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الحمد لله.
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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
الحمد لله رب العالمين
والصلاة والسلام على أشرف المرسلين سيدنا محمد صل الله عليه و سلم وعلى آله وصحبه ومن تبعهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين
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السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
Dear sisters in Islam,
The topic which I've chosen to discuss
Inn-sha-Allah revolves around the importance of being aware of how to deal with different types of emotions as Muslims.
If you have observed throughout the years, ever since Allah the Almighty gave you the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, and how to differentiate between one feeling and another, you would acknowledge the fact that most of the crimes which were committed in the past and present had something in common - a lot of the perpetuators and criminals did what they did because of failure to control their temporary emotions. Perhaps you discovered or were informed of some news concerning a woman who killed her husband's other legal wife and wondered how can a Muslim who prays to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and fasts during Ramadan be capable of committing the major sin of murder?
Do you remember the story of the two sons of Prophet Adam 'alaihis salaam? Qaabeel قابيل or Cain
And Haabeel هابيل or Abel in English language?
One of the brothers murdered the other because of intense jealousy and anger regarding feeling unappreciated by their father Prophet Adam 'alaihis salaam. This case also reminds us of how the half brothers of Prophet Yusuf 'alaihis salaam felt compelled to do whatever they can to get rid of him. So the envy which they were unable to overcome provoked them to throw Prophet Yusuf 'alaihis salaam into a well despite his young age and to invent an atrocious lie to their father, Prophet Jacob, Ya'qoob 'alaihis salaam. If they were actually strong enough to control their jealous emotion, they probably wouldn't have been guilty of oppressing their younger half brother and lying to their aging father, particularly as "adults" or "grown men".
✅ In a Hadith narrated by An-Nu'man Ibn Bashir RadhiAllahu 'anhu: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the whole body is sound, and if corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 52, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
عن النعمان بن بشير رضي الله عنهما قال: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: ((ألا وإن في الجسد مضغة إذا صلحت صلح الجسد كله، وإذا فسدت فسد الجسد كله، ألا وهي القلب))؛ متفق عليه[1].
This is a clear evidence that if we can
Inn-sha-Allah succeed in controlling our emotions or if we, with Allah's Will and Guidance, know how to prevent our current feelings from clouding our judgment, our actions and decisions we strive to make can
Inn-sha-Allah be sound and upright.
So how exactly can we manage our emotions before they can overwhelm us?
We can Inn-sha-Allah achieve that by carefully reflecting on the following questions, whenever we sense or feel a certain kind of emotion:
📝📋
Question number
1] What emotion am I feeling right now?
- One of the first steps in managing your emotions is to have awareness, to recognize the kind of sentiment which you're currently feeling, and to confirm that you truly feel that way instead of denying it or lying to yourself from within.
2] Why do I feel this way?
This is where you can
Inn-sha-Allah determine if whatever emotion you're currently feeling is justified or understandable.
3] Will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with me if I act upon this temporary emotion?
Or, what are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?
4] What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?
5] Can I transform this negative emotion to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?
Or, would it be possible for me to gain rewards and receive more of Allah's Love if I train myself to have patience for Allah's sake with whatever I am feeling at the moment?
~•~
Let us now try to apply those five questions when dealing with five types of emotions which all of us human beings encounter on different occasions.
🔲 The first emotion:
Sadness or sorrow.
If you ask yourself this question:
1) "What emotion am I feeling right now?"
You could state, "I feel sad, unhappy or unsatisfied with this current situation... This unpleasant emotion causes me to feel uninspired, unmotivated or unable to focus on several tasks etc."
Then you ask yourself the second question:
2) "Why do I feel this way?"
You could say, "I'm sad because a loved one died, we got into many arguments and I couldn't apologize to them before they passed away,
Or I feel miserable because I didn't pass the board exam for the second time even though most of my nights were spent on studying and reviewing,
Or I feel unhappy because the guy who made a marriage proposal and spoke to my father some weeks ago changed his decision and married my cousin instead."
