📜 Question: Some of my colleagues at work pretend to like me, but I can sense that their friendliness is not genuine. How do I deal with people who hate me although I don't remember doing anything wrong to them?
📝 Answer: When you live your whole life with the purpose to please Only
Allah the Almighty, you won't feel negatively affected by His servants' hatred,
rejection and enmity. The more you love Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and the
more you're comfortable with yourself as a Muslim, the less you seek people's
approval and the more you don't care about any human's validation.
There are
some reasons why some individuals may dislike us, besides Allah the Most Wise
not decreeing our companionship and bond to take place:
1) We
remind them of someone they hate. So they don't want to have anything to do
with us.
2) We have certain qualities that highly contradict theirs. Maybe we're outgoing and talkative; they're reserved and shy. We prefer honesty and show no interest in sugarcoating things; they are more of the sympathetic and 'careful not to hurt anyone's feelings' type.
3) Some of our achievements make them feel small or inferior when it's not our intention to offend anyone. If a person is insecure while you're confident, it is not your fault if they avoid you due to feeling jealously threatened.
4) You probably did something in the past that offended them, but you're still unaware of what you did that they thought was insulting. You can discuss with them about this to solve the problem, or just let it go and be the bigger person by being forgiving.
5) Your values don't match theirs and you're simply too different to be able to connect well. For example if I'm in favor of polygyny, I may clash with many women who are intimidated by the fact that men in Islam are allowed to be married to up to four wives. If I'm the kind that is not afraid of debates and confrontation, I may unintentionally scare away those who prefer not to speak their mind.
2) We have certain qualities that highly contradict theirs. Maybe we're outgoing and talkative; they're reserved and shy. We prefer honesty and show no interest in sugarcoating things; they are more of the sympathetic and 'careful not to hurt anyone's feelings' type.
3) Some of our achievements make them feel small or inferior when it's not our intention to offend anyone. If a person is insecure while you're confident, it is not your fault if they avoid you due to feeling jealously threatened.
4) You probably did something in the past that offended them, but you're still unaware of what you did that they thought was insulting. You can discuss with them about this to solve the problem, or just let it go and be the bigger person by being forgiving.
5) Your values don't match theirs and you're simply too different to be able to connect well. For example if I'm in favor of polygyny, I may clash with many women who are intimidated by the fact that men in Islam are allowed to be married to up to four wives. If I'm the kind that is not afraid of debates and confrontation, I may unintentionally scare away those who prefer not to speak their mind.
The beloved
Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu alaihi wa sallam, the best of all human beings who
ever existed, also had a number of enemies who despised him for speaking the
truth and calling others to Allah's Way. Especially if you're involved in
Da'wah or doing charitable deeds, you would expect some people who oppose your
actions because they'd rather stay upon the path of misguidance, ignorance and
led astray. Even Allah's Angels have opponents from among the devils. Those who
are sincere, truthful and trustworthy can't totally click with those who like
to deal with fraud, insincerity and deceit. Those who strictly adhere to the
Prophet's Sunnah cannot be peaceful allies with the people of Bid'ah and
deviant sects who go against matters related to the Deen. A Muslim whose heart
holds Taqwa, faith/Imaan and Ikhlaas/sincerity can never achieve a long-lasting
connection with someone guilty of pretense, hypocrisy and negative traits like
discontentment, selfishness and jealousy.
It makes
sense that whatever we do, we will always have somebody who doesn't agree with
our decisions and choices. It's perfectly okay. So long as we strive to serve
Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and Allah loves us, we shouldn't waste time
wondering why this stranger and that colleague couldn't find us appealing. We
were created by Allah the Almighty mainly to worship Him, not to babysit nor
entertain His creation. Also focus on appreciating the few friends who
recognize your worth, who can't envy your accomplishments and who were destined
by Allah the Most Wise to be your trusted companions, even if your only true
friend from among humans is your other half, your soulmate, your husband.
📖 Ibn Umar
RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu
alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer who mixes with the people and endures
their harm with patience has a greater reward than one who does not mix with
people nor endures their harm with patience."Source:
Musnad Ahmed 22588
Grade: Sahih (Authentic)
Grade: Sahih (Authentic)
