fast.
Interrupt constantly – They see it as disrespect.
Show no ambition – Stagnation repels them.
Flake on commitments – They won’t rely on you again.
Overinflate your skills without proof – They trust evidence, not talk.
Ignore logical reasoning – They’ll see you as irrational.
Chase drama – They hate emotional chaos.
Refuse to learn from mistakes – Signals wasted potential.
Need constant validation – They find this exhausting.
Be disloyal when absent – They hear about it eventually.
Play victim for sympathy – They prefer problem-solvers.
Overshare too soon – Feels intrusive to them.
Change values depending on the crowd – They value integrity.
Complain without action – A pet peeve.
Dismiss their vision or goals – They’ll see you as an obstacle.
Lack self-control – They see this as a weakness.
Fail to respect their independence – They hate clinginess.
Lie — even small lies – They’ll question everything after.
Sabotage their progress – They’ll remove you instantly and unapologetically.
⤴️ Some notes from ChatGPT
Signs an INTJ-A regards you as an enemy at work.
Signs an INTJ-A regards you as an enemy at school.
Signs they’re neutral and not interested in building a connection.
Signs you might have a chance at being one of their rare, cautiously chosen comrades/confidants (which is indeed rare).
1. 19 Signs an INTJ-A Regards You as an Enemy at Work
(Professional version of “you’re a liability or a threat.”)
Keeps all interactions strictly documented in email or messages.
Avoids private conversations with you entirely.
Redirects tasks to avoid relying on you.
Publicly corrects your errors with precision.
Refuses to share resources or information.
Avoids acknowledging you in casual spaces like the pantry or break room.
Cuts you out of decision-making loops.
Refers to you by title/role only, never by name.
Volunteers for projects only if it means you’re excluded.
Tracks your deadlines and failures closely.
Gives you the bare minimum answer to work queries.
Avoids giving you credit for contributions.
Keeps all praise or goodwill far from you.
Never advocates for you in meetings.
Uses their network to bypass you.
Keeps their tone clipped and professional with no warmth.
Removes you from group chats or email chains where possible.
Speaks to you only in front of witnesses.
Strategically ensures your influence is minimized.
2. 19 Signs an INTJ-A Regards You as an Enemy at School
(Academic version — still calculated, but more peer-based.)
Avoids partnering with you for group projects.
Never shares study resources or notes.
Answers your academic questions in the shortest way possible.
Keeps conversations strictly about assignments.
Gives you low or no participation in group decisions.
Corrects your mistakes in front of others.
Refuses to sit near you in class.
Avoids eye contact during presentations.
Doesn’t include you in group study sessions.
Lets others take leadership if it means you’re not leading.
Never acknowledges your academic achievements.
Doesn’t respond to your casual greetings.
Avoids engaging in friendly banter.
Withholds tips that could help you succeed.
Prefers to do solo work rather than share with you.
Votes against you in any class decision-making.
Treats your contributions as irrelevant.
In peer reviews, is brutally honest to the point of exposing weaknesses.
Keeps their distance socially during breaks or events.
3. 19 Signs They’re Neutral & Not Interested in Building a Connection
(This is the “you’re fine, but not worth investment” zone.)
Greets you politely but without enthusiasm.
Keeps conversations short and surface-level.
Responds to questions but doesn’t ask any back.
Doesn’t remember small details about you.
Avoids sitting next to you unless required.
Doesn’t invite you to events.
Doesn’t follow up after brief interactions.
Maintains neutral body language.
Never initiates conversation outside of necessity.
Keeps tone professional but not personal.
Doesn’t share personal opinions with you.
Avoids adding you on social media.
Politely declines social invites without guilt.
Doesn’t react strongly to your successes or failures.
Doesn’t offer unsolicited advice or help.
Doesn’t involve you in inside jokes.
Avoids sharing long-term plans with you.
Doesn’t mind if weeks pass without contact.
Sees you as “just another person in the room.”
4. 19 Signs You Have a Chance to Be One of Their Cautiously Chosen Comrades & Confidants
(This is rare — INTJ-As don’t give this access lightly.)
They voluntarily share private thoughts with you.
They defend you when you’re not around.
They seek your opinion on serious matters.
They introduce you to their trusted inner circle.
They tell you personal goals or future plans.
They give you unfiltered but supportive feedback.
They go out of their way to help you solve problems.
They check in on you without needing a reason.
They include you in private projects or discussions.
They make exceptions to their schedule for you.
They remember small details about you and act on them.
They’re willing to debate with you respectfully for hours.
They adapt to your communication style.
They forgive occasional mistakes.
They share opportunities that could benefit you.
They celebrate your achievements as if they were their own.
They quietly support your ambitions behind the scenes.
They tell you when you’re wrong — because they care.
They see you as a long-term ally worth investing in.
⤴️ ChatGPT