The third question:
3] "Will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with me if I act upon this temporary emotion?
Or, what are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?"
Sadness can often lead to the following sins, if it is not managed well:
¶• Self-harm or intentionally inflicting injury on oneself as an unhealthy way of coping with feeling depressed.
¶• Suicide or attempting to take one's own life while Only Allah the Almighty is the One Who causes death when He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Wills.
¶• Loudly expressing grief or wailing and questioning Allah's Decree when the soul of somebody close returns to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
The fourth question:
4] "What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?"
When I'm feeling sad, I could release the sadness in the form of crying to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and saying some heartfelt Du'a, praying at least two Sunnah Rak'ahs of Salat At-Tahajjud / Qiyaam Al-Layl when most individuals are asleep, or I could enjoy inner peace and soothe my soul by reading from the Noble Qur'an, with a beautiful tone, on a regular basis.
The fifth question:
5] "Can I transform this negative emotion to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?
Or, would it be possible for me to gain rewards and receive more of Allah's Love if I train myself to have patience for Allah's sake with whatever I am feeling at the moment?"
📖 According to a Hadith narrated by Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Nothing afflicts a Muslim of hardship, nor illness, nor anxiety, nor sorrow, nor harm, nor distress, not even the pricking of a thorn, but that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) will expiate his sins by it."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5318
Sahih Muslim 2573
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim.
عنْ أَبي سَعيدٍ وأَبي هُرَيْرة رضيَ اللَّه عَنْهُمَا عن النَّبيِّ ﷺ قَالَ: مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حَزَن وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غمٍّ، حتَّى الشَّوْكَةُ يُشَاكُها إِلاَّ كفَّر اللَّه بهَا مِنْ خطَايَاه متفقٌ عَلَيهِ.
And in another Hadith
📖 Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which of the people are most severely tested?” The Messenger of Allah, Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, said, "They are the prophets, then the next best (in terms of piety), then the next best. A man is put to trial according to his Deen/religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is put to trial according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be put to trial until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2398
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
سُئِلَ رسولُ اللهِ أيُّ الناسِ أشدُّ بلاءً قال الأنبياءُ ثم الأمثلُ فالأمثلُ يُبتَلى الناسُ على قدرِ دِينِهم فمن ثَخنَ دِينُه اشتدَّ بلاؤه ومن ضعُف دِينُه ضعُفَ بلاؤه وإنَّ الرجلَ لَيصيبُه البلاءُ حتى يمشيَ في الناسِ ما عليه خطيئةٌ
الراوي : سعد بن أبي وقاص | المحدث : الألباني | المصدر : صحيح الترغيب | الصفحة أو الرقم : 3402 | خلاصة حكم المحدث : صحيح
The temporary feeling of sadness can
Inn-sha-Allah become manageable when you remind yourself that you're not the only person on earth who feels sad at times. All of Allah's Prophets 'alaihim as-salaam, including His beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, occasionally went through trials and challenging circumstances which triggered feelings of sorrow or distress.
You're not the only one who feels sad sometimes. Plus, this world which we currently live in is not Jannah Paradise where delight and happiness are eternal.
With this temporary feeling of sadness,
I could Inn-sha-Allah look forward to atonement for my previous sins and be inspired to increase saying the Adhkaar including Istighfaar.
📖 Abdullah Ibn Busr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Blessed is he who finds many prayers for forgiveness (Istighfaar) in his record (account of deeds)."
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 3818
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
عن عبد الله بن بسر - رضي الله عنه - قال: قال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم -: (طوبى لمن وجد في كتابه استغفاراً كثيراً) رواه ابن ماجه والنسائي والطبراني، ورواه البيهقي عن عائشة - رضي الله عنها - مرفوعاً.
I could also share some of my experiences with sadness and how I successfully tackled them, with guidance from Allah the Most Wise, to motivate other Muslimahs to stay resilient and patient for Allah's sake with the challenges they're going through at this time.
📖 Abu Mas'ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a reward like the one who did it."
