Note: Lessons I've Learned From Hurt Emotions

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 A Facebook user asked me through inbox this question "Have you ever had someone/somebody in your life who made your life miserable since you were kid?"
I believe that question should be paraphrased because Alhamdulillah I wouldn't consider my life as "miserable since I was a kid".
Although I've gone through various instances where my feelings were hurt numerous times, those trials only made my faith/Imaan stronger Alhamdulillah as many valuable lessons were derived from each distressful or challenging experience.
Some examples of tough situations that I've experienced where I got hurt are:
1] When as a student in an Arabic national school back in Riyadh city, almost every time a teacher or administrative staff would mispronounce my full name out loud, a lot of my Saudi classmates would laugh, finding my "Mababaya" surname funny. Several of the girls would make jokes on how my family name sounded like "Mama" and "Baba" so much so that I tried to cancel it and wrote "Mariam Omar M." on my notebooks and exam papers. Still there had to be regular attendance checkups where my full name would be mentioned followed by instant giggles and laughter. I find it strange how I was able to tolerate their teasing from kindergarten to seventh grade, even after encountering a few bullies who complicated my studies and frequently stole my money.
For eighth grade my dear parents (May Allah have mercy on them. Ameen.) transferred me to English private international schools because the mathematics subject, particularly algebra, was getting too difficult that even my father couldn't always help me answer my assignments.
2] When my husband angrily told me "You think I love you? Stop thinking I love you." while arguing with him about an issue I can't really recall. I can remember though how that verbal fight happened in the first months of our marriage when we were just starting to learn more about each other. I think I was around 21 or 22 at that time while he was 30 or 31.
Alhamdulillah I forgave my husband, and refuse to let prideful ego get in between us.
3] When I saw that my husband's second wife got a wedding ring while I didn't receive a ring from him, as his first wife. Upon confronting my husband about it, he lovingly explained to me how I'm supposedly "religious" and in Islam married couples don't need wedding rings to prove they're married. Alhamdulillah I understood his decision especially since the second wife is a revert (balik Islam) who wasn't yet familiar with the rulings we Muslims are expected to follow.
Inn-sha-Allah if my husband ever gets a third wife and she gets a wedding ring despite being born Muslim, I won't be bothered because I still firmly believe that wives and husbands aren't obliged to imitate non-Muslims in wearing an object to symbolize their marital status. I'm female; do I need to put on a flowery hat with the words "she" or wear pink all the time to emphasize womanhood? No. I don't even like the color pink. Plus since I no longer wear watches and bracelets because it actually feels uncomfortable to have something dangling around my wrists, and Alhamdulillah I'm not in that fashionista-wannabe stage anymore, the more it doesn't make sense to wear a tight ring on my finger. I won't allow a tiny ring to define the value of my loyalty towards my other half, when loving my husband for Allah's sake is far greater than the worth of tangible diamonds and gold.
4] When I was delightfully excited to befriend this lady around my age and introduced her to another friend of mine only to realize those two became really close friends who preferred to hang out without me. I realized that a group of three friends or trio normally can't get along for long periods unless their interests, likes, dislikes, goals, and personality traits are peacefully in sync with each other. Alhamdulillah we're still acquaintances who treat each other with basic courtesy, accompanied by some distance so our values don't bring about conflict or unnecessary drama.
5] When another woman invited me to her residence nearby and I was looking forward to being one of her close friends until one day I found out she initiated a sleepover with other females around our age. One of them posted about it on her timeline, which is how I discovered they had a sleepover without me. I'm not being sensitive. I just find it very odd and passive-aggressive how she didn't invite me when she made it clear during my first visit that I'm welcome to sleep in her house some time. Imagine me bringing you to a restaurant and we dine together, then I tell you "This was fun. Next time we should come back here and try out the other dishes." then when that next time comes I invite other friends and completely treat you like the dinner we had before never happened. It doesn't feel nice, does it? I guess some people haven't learned yet to let go of their immature ways when they were younger. It's true; age doesn't measure maturity levels, what can is integrity or good character. After some careful contemplation, I figured maybe she's jealous that I am one of those few women who are okay with polygyny or she's envious that I'm married to a medical doctor.
🔹 Tips on how to deal with hurt feelings:
1] Remember our actual purpose in life, which is to worship only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, not to satisfy nor adjust to the expectations of His servants.
2] Understand that humans, including ourselves, are full of flaws, imperfections and susceptibility to forget or misinterpret. Forgive those who have hurt us, whether their hurtful acts were done deliberately, forgetfully or unknowingly. At one point or another, we too may have hurt other individuals purposely or unintentionally. Forgiving others, whether we choose to reconcile with some of them later or simply forgive and move on, grants freedom to the heart when it no longer carries the heavy burden of wounded emotions.
3] Be inspired by the admirable strength, patience and resilience of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, who on one occasion had some filth placed on his back by some obnoxious unbelievers while he was praying in front of the Ka'bah and his daughter Fatima RadhiAllahu 'anha patiently removed it from her father. The noble Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam was considered as a "madman", "lunatic", "liar", "sorcerer" or "magician" by many polytheists and hypocrites yet he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam remained courageously steadfast, firm and strong in faith/Imaan.
If Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, namely the best of all human beings, was not exempted from being the recipient of some ignorant people's enmity, antagonism, false accusations, ridicule, and rejection, who are we to assume that we don't deserve to get hurt?
This is dunya.  Expect to get hurt.
Hurt can either lead us to feeling hopeless or we can use it as a positive asset to intensify our trust in Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, aware that Only Allah the Almighty can judge us, and so long as Allah the Most Merciful loves us, we can survive confidently without attachment to people who will be called to account for their deeds on the Day of Judgment.
Heal from hurt by allowing it to positively transform you into a better Muslim who is contented with Allah's Love and who appreciates the virtues of rewarding Sabr/patience.
In Jannah Paradise all our worries, hurtful experiences and sorrow can be gladly forgotten.
~*~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the  phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2664
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim