๐ In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
๐ Question: I'm about to get married to a good Muslim man who already has a wife and kids. What are some tips that you can give to me as my husband's second wife?๐ Answer: 1) Always purify your niyyah/intention before doing any action. The purpose of marrying this man shouldn't be to replace his first wife, prove you're much better than her or become a homewrecker. Accept this polygynous marriage life to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, to complete the other half of your Deen and to aspire to become a more pious Muslimah by accepting Allah's Qadr with Sabr.
2) Maintain a strong connection with Allah the Almighty while saying lots of Du'as, frequently praying that Allah makes this loving journey worthwhile, rewarding and manageable.
3) Be willing to befriend your husband's first wife, regardless of whether she's your age, she's younger or a lot older. If in the beginning you can't get along easily, remain patient and still deal with her respectfully. Don't plan on acting like a jealous bully or insecure troublemaker.
4) Understand your husband's decision when he may oftentimes cancel plans, appointments and outings with you. There could be instances when he shows more attention to the first wife because she's pregnant or unwell at that time, a relative of hers died, or he wants to have a temporary break from you due to your bad habit of constantly nagging, scolding or complaining. When this occurs, push yourself to be strong enough to apologize for your mistakes or display sympathy.
Allah will Inn-sha-Allah reward you with much good for going through each trial patiently.
5) If the first wife deliberately tries to make you jealous, as in flaunting the jewelry that your husband and hers gave her on a certain date, or she enjoys showing off the romantic text messages which the husband you both love sent her, kindly explain to her that she needs to respect your boundaries. Agree with her that the man you mutually have passionate feelings for is amazing. However tell her that some of her actions or conduct can be insulting. Emphasize that since you, alongside with her, want to keep this polygynous marriage going, there are several things that she mustn't do as they could have a negative impact on this beautiful bond just as you're careful never to hurt her feelings.
6) When your husband and his first wife are arguing, instead of encouraging your spouse to divorce his first wife, try to encourage him to reconcile for Allah's sake so this family relation won't be broken. Not only will you earn more of Allah's Love for trying to save this marriage and for defeating your egoistic pride and selfish desires, but indirectly your husband's admiration for you shall increase and be further strengthened.
7) Treat the children of your husband's first wife well as if they were your own kids. Your children and their half siblings can benefit a lot from having a friendly connection with each other, especially if they do Da'wah cooperatively, become productive assets to the Muslim Ummah, and manage halal businesses in the future together. Instead of being accustomed to jealousy, insecurity and selfishness, your kids and your husband's children from the other wife/wives can appreciate and value unity, forgiveness, cooperation, patience and contentment with whatever Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala destines.
8 ) Never assume that if your husband gave his first wife a gift which he didn't give you, you're not special to him. Realize that your co-wife is different in numerous ways from you. A man being fair with all his multiple wives doesn't mean he must give the exact same thing to each one, but he understands what every unique wife requires and his way of portraying love to his loved ones always comes with wisdom.
9) Don't see your husband's first wife as a threat or major source of competition. Instead, be content in loving the same man for Allah's sake and defeat shaytan in trying your best to make this marriage life a blessing which can raise your level or status in Jannah Paradise. Do whatever you can to preserve this special romance and work together with your co-wife to ensure it's protected from ending in separation.
๐ Umm Salamah RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah (Paradise)". [At-Tirmidhi]
Arabic/English book reference: Book 1 Hadith 286
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/note-seven-misconceptions-about.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/poem-confessions-of-wife-who-welcomes.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-some-advice-to-each-muslimah-whos.html