Source: Sahih Muslim 1893
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
عن أَبِي مسعودٍ عُقبَةَ بْن عمْرٍو الأَنْصَارِيِّ البدري رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّه ﷺ: مَنْ دَلَّ عَلَى خَيْرٍ فَلهُ مثلُ أَجْرِ فَاعِلِهِ.
رواه مسلم.
~•~
🔲 The second emotion:
Excessive fear or severe anxiety.
If you ask yourself:
1] "What emotion am I feeling right now?"
You could say "I feel afraid to raise my hand because I fear that my classmates would laugh if the professor doesn't select me to answer the question,
Or I dread receiving news that my husband remarries his former girlfriend who recently embraced Islam even though he promised that he would still keep me as his first wife,
Or I'm scared of traveling to Saudi Arabia to perform Hajj even though my brother and uncles agreed to accompany me as my mahrams."
Question number two:
2] "Why do I feel this way?"
You could respond with, "Maybe I am afraid for now because I haven't tried this activity before,
Or I fear not being able to find my way back to the hotel from the Masjid if I lost the group that I'm traveling with and if I struggle to communicate with the locals,
Or I feel terrified of speaking on that stage because I worry about the nightmare becoming a reality."
Question number three:
3] "What are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?"
Excessive fear and doubts could compel a woman to ask a sorcerer to carry out witchcraft or perform some so-called "love spell" on her husband so he remains "in love" with her and doesn't wish to remarry,
Or a businessman to consult or seek assistance from several fortunetellers regarding the most ideal locations to establish his franchise or company.
Question number four:
4] What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?
I could focus on trusting Only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and fearing Him Only, instead of panicking about how Allah's servants perceive me, while reminding myself of the truth that Allah the All-Knowing العليم has full control over everybody and everything.
Question number five:
5] Can I transform this negative emotion to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?
Yes. Alhamdulillah the feeling of anxiousness or worry can be an incentive to say Du'a and increase one's efforts to beg Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala for His Guidance and Protection, while recalling that nothing can occur in the universe unless Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala decrees it.
📖 Ibn 'Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam when he said to me, "Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you. If you ask, ask from Allah. If you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that if the nations were to gather together to benefit you, they will not benefit you unless Allah has decreed it for you. And if the nations gathered together to harm you, they will not harm you unless Allah has decreed it for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2516
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi
عن عبد الله بن عباس رضي الله عنهما قال: كنت خلف النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يوماً فقال يا غلام، إني أعلمك كلمات: «احْفَظِ اللهَ يحفظْك، احفظ الله تَجِدْه تُجَاهَك، إذا سألت فاسأل الله، وإذا اسْتَعَنْتَ فاسْتَعِن بالله، واعلمْ أن الأمةَ لو اجتمعت على أن ينفعوك بشيء لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك، وإن اجتمعوا على أن يَضرُّوك بشيء لم يَضرُّوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك، رفعت الأقلام وجفت الصحف». وفي رواية: «احفظ الله تَجِدْه أمامك، تَعرَّفْ إلى الله في الرَّخَاء يَعرِفْكَ في الشِّدة، واعلم أنَّ ما أخطأَكَ لم يَكُنْ ليُصِيبَكَ، وما أصَابَكَ لم يَكُنْ لِيُخْطِئَكَ، واعلم أن النصرَ مع الصبرِ، وأن الفرجَ مع الكَرْبِ، وأن مع العُسْرِ يُسْرًا».
[صحيح] - [رواه الترمذي وأحمد بروايتيه]
~•~
🔲 The third emotion:
Anger or fury.
Question one:
1] Ask yourself:
"What emotion am I feeling right now?"
You could answer, "I feel angry that this self-entitled coworker lied to me more than twice and my resentment resulted in me wanting to avoid her as much as possible,
Or I feel aggravated that the products which I ordered through Shopee and Lazada arrived at the wrong destination for the seventh time,
Or I am annoyed by how they expect me to always be on time during faculty meetings yet when it is time for Fajr Salah, I'm the one waking up a lot earlier than them most of the time."
Those are some situations in which a person is likely to feel some anger.
Question two:
2] "Why do I feel this way?"
You could say, "I feel bothered by that specific colleague because I was actually looking forward to considering them as one of my close friends and we could spend time together outdoors a lot, specially as neighbors, but their silly mistakes only proved that they can never be trusted."
Question three:
3] "Will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with me if I act upon this temporary emotion?"
Your response can be:
"If I could express my bitterness towards this untruthful and unreliable colleague, I would regularly rant about their stupidity on social media and maybe command them to "shut up, I despise you with a passion" every time they approach me for something, but behaving with such rudeness and lack of good manners could bring about Allah's Displeasure which I do not want. So what I would do is to remain formal and detached but somewhat polite."
Question four:
4] "What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?"
I could Inn-sha-Allah practice some of the anger management tips which I've learned and researched, including actively avoiding and staying as far away as I can from any individual or situation which could provoke annoyance, and if I must deal with some kind of frustration or unavoidable stressful moment, I can try to train myself to remain calm with patience and listen to some soothing Qur'an recitations while resting or about to take a nap.
📖 Abu Dharr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said to us, "If one of you is angry while he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will leave him; otherwise, let him lie down."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4782
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
عَنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُول اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ
إِذَا غَضِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ وَهُوَ قَائِمٌ فَلْيَجْلِسْ فَإِنْ ذَهَبَ عَنْهُ الْغَضَبُ وَإِلَّا فَلْيَضْطَجِعْ
4782 سنن أبي داود كتاب الأدب باب ما يقال عند الغضب
4782 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في صحيح أبي داود
Other ways of coping with angry emotions, as a Muslim, is to evaluate your values and search for the benefits and blessings in disguise behind the incidents which provoked anger. Maybe your anger is a proof that you actually care about what you believe is important to you. In the case of the untrustworthy colleague, your anger showed how much you value authenticity and honesty. It's okay to feel angry sometimes, especially if your fury is justified, but make sure, as much as possible, that your angry emotions do not lead to self-sabotage or devastating outcomes.
Question five:
5] Can I transform this negative emotion to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?
Yes. Whenever I feel angry, I could cool off by performing wudhu / ablution then pray two Sunnah Rak'ahs, as long as this voluntary prayer isn't done during sunrise or sunset.
I could also allow my heart and soul to heal by reading some pages from the Noble Qur'an as often as I can, while aspiring to earn a multitude of hasanaat or rewards by reciting each letter with Tarteel and tranquility.
~•~
🔲 The fourth emotion:
Envy or jealousy.
Again, if you implement the five questions to reflect on, starting from...
The first question:
1] "What emotion am I feeling right now?"
You could describe your current mood as "Feeling jealous every time a particular female flaunts or shows off online the romantic gestures which her husband does."
The second question:
2] "Why do I feel this way?"
You could explain that you oftentimes get triggered by jealousy whenever you notice a Muslimah being vocal and loud about her appreciation for her spouse whom she gets to see daily because, even though you admit that you are more than contented with staying fiercely loyal to the man whom Allah the Most Wise chose as your other half and soulmate, you aren't really excited about having to miss him each time he isn't around.
The third question:
3] "What are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?"
Gossiping, backbiting, attempting to spoil the reputation or image of the envied individual and acting like an obnoxious bully towards them, or resorting to sorcery and black magic are some of the destructive acts which many females are guilty of when they are overwhelmed by jealousy. We must avoid these transgressions for Allah's sake, as Muslims, especially if we wish to retain our good deeds and join those believers whom Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala is pleased with.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever wrongs his brother in his honor or anything else should resolve the matter today before it cannot be resolved with gold and silver coins. If he has good deeds to his credit, they will be taken from him according to the measure of his injustice. If he has no good deeds left, he will bear the evil deeds of the one he has oppressed."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 2317
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ مَظْلَمَةٌ لِأَخِيهِ مِنْ عِرْضِهِ أَوْ شَيْءٍ فَلْيَتَحَلَّلْهُ مِنْهُ الْيَوْمَ قَبْلَ أَنْ لَا يَكُونَ دِينَارٌ وَلَا دِرْهَمٌ إِنْ كَانَ لَهُ عَمَلٌ صَالِحٌ أُخِذَ مِنْهُ بِقَدْرِ مَظْلَمَتِهِ وَإِنْ لَمْ تَكُنْ لَهُ حَسَنَاتٌ أُخِذَ مِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ صَاحِبِهِ فَحُمِلَ عَلَيْهِ
2317 صحيح البخاري كتاب المظالم باب من كانت له مظلمة عند الرجل فحللها له هل يبين مظلمته
The fourth question:
4] "What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?"
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way not to belittle the favors of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala)."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6125
Sahih Muslim 2963
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال: قال رسولُ اللَّه ﷺ: انْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ هو أَسفَل مِنْكُمْ وَلا تَنْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ هُوَ فَوقَكُم؛ فهُوَ أَجْدَرُ أَن لا تَزْدَرُوا نعمةَ اللَّه عَلَيْكُمْ.
متفقٌ عَلَيْهِ، وهذا لفظ مسلمٍ.
وفي رواية البخاري: إِذا نَظَر أَحَدُكُمْ إِلَى مَنْ فُضِّلَ عليهِ في المالِ وَالخَلْقِ فلْيَنْظُرْ إِلَى مَنْ هُوَ أَسْفَلُ مِنْهُ.
If ever I notice myself feeling slightly jealous of how a Muslimah seems overjoyed and grateful that she gets to spend more time with her spouse than I can enjoy quality time with my dear husband, I would remind myself of the countless blessings and gifts found in my own love journey and, Alhamdulillah, I would recall the hundreds of women around the world who are likewise very satisfied with their marriages but they don't get to meet up with their husband as frequently as I can with mine.
The fifth question:
5] "Is it be possible for me to gain rewards and receive more of Allah's Love if I train myself to have patience for Allah's sake with whatever I am feeling at the moment?"
Yes, Inn-sha-Allah.
Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala says in Surah Al-Muminoon (the believers)
سورة المؤمنون
قال الله سبحانه و تعالى:
إِنِّي جَزَيْتُهُمُ الْيَوْمَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا أَنَّهُمْ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ (111)
"Today I (Allah the Almighty) have indeed rewarded them for their (patience) perseverance: they are certainly the victorious."
...the winners, who have succeeded in passing Allah's tests with guidance from Him Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
~•~
🔲 The fifth and last emotion which we can mention today is:
Infatuation, fixation with or obsession over somebody who is unmarriageable.
Question one:
1] "What emotion am I feeling right now?"
Perhaps you could say that ever since you started seeing the admirable qualities of a particular individual, for example an ustadh or one of your neighbors, you began developing some strange feelings of attraction for them. You tend to think of their noteworthy characteristics or "cute face" a lot, so much so that whenever you go to the places which you both frequent, you wish to bump into them and hear their voice again.
Question two:
2] "Why do I feel this way?"
The response to this could be: "I probably have a crush on this person because they make me feel good about myself, complimenting me whenever I answer a question correctly and inspiring me to pursue my dreams."
Question three:
3] "What are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?"
Zina / fornication and adultery are the usual consequences of failing to control one's feelings of attraction towards somebody who is unattainable.
There is also a possibility for same-sex attraction, homosexuality or bisexuality to take place if two individuals of the same gender can't resist their excessive liking or admiration for each other.
These major sins must be avoided for Allah's sake, as Muslims who strive to uphold Allah's Laws and Legislations.
Question four and five:
4] "What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion? Can I transform this temporary feeling to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?"
It is not a sin or crime to find another individual "attractive" or to feel "attracted" to them. What is wrong is to actually put zina into action, to go on dates with an illegitimate companion, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", and to stare at their uploaded photos while fantasizing about them.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah has pardoned my nation for what occurs within themselves, as long as they do not speak of it or act upon it."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6287, Sahih Muslim 127
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه عن النبي محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «إن الله تَجَاوَزَ عن أمتي ما حَدَّثَتْ به أَنْفُسَهَا، ما لم تَعْمَلْ أو تتكلم» قال قتادة: «إذا طَلَّقَ في نفسه فليس بشيء».
[صحيح] - [متفق عليه]
🟢 Some tips on how to fully detach from those whom you have a crush on but can't marry:
1] Try the "out of sight, out of mind" tactic, so they can be forgotten. Avoid or minimize going to the areas at school, at work, in the city and online where you know they frequently go to. Unfriend or unfollow them on social media if doing so brings you closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, even if this choice may upset them.
Both of you can Inn-sha-Allah be rewarded for striving to maintain patience.
2] Lower your gaze whenever they are around and when quickly noticing pictures of themselves online. Don't keep staring at their faces, bodies and pictures no matter how much you may want to.
3] Recall their negative qualities that actually turn you off so you no longer find them attractive, or recount all the reasons why it's impossible for you to be romantically together.
4] People who wish to lose weight avoid excessive food even if they normally enjoy overeating whenever they like, yet they have the stamina to stay away from eating excessively in order to achieve their goal to become physically fit. If they can do that, just as you're able to resist eating and drinking while fasting, you too have the ability to detach from the urge to commit zina - a major sin.
So that avoiding this so-called "crush" becomes easier or manageable, make sure that you are doing this sincerely to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. Anything done for Allah's sake with Ikhlaas sincerity becomes worthwhile
Inn-sha-Allah and achievable.
5] Constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting upon sinful thoughts and inappropriate feelings. Imagine actually having done what you desire to do with the person you're crushing on behind closed doors and then instantly regretting your wrong decision in this world and the next.
6] Acknowledge the fact that daydreaming about being in an affair with your crush is irrational. If it's something that can never happen in real life, must never take place, or it is one of shaytan's tricks which eventually directs you to massive remorse, do not bother entertaining those nonsensical illusions.
7] Get married sincerely for Allah's sake to preserve your modesty and focus on loving the soul whom Allah the Most Wise selects as your spouse.
8] If you still can't forget those whom your heart regards as "irresistible" or "magnetic", admit that yes you like them a lot, while knowing what your boundaries and restrictions are. The similitude of avoiding what you desire is that of a diabetic who intentionally refrains from excess sugar and carbohydrates which they'd freely enjoy if they weren't struggling with diabetes. Although they relish sugary foods and carbs, they distance themselves from what can cause their health condition to decline.
Respect yourself enough to leave what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has prohibited.
9] Do what you can to be prepared for death and look forward to being granted entry Inn-sha-Allah to Jannah Paradise, where all wishes and desires can be fulfilled.
10] Make sincere effort to fast Sunnah fasts regularly like on Yawm 'Arafah and every other Monday and Thursday. Fasting is another way to effectively discipline your soul, training your nafs to gain inner strength in avoiding what should be avoided.
11] Realize that if you genuinely love that particular soul whom you admire, wouldn't you want what is best for them? Getting into zina will only result in you two being exposed to humiliation in both worlds, so why jeopardize your faith/Imaan and dignity by pursuing what is clearly haraam/forbidden.
Staying patient for Allah's sake as you ignore those whom your heart desires or struggling with feeling heartbroken in dunya is better than fulfilling animalistic urges then eternally regretting.
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📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2664
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: " المؤمن القوي خير وأحب إلى الله من المؤمن الضعيف وفي كل خير. احرص على ما ينفعك، واستعن بالله ولا تعجز. وإن أصابك شيء فلا تقل: لو أني فعلت كان كذا وكذا، ولكن قل: قدر الله، وما شاء فعل؛ فإن لو تفتح عمل الشيطان" (( رواه مسلم)).
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To recap (ree-caap), the five questions which you can ask yourself when dealing with any emotion are:
1] What emotion am I feeling right now?
2] Why do I feel this way? A lot of emotions which are generated in the heart are actually suggestions from our archenemy shaytan who wants to mislead and divert us from our actual purpose in life.
3] Will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with me if I act upon this temporary emotion?
Or, what are the sins (wrongdoings, deeds that are haraam / forbidden) which this emotion can lead to if it is left uncontrolled,
and will Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala love me more if I do them, even if I supposedly have "good intentions" or so-called "valid reasons" to do them?
4] What can I do to keep myself distracted and far away from this negative emotion?
5] Can I transform this negative emotion to something that is positive, rewarding and beneficial for my soul in this world and the next life?
Or, would it be possible for me to gain rewards and receive more of Allah's Love if I train myself to have patience for Allah's sake with whatever I am feeling at the moment?
💎 Three additional tips to succeed
Inn-sha-Allah in managing your heart and emotions:
1➡️ Never stop learning about our Deen (religion) and strive to ensure that our belief 'Aqeedah is correct by studying about Islam through the right sources.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. People do not gather in the Houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying It together, but that tranquility will descend upon them, mercy will cover them, angels will surround them, and Allah will mention them to those near Him."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2699
Grade: Sahih
In another Hadith, and Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala knows best:
عَنْ أَبي الدَّرْداءِ، رضي الله عنه، قَال: سمِعْتُ رَسُول اللَّهِ ﷺ، يقولُ: منْ سَلَكَ طَريقًا يَبْتَغِي فِيهِ علْمًا سهَّل اللَّه لَه طَريقًا إِلَى الجنةِ، وَإنَّ الملائِكَةَ لَتَضَعُ أجْنِحَتَهَا لِطالب الْعِلْمِ رِضًا بِما يَصْنَعُ، وَإنَّ الْعالِم لَيَسْتَغْفِرُ لَهُ منْ في السَّمَواتِ ومنْ فِي الأرْضِ حتَّى الحِيتانُ في الماءِ، وفَضْلُ الْعَالِم عَلَى الْعابِدِ كَفَضْلِ الْقَمر عَلى سَائِرِ الْكَوَاكِبِ، وإنَّ الْعُلَماءَ وَرَثَةُ الأنْبِياءِ وإنَّ الأنْبِياءَ لَمْ يُورِّثُوا دِينَارًا وَلا دِرْهَمًا وإنَّما ورَّثُوا الْعِلْمَ، فَمنْ أَخَذَهُ أَخَذَ بِحظٍّ وَافِرٍ. رواهُ أَبُو داود والترمذيُّ.
2➡️ Choose your close friends very carefully. Do not associate yourself with individuals who could get you into trouble in this world and the afterlife.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
عن أبي هريرة -رضي الله عنه- أَن النبيَّ محمد -صَلّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وسَلَّم- قَالَ: «الرَّجُلُ عَلَى دِينِ خَلِيلِهِ، فَلْيَنْظُر أَحَدُكُم مَنْ يُخَالِل».
3➡️ Always, always, always purify your niyyah / intention before doing any deed, making sure that you do what you do and say what you say only to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and to be closer to Him.
Allah the Almighty says in Surah Saad
سورة ص:
قَالَ فَبِعِزَّتِكَ لَأُغْوِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْمَعِينَ (82)
إِلَّا عِبَادَكَ مِنْهُمُ الْمُخْلَصِينَ (83)
"shaytan / the devil, on one occasion, said to our Rabb and Creator Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala: By Your Might (or by Your Glory, Allah the Almighty), I shall mislead them all... except for your servants among them who are sincere
(mukhliseen مخلصين)."
May Allah the Most Merciful make us among the sincere believers, accept our good deeds, and grant us more guidance to the righteous actions which lead to a beautiful entry to Jannatul Ferdaus with Allah's Mercy. Ameen.
سُبْحَانَكَ اللَّهُمَّ وَبِحَمْدِكَ ، أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ ، أَسْتَغْفِرُكَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْكَ
🌻
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
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💎 Link to the article on how to deal with five types of emotions as Muslims:
