Note: Some Reminders From An INTJ Muslimah (39)

 

Tips: Some Notes On How To Be More Accepting Of Polygyny For Allah's Sake

In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful.

~•~

إنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ، وَنَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا، مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللهُ فَلاَ مُضِلَّ لَهُ، وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلاَ هَادِىَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لاَ شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ

~•~

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته 

Alhamdulillah, the opportunity for me to speak about this topic on how to be more accepting of polygyny for Allah's sake (from a Muslimah's perspective) is given only by Allah the Almighty Who has destined that I get married at the age of 20 Alhamdulillah and become my husband's first wife at around the age of 26. My initial reaction when I received some messages from one of the sisters in Islam requesting me to be a guest speaker on one of their series of online seminars consisted of me politely declining the request or invitation, because I honestly believe that I am not yet qualified to be delivering formal lectures especially since I still have so much to learn, study, research, discover and review about different matters of our Deen Religion Islam. 

It is not appropriate for any layperson or individual without sufficient knowledge of polygyny to lecture about this topic which so many females around the world find "disagreeable" or "offensive" even though it is widely known, and confirmed by a lot of trusted scholars, that polygyny is halal/permissible for those Muslim males who can financially, physically, emotionally, mentally and responsibly take care of more than one legal wife. 

So I kindly informed the sister who approached me through Facebook messenger application that I'm not yet suitable or qualified to speak about this controversial topic. However, she mentioned that I could at least share some tips and advice for those willing Muslimahs on how to be more okay with polygyny for Allah's sake just as I have always been accepting of this permissibility for Muslim men to be married to up to four wives since I was at a younger age Alhamdulillah. 

First of all, I would like to remind myself and those who are listening right now to please purify your niyyah/intention before your willingness to listen and attempt to derive some benefits Inn-sha-Allah from this lecture, because any action which isn't carried out purely for the service and pleasure of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, that deed may be a waste of time and energy, or it could be one of the reasons for earning Allah's Wrath if that person's motive behind doing the seemingly righteous act or good deed has something to do with shirk/polytheism or desire to win certain debates to prove they are right and boost their ego. 

Allah the Almighty said in Surah Al-Bayyinah, verse 5:

وَمَا أُمِرُوا إِلاَّ لِيَعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ مُخْلِصِينَ لَهُ الدِّينَ حُنَفَاء وَيُقِيمُوا الصَّلاةَ وَيُؤْتُوا الزَّكَاةَ وَذَلِكَ دِينُ الْقَيِّمَةِ

(...and they were commanded not, but that they should worship Allah, and worship none but Him Alone (abstaining from ascribing partners to Him), and perform As-Salah (Iqamat-as-Salat) and give Zakat: and that is the right religion.) [ Surah Al-Bayyinah Ayah 98:5]

عَنْ كَعْبِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ طَلَبَ الْعِلْمَ لِيُجَارِيَ بِهِ الْعُلَمَاءَ أَوْ لِيُمَارِيَ بِهِ السُّفَهَاءَ أَوْ يَصْرِفَ بِهِ وُجُوهَ النَّاسِ إِلَيْهِ أَدْخَلَهُ اللَّهُ النَّارَ

2654 سنن الترمذي كتاب العلم باب ما جاء فيمن يطلب بعلمه الدنيا

6383 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن في صحيح الجامع 

Ka’b ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever seeks knowledge to impress the scholars, to argue with the foolish, or to attract the attention of the people, Allah will admit him into Hellfire.”

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 2654

Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: مَنْ تَعَلَّمَ عِلْمًا مِمَّا يُبْتَغَى بِهِ وَجْهُ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ لَا يَتَعَلَّمُهُ إِلَّا لِيُصِيبَ بِهِ عَرَضًا مِنْ الدُّنْيَا لَمْ يَجِدْ عَرْفَ الْجَنَّةِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ

3664 سنن أبي داود كتاب العلم باب في طلب العلم لغير الله تعالى

447 المحدث النووي خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده صحيح في رياض الصالحين

Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever seeks knowledge that should be sought for the sake of Allah the Almighty, but only to gain some worldly benefit, he will never know the fragrance of (Jannah) Paradise on the Day of Resurrection.”

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 3664

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Nawawi

May Allah the Most Merciful keep us sincere and always guided to the right 'Aqeedah belief and increase us in wisdom and guidance to do more of what He and His noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam love. Ameen.

Now moving on to the topic of polygyny. Alhamdulillah, if I am not mistaken, several months before I married my husband in Shawwaal of 2006, I remember posting an entry on one of my very old blogs regarding "the wisdom behind the plural marriages of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam" - an online article written by my dear mother (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) Dr Norlain, also known as Khadija, Dindang Mababaya. I was nineteen years old that time and had no idea that in the future 

Inn-sha-Allah I would have a co-wife at around 26 years old, being married to one of the nephews of my dear father (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen). I would also like to mention that my paternal grandfather (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) had three wives, with the mother of my father being my grandfather's second wife (Allah yarhamhum. Ameen.) if I'm not mistaken. So Alhamdulillah even during my teenage years I wasn't new to the concept of polygyny.

Alhamdulillah, ever since we moved to the Philippines, here in Davao city from Riyadh Saudi Arabia some time in the year 2006, I gradually got to know some sisters in Islam who are thriving and currently doing well Alhamdulillah in their polygynous marriages. One of them is a Muslim revert who is married to a Muslim revert and Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has blessed them with three sons at the moment. The other wife is half Iranun or half Maguindanaon if I'm not mistaken. And MashaAllah, very often I notice the two wives being accompanied by their husband during Eid (Eid Al-Adha and Eid Al-Fitr). He doesn't seem to be ashamed of being seen with his two wives and vice versa. Why should he feel any shame or guilt if those Muslimahs are legally married to him while he tries his best for Allah's sake to be the best family man as he can be?

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا

1162 سنن الترمذي كتاب الرضاع باب ما جاء في حق المرأة على زوجها

1162 المحدث الترمذي خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن صحيح في سنن الترمذي 

Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “The most complete of believers in faith (Imaan) are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.”

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1162

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi

Other sisters in Islam whom I have met face to face in the past and present while I believe they're okay with polygyny (without specifying their names) include: 

1. One of my female cousins who is several years older than me and accordingly she and her co-wife were very good friends even before they agreed to share the same husband. Alhamdulillah, Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has blessed them with a large number of sons and daughters. 

2. One of the most generous and supportive mothers here at Wisdom Islamic School. Although her husband at some point in her life seemed to be spending more hours with the other wife than with her, for a certain time period, MashaAllah, she never gave up staying patient for Allah's sake with the father of her many children. She and her husband as well as my cousin's co-wife and their husband are actually of Maranao tribe like myself. I mentioned "Maranao tribe" to let the listeners know that although polygyny is not easily welcome or very common among Maranaos, Alhamdulillah there are a good number of Maranao families out there who don't see any problem with polygynous marriages, particularly if polygyny is something which Allah the Most Wise has legislated and made lawful, halal and permissible for capable Muslim men. 

Allah the Almighty said in Surah An-Nisaa, verse 3:

﴿ وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَى فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلَّا تَعُولُوا ﴾.

"And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then marry only one or whom your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice."

3. Another sister in Islam who seems perfectly fine for Allah's sake with polygyny is one of my childhood friends who grew up with me for some years in eastern Saudi Arabia. MashaAllah. She is currently residing in Cotabato while she and her co-wife are both blessed with many daughters. I ask Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala to bless their marriages always, to keep them contented and grant them and their loved ones only what is best for them in both worlds. Ameen.

The reason why I have briefly mentioned those sisters in Islam, and they are just a select few from those Muslimahs who don't oppose polygyny (at least not outwardly or vocally), is to let the audience know that just because we frequently hear negative stories related to polygyny or witness that so many females worldwide dislike even hearing the term "polygamy" or "polygyny", or "duwaya" in some dialects if I am not mistaken, it doesn't mean that there are no women out there who are logical and intelligent enough to admit that indeed there are several benefits of being in a polygynous marriage.

The husband in a healthy polygynous marriage is not the only one benefiting from being married to more than one wife, but 

Inn-sha-Allah that Muslim man's wives can greatly benefit from polygyny. If polygyny was more harmful than beneficial, or more dangerous to the Muslim Ummah nation as a whole instead of rewarding and advantageous, then Allah the Most Kind and the Most Gentle would not have legislated it, and the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam would never have remarried after his marriage to his first wife Khadija (bint Khuwailid) RadhiAllahu 'anha.

Allah the Almighty knows best. Some of the probable reasons why a lot of females, regardless of their nationality, dislike polygyny include: 

1] Ignorance of the true meaning of polygyny OR inability to understand what polygyny is all about. 

Oftentimes, some of us when we overhear some strangers or foreigners speaking in a language that is very new to us, some of the words or phrases they utter could sound "odd" or "funny" to us, or even "annoying" or "unappealing". Many of those who have never read or properly researched about polygyny in Islam, through reliable sources based on the Noble Qur'an and authentic Hadith and Sunnah of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, may wrongly perceive polygyny as "unjust", "unpleasant", "oppressive", "disturbing" or "unfit for today's modern generation". It is generally the case that many of us human beings will not like or approve of something which we are not yet familiar with. 

Allah the Almighty said in Surah An-Nahl, verse 43:

﴿فَاسْأَلُوا أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُون﴾

 [النحل: 43]

"And We (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) sent not (as Our Messengers) before you (O Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) any but men, whom We (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) inspired, (to preach and invite mankind to believe in the Oneness of Allah). So ask of those who know the Scripture [learned men of the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)], if you know not."

2] Listening to sad stories and bad rumors related to polygyny OR witnessing a lot of conflict and problems that result in some polygynous marriages. 

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلَا يُؤْذِ جَارَهُ وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيُكْرِمْ ضَيْفَهُ وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

6136 صحيح البخاري كتاب الأدب باب من كان يؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر فلا يؤذ جاره

47 صحيح مسلم كتاب الإيمان باب الحث على إكرام الجار والضيف ولزوم الصمت إلا من الخير وكون ذلك كله من الإي

مان

Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day (the Day of Judgment), let him not harm his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhārī 6136, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 47

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon)

The more frequently some observe negative outcomes and failures from polygynous marriages, whether they have seen the impact and fallouts through some relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, or the media, the more some could lose interest in putting effort to really understanding the virtues of being okay with polygyny.

3] Low level of faith/Imaan OR not having a strong foundation in your 'Aqeedah/belief. 

Those who still need to develop and improve their knowledge of Tawheed may find themselves sometimes struggling to fully accept Allah's Qadr/Destiny wholeheartedly. A wife whose heart is so attached to her husband, a temporary soul, instead of prioritizing what Allah the All-Knowing has legislated and loves, including respecting and sincerely loving your husband for the sake of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and staying contented with Allah's Qadr/Decree, this woman and the likes of her may not be keen on sharing the husband with another legal wife. 

عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ الْخَطْمِيِّ عُمَيْرِ بْنِ حَبِيبِ رضي الله عنه أَنَّهُ قَالَ: الإِيمَانُ يَزِيدُ وَيَنْقُصُ. فَقِيلَ لَهُ: وَمَا زِيَادَتُهُ وَمَا نُقْصَانُهُ؟ قَالَ: إِذَا ذَكَرْنَا رَبَّنَا وَخَشَيْنَاهُ فَذَلِكَ زِيَادَتُهُ, وَإِذَا غَفَلْنَا وَنَسِينَا وَضَيَّعْنَا فَذَلِكَ نُقْصَانُهُ.

55 شعب الإيمان للبيهقي باب القول في زيادة الإيمان ونقصانه

Abu Ja’far RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: ‘Umayr ibn Habib, RadhiAllahu 'anhu, said, “Faith (Imaan) increases and decreases.” It was said, “How does it increase and decrease?” ‘Umayr said, “If we remember our Lord (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) and fear Him (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala), it will increase. If we are heedless and we forget and we waste our time, it will decrease.”

Source: Shu’ab al-Imān 55

So what can we Muslimahs do

 Inn-sha-Allah to be more open and receptive to polygyny? 

1 ) Educate yourself. With Ikhlaas/sincerity to serve Only Allah the Almighty and to be closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, be dedicated in consistently studying and learning more about Islam and the right 'Aqeedah belief. Before proceeding with your research on polygyny, make sure that you have collected sufficient amount of information and studied what you need to know about the basics of our religion, what the categories and principles of Tawheed (belief in Allah's Oneness) mean, what the five pillars of Islam are, what the six pillars of faith/Imaan entail and imply, what the nullifiers of Islam are and what we should do to avoid them, and what qualities we're required to maintain as Muslims in order to be deserving 

Inn-sha-Allah of a peaceful entry to Jannatul Ferdaus with Allah's Mercy.

عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:  طَلَبُ الْعِلْمِ فَرِيضَةٌ عَلَى كُلِّ مُسْلِمٍ.

224 سنن ابن ماجه كتاب المقدمة باب فضل العلماء والحث على طلب العلم

3914 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في صحيح الجامع 

Anas ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.”

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 224

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: مَنْ سَلَكَ طَرِيقًا يَلْتَمِسُ فِيهِ عِلْمًا سَهَّلَ اللَّهُ لَهُ بِهِ طَرِيقًا إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ.

2699 صحيح مسلم كتاب الذكر والدعاء والتوبة والاستغفار باب فضل الاجتماع على تلاوة القرآن وعلى الذكر.

Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) will make easy for him a path to Paradise.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2699

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

 Before attempting to understand polygyny, do your best to understand what it means to be a true Muslim who strives to submit to Allah's Will while striving to defeat shaytan and evil desires. 

You wouldn't enjoy a plate of spaghetti if you're a first timer who assumed that the pasta strings are inedible shoelaces or you were trained to visualize them as horsehair that has been marinated in some toxic substance. 

It is not easy to like or accept something if you fail to understand the purpose of its existence. 

According to some researches, even before the lifetime of the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, there were a number of males who married multiple women while others had a vast number of so-called mistresses. After the full establishment and completion of Islam, Alhamdulillah, the number of legal wives whom Muslim men are allowed to be married to was reduced to a maximum of four wives. 

For those who can understand some Arabic, Alhamdulillah, I encourage them to read the important message of sheikh AbdulAziz ibn Baz (Rahimahullah. Ameen.) regarding the ruling of polygynous marriages in Islam at the website al-fatawa.com 

https://al-fatawa.com/fatwa/82018/%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%81%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2

If a Muslim man knows that he won't be able to treat his multiple wives as fairly as he can, then he should stick to having and maintaining only one wife with Sabr patience and contentment. And for those single males who still don't have the financial means and ability to get married to even one wife, they are advised by the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam to restrain their desires by fasting some Sunnah fasts more regularly. 

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ بنت أبي بكر رضي الله عنها قَالَتْ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: النِّكَاحُ مِنْ سُنَّتِي فَمَنْ لَمْ يَعْمَلْ بِسُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي وَتَزَوَّجُوا فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ وَمَنْ كَانَ ذَا طَوْلٍ فَلْيَنْكِحْ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَجِدْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصِّيَامِ فَإِنَّ الصَّوْمَ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

1846 سنن ابن ماجه كتاب النكاح باب ما جاء في فضل النكاح

2383 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في السلسلة الصحيحة

Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me. Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will restrain his impulses.”

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1846

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ رضي الله عنهما قَالَ: قَالَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمْ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

1905 صحيح البخاري كتاب الصوم باب الصوم لمن خاف على نفسه العزبة

1400 صحيح مسلم كتاب النكاح باب استحباب النكاح لمن تاقت نفسه إليه ووجد مؤنه واشتغال من عجز عن المؤن بالصوم

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “O young men, if you are able to support a wife, get married. Verily, it lowers the gaze and guards chastity. Whoever is not able to do so, he must fast as it will restrain his passions.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhārī 1806, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1400

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Mulsim

If a Muslim is capable of staying away from what is halal permissible of food and drink while fasting from the time of Salat Al-Fajr until the time of Salat Al-Maghreb, this same Muslim should find it manageable and be more ready to avoid the wrongdoings that Allah the Most Wise has clearly forbidden, including zina (fornication/adultery) which is a major sin.

عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ رضي الله عنه: عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: مَنْ يَضْمَنْ لِي مَا بَيْنَ لَحْيَيْهِ وَمَا بَيْنَ رِجْلَيْهِ أَضْمَنْ لَهُ الْجَنَّةَ

6109 صحيح البخاري كتاب الرقاق باب حفظ اللسان 

Sahl ibn Sa’d RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever guarantees for me what is between his jaws and his legs, I can guarantee for him Paradise.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhārī 6109

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari

2 ) The second action which we can

 Inn-sha-Allah do or take to be more accepting of polygyny for Allah's sake is to read more, through authentic and reliable sources, about the noble life of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and study how he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam treated his wives and how his wives RadhiAllahu 'anhun behaved in polygyny.  

عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّمَا الْعِلْمُ بِالتَّعَلُّمِ وَالْفِقْهُ بِالتَّفَقُّهِ وَمَنْ يُرِدِ اللَّهُ بِهِ خَيْرًا يُفَقِّهْهُ فِي الدِّينِ وَإِنَّمَا يَخْشَى اللَّهَ مِنْ عِبَادِهِ الْعُلَمَاءُ.

19/395 المعجم الكبير للطبراني

67 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن لغيره في صحيح الترغيب

Mu’awiyah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “O people, knowledge only comes by learning, and understanding only comes by seeking understanding. For whoever Allah wills goodness, He grants him understanding of the religion. "Verily, only those with knowledge fear Allah among His servants."” (35:28)

Source: al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr lil-Ṭabarānī 929

Grade: Hasan li ghayrihi (fair due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani

Yes, while there may be some narrations which indicated how 'Aisha bint Abi Bakr RadhiAllahu 'anha often felt jealous whenever the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam mentioned his first wife Khadija bint Khuwailid RadhiAllahu 'anha, because of her being a human with emotions after all, that does not provide legitimate excuse for us Muslim women to permanently dislike polygyny or act inappropriately whenever we're triggered by brief feelings of inferiority complex or envy. 

:عن عروة رضي الله عنه عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا قَالَتْ مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى امْرَأَةٍ مَا غِرْتُ عَلَى خَدِيجَةَ وَلَقَدْ هَلَكَتْ قَبْلَ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَنِي بِثَلَاثِ سِنِينَ لِمَا كُنْتُ أَسْمَعُهُ يَذْكُرُهَا وَلَقَدْ أَمَرَهُ رَبُّهُ أَنْ يُبَشِّرَهَا بِبَيْتٍ فِي الْجَنَّةِ مِنْ قَصَبٍ وَإِنْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لَيَذْبَحُ الشَّاةَ ثُمَّ يُهْدِي فِي خُلَّتِهَا مِنْهَا

5658 صحيح البخاري كتاب الأدب باب حسن العهد من الإيمان

2435 صحيح مسلم كتاب فضائل الصحابة باب فضائل خديجة أم المؤمنين رضي الله تعالى عنها 

‘Urwah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Aisha, RadhiAllahu 'anha, said, “I never felt so jealous about any woman as I did for Khadijah (RadhiAllahu 'anha). She had died three years before I married the Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam. I heard him SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam mentioning her (RadhiAllahu 'anha) so often, and his Lord (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) ordered him SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam to give her glad tidings of her palace in (Jannah) Paradise made of reeds. The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam would slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5658, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2435

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Another solution Inn-sha-Allah for us Muslimahs to becoming more accepting of polygyny is to give more attention to those positive stories of successful or thriving polygynous marriages (with Allah's Will) instead of focusing on some predicaments or complaints of females who still haven't understood what polygyny is actually about. 

3 ) After doing your best for Allah's sake to seek authentic Islamic knowledge and make sincere effort to understand the virtues of polygyny, while surrounding yourself with Muslims who strive to be pious and they have nothing against what Allah the Most Wise has made halal/permissible, your next task is to continue resiliently in studying more about our Deen/religion, to apply Istiqaamah / steadfastness for Allah's sake with lots of rewarding Sabr patience.

عَنْ سُفْيَانَ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ الثَّقَفِيِّ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قُلْ لِي فِي الإِسْلاَمِ قَوْلاً لاَ أَسْأَلُ عَنْهُ أَحَدًا بَعْدَكَ. قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: قُلْ آمَنْتُ بِاللَّهِ، فَاسْتَقِمْ.

38 صحيح مسلم كتاب الإيمان باب جامع أوصاف الإسلام

Sufyan ibn Abdullah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah (Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam), tell me of a word in Islam which I will not need to ask of anyone after you.” The Messenger of Allah, Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Say, ‘I have faith (Imaan) in Allah,’ and then remain steadfast.”

Source: Sahih Muslim 38

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

When you have firm trust and Tawwakul / reliance upon Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and you strive to maintain Istiqaamah / steadfastness also through consistent Du'a/supplications (daily asking Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala to keep you steadfast), then Inn-sha-Allah your positive perception of polygyny will not be affected or influenced negatively by the narratives of anybody who opposes what our King and Creator Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has made halal/permissible.

Allah the Almighty said in Surah Fussilat, verse 30:

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ قَالُوا رَبُّنَا اللَّهُ ثُمَّ اسْتَقَامُوا تَتَنَزَّلُ عَلَيْهِمُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ أَلَّا تَخَافُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَبْشِرُوا بِالْجَنَّةِ الَّتِي كُنتُمْ تُوعَدُونَ

"Verily, those who say: “Our Lord is Allah (Alone),” and then they remained steadfast, on them the angels will descend (at the time of their death) (saying): “Fear not, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Paradise which you have been promised!)" [41:30]

Part of understanding polygyny in Islam is to have awareness of the probable benefits of polygyny for the Muslim wife. Through the husband being married to more than one legal wife, many of the Muslim wives in polygynous marriages can 

Inn-sha-Allah enjoy the following:

1• More guarantee or assurance 

Inn-sha-Allah that the husband is protected or safeguarded from occasional temptations or urges to commit zina/adultery, especially if the husband is employed at a different city or country and he has a legal wife there to keep him company.

If a woman's husband is unable to be intimate with her due to an illness or ailment she may have, or because she has her monthly period for some days (particularly if her flow is irregular), then instead of him having his sexual needs satisfied through zina / forbidden means then he can achieve some satisfaction through the other wife. That is much better for him and more decent than for him to waste some money on random prostitutes or flirts online.

2• Relief and contentment 

Inn-sha-Allah when you are certain that your husband is happy or satisfied in your polygynous marriage. If you truly love your husband for Allah's sake, you would want to see him happy always, even if his happiness involves spending quality time with his other legal wife for some days. 

Although some listeners may be rolling their eyes with disagreement concerning this point, it is true that a smart Muslimah who understands that Allah the Almighty designed males to be created very differently from females and that males in general are capable of feeling attracted to more than just one female, this smart Muslim wife would respect her husband's right to remarry, while she's aware that her husband loving another woman whom he married legally for Allah's sake does not imply that he loves her any less.

Imagine being a "coffeeholic" or someone who enjoys drinking coffee. If you enjoy both hot coffee in a mug and iced coffee, consuming one of the two for some days or nights consecutively does not mean that you dislike the other. You like them both, even if it is evident that one of them is more enjoyable to you by some degrees, you still like them - they're both coffee. 

Similarly, you and your co-wife are both loved by your husband - because if he never loved you, he would have insisted on divorce without a single explanation for his abrupt decision.

3• More chances to rest and relax 

Inn-sha-Allah when your husband is with his other legal wife. 

Some of those days or weeks when your husband is with his other wife can be beautiful opportunities for more time spent on strengthening your connection with Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala by researching and learning more about Islam, reading and memorizing more Ayaat / verses from the Noble Qur'an, and also spending more time with your other loved ones such as your child or children, your parents and other relatives, instead of being constantly busy with chores that not all females on earth enjoy doing 24/7. 

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رضي الله عنهما قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: اغْتَنِمْ خَمْسًا قَبْلَ خَمْس، شَبَابَكَ قَبْلَ هَرَمِكَ وَصِحَّتَكَ قَبْلَ سَقَمِكَ وَغِنَاكَ قَبْلَ فَقْرِكَ وَفَرَاغَكَ قَبْلَ شُغُلِكَ وَحَيَاتَكَ قَبْلَ مَوْتِكَ

10250 شعب الإيمان للبيهقي الزهد وقصر الأمل

1077 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في صحيح الجامع

Ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.”

Source: Shu’ab al-Imān lil-Bayhaqī 10250

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

4• Additional opportunity to learn to become a better and wiser wife 

Inn-sha-Allah by avoiding the mistakes which the other wife may have done or occasionally makes. For instance, if it is your turn to spend one week or three days with your husband, and you caught your husband scolding your co-wife over the phone about how she shouldn't feel obliged to always check on his whereabouts because he dislikes being monitored, then you would avoid trying to contact him when you believe that he's with his other legal wife, unless of course there is an extreme emergency for you to do so. 

5• Possibility of enjoying a special kind of sisterhood and friendship for Allah's sake with a co-wife who is very relatable or similar to you in positive ways. 

Becoming close friends with a co-wife is also useful for those Muslimahs who grew up without biological sisters. If some of them can't get along with a half-sister or female cousin, or if they don't have compatible friends in their neighborhood or workplace, they can 

Inn-sha-Allah build and maintain a meaningful connection and friendship with their co-wife. 

6• The other wife can Inn-sha-Allah do some of the things which she may not always be able to do - for example: if they are good friends, the co-wife can attend some of the parent-teacher meetings of her child or children when both their parents are too busy or not in the mood to attend such meetings. Or if the co-wife can drive and she has her own car which she bought with her own earnings, and they are close friends, the co-wife can give her a free ride instead of her having to commute whenever their husband is unavailable. 

7• If Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala decrees that you pass away before your co-wife, as long as she has Taqwa (fear of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) and Ikhlaas (sincerity), then having her as a stepmother to your child or children in the future is much safer Inn-sha-Allah than welcoming a complete stranger to the household since your co-wife has more experience with them and their father.

One of the misconceptions of polygyny is wrongly assuming that if a husband decides to have a second wife, then his eagerness or willingness to remarry could signify that there is something deficient about his first wife. 

In a recorded Fatawa, according to sheikh AbdulAziz in Baz (Rahimahullah. Ameen.) a Muslim man is allowed to remarry and be married to up to four wives even if there is no shortcoming or defects found in his first wife, as long as he is financially capable, since there are many benefits in polygyny in Islam, one of which is to increase the number of children in the Muslim Ummah.

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/7079/%D9%87%D9%84-%D9%8A%D8%AA%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AB%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%8A%D8%A9-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%8A%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B5-%D9%81%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84%D9%89

'Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha was young, beautiful and intelligent, yet the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam married other women after her. His marriages to the other women (RadhiAllahu 'anhun) did not mean that 'Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha was not good enough for him SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam. No, that is not the case. The noble Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam married certain types of women during his lifetime to teach the Muslim believing men the different kinds of women whom they are allowed to marry, among them include: 

1. Muslim women who are older than them 

2. Muslim ladies who are much younger than them (with the lady's consent as well as the agreement of her father and mother or guardian) 

3. Muslimahs who are wealthier or more financially successful or stable than them 

4. Muslimahs with seemingly lower socioeconomic status than them or who are not as affluent as they are (it is okay

 Inn-sha-Allah for a Muslim adult capable male to marry a housemaid or employee as long as in doing so there is no contradiction to Islamic values - you may visit the website al-fatawa.com to learn from the message of sheikh Muhammad bin Salih Al-'Uthaimeen (Rahimahullah. Ameen.) regarding this issue:

https://al-fatawa.com/fatwa/19930/%D9%87%D9%84-%D9%8A%D8%AC%D9%88%D8%B2-%D9%84%D9%84%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%84-%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%8A%D8%AA%D8%B9%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A9-%D9%81%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A8%D9%8A%D8%AA-%D9%88%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B0%D8%A7-%D9%8A%D8%AD%D9%84-%D9%84%D9%87-%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%86-%D8%B9%D8%AB%D9%8A%D9%85%D9%8A%D9%86

5. Their female cousins, paternal female cousins or maternal female cousins. 

6. Muslimahs who were previously married, either divorcees or widows. 

7. Muslimahs with children from their former marriages.

The noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam also married other women after 'Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha to establish peaceful ties or friendly relations between their tribe and the clans of those women. 

So in some cases, if a Muslim husband who has been married for more than eleven years wishes to remarry, his interest in marrying again does not mean that his first wife is guilty of intentional neglect or some shortcomings, no. Maybe he wants to marry a woman from a different tribe or country so there is more variety in his household or he simply wants to increase the number of his children/progeny while his first wife remains contented with a set of twins or one child only. 

Even in the first years of their marriage, not all wives are entirely ready for childbirth especially if some of them become wives in their late teens or while still going to school. Imagine a Muslim engineer who is thirty years old and his marriage proposal was accepted by the parents of a young Muslimah who is still in college, and she is not yet prepared physically and emotionally to bear children. Instead of him unwillingly divorcing her while she loves him back yet she doesn't like the idea of being a pregnant student, he can remarry and have a second wife, then third wife, and then fourth wife even if he did not ask for his first wife's permission to remarry, since it is not mandatory for Muslim men to beg for the first wife's permission to remarry. 

If you are at a food court, and there are four halal food stalls right next to each other, you do not require the consent of any of the vendors or salespeople to give you heads up to buy from the other food stalls while you know that their products are Inn-sha-Allah halal and you can afford them.

There is another misconception related to polygyny and that is the doubt which some people have about why the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam advised or commanded his younger cousin and son-in-law 'Ali bin Abi Talib RadhiAllahu 'anhu to not take another wife besides his daughter Fatima RadhiAllahu 'anha. Before some families, females or "feminists" use this narration as so-called evidence to portray how parents have every right to prevent their daughter's husband from remarrying, they must understand that the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam did not intend to prohibit something which Allah the Most Wise made halal/permissible. He SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam simply did not want the daughter of Abu Jahl to be the other wife of 'Ali bin Abi Talib RadhiAllahu 'anhu nor did he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam approve of his daughter being in the same household as the daughter of Abu Jahl. The daughter of an arrogant disbeliever with a bad reputation cannot be co-wives with the daughter of a well-respected Prophet of noble lineage (SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam). You may search on YouTube for the response of sheikh AbdulAziz ibn Baz (Rahimahullah. Ameen.) regarding this issue.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cMPqXEdngL8

The only time when a Muslimah can set certain conditions for her fiance or husband-to-be so he does not roam around searching for multiple potential wives in the future is before the signing of the marriage contract. A single Muslimah has a right to set a condition for her husband-to-be that she will for Allah's sake agree to marry him and stay married as his wife on condition that he does not go out deliberately seeking a second marriage whilst he is married to her, even if this is his right and polygyny is halal/permissible.

There are different opinions though regarding this permissibility of setting such condition prior to the signing of the marriage contract. Some believe that it is not right to forbid something which has been legislated and made halal/permissible by our Creator Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. Others may believe that since polygyny is halal/permissible, one has absolute freedom to choose whether to stay in a polygynous marriage or exit if remaining in polygyny becomes an intolerable fitna for them or if it could cause their level of faith Imaan to decrease. You may visit the website binbaz.org.sa for the advice of sheikh AbdulAziz Ibn Baz (Rahimahullah. Ameen) about the permissibility for women to set a condition in the marriage contract for her future husband to not remarry while they are alive.

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/2114/%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A9-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%84-%D8%B9%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%AF

And 

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/19065/%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B7%D9%87%D9%85

The following are two poems which I shall share to Inn-sha-Allah motivate other Muslimahs to be more accepting of polygyny:

Poem number 1:-

Understand that when Allah legislated rulings, 

Forbade some acts and allowed us to do certain things, 

He intends to examine our faith as His servants, 

To test our patience and if we truly live for Him, 

If we're sincere enough to not question His Wisdom. 

~•~ 

From what Allah made lawful, not an obligation, 

Is Muslim men being wed to up to four women. 

It's halal if the males don't abuse this permission, 

Discouraged if it leads them to sins and oppression, 

And a blessing if it helps improve them as Muslims. 

~•~ 

But why only four? Why not seven or eleven? 

Just as Allah created and designed the heavens, 

Flowers, trees, plantations, mountains, animals, oceans, 

Nature and humans in a way He knows is fitting, 

As Allah's servants we have no right to question Him. 

~•~ 

Polygyny is there so those who can't bear children 

Can enjoy a blessed marriage life without divorcing. 

A co-wife can be a source of peace when she befriends 

You and cares about you for Allah, while her intent 

Of sharing the same spouse is to earn Jannah's entrance. 

~•~

Don't regard the other wife/wives as competition. 

See them as inspiration to love more your husband, 

And trainers who urge you to be a pro at patience.

Find chances to please Allah so you're loved more by Him 

In polygyny which frightens insecure women. 

~•~ 

Poem number 2:-

Dear Muslimah, do you know what it means to submit,
To surrender ourselves to Allah Who created
Us to worship Him and made most men polygynous?
Without pride, strive to commit what Allah commanded
And avoid questioning what Allah legislated.
~•~
Submitting to Allah's Will is to humbly admit
That we Muslims should follow what Allah instructed.
Muslim females must stay modest while males show justice
And wisdom if they're in a polygynous marriage.
Even if wed to one, men must not be oppressive.
~•~
While polygyny is not a must, it's permitted
For capable Muslim men who either want more kids,
Or who wish to add variety in their marriage.
And this permission, not instruction, encourages
Men to be wise leaders who don't condone injustice.
~•~
Men with more than one wife are trained to be strategic,
Use logic and empathy so wives don't get jealous,
And improve time management not just in the office
But time spent on their families and acts of worship.
Polygyny has benefits. So don't despise it.
~•~
To females who claim "polygyny is not needed":
Who are you to question what Allah legislated?
Why do you act as if you have complete ownership
And control of your husband as though he's an object?
That's not pure love if it keeps you greedy and selfish.
~•~
Just imagine if all the males on earth were married
To one wife each while there would still be more than hundreds
Of females left unmarried, with widows, divorcees
And orphans abandoned - would you want them fatherless?
Societies with neglected kids increase one's stress.
~•~
Polygyny is not for all. It's the courageous
And knowledgeable warriors who are okay with it.
Those ignorant and obsessed with feeling envious
Can't acknowledge its ample gifts and advantages.
Strange how most dread it yet greet zina, lies and gossip.

°

While polygyny is halal/permissible, it is not readily accepted by most females worldwide especially when there are many negative experiences associated with it. If more Muslim men, real Muslim men whom Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala endows with Taqwa, strong faith Imaan, wisdom, and both mental and emotional intelligence, as well as the financial means, if more Muslim husbands keep trying their best for Allah's sake to ensure that they treat all their wives as fairly and as lovingly as they can, then the complaints against men being allowed in Islam to be married to up to four legal wives would not be so rampant or widespread. 

Not all men are also interested in polygyny, just as not all women dislike the concept of polygyny being lawful and feasible. My dear mother (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) some time after she was diagnosed with a serious illness tried to encourage my dear father (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) to marry again so my brothers and I could have a stepmother while she's not around in this dunya anymore, but our father insisted on keeping our mother as his only wife until he was also returned to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala within a year after our dear mother's passing. 

As Muslims Alhamdulillah we should be okay with what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala made halal/permissible even if some of the virtues of what He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala legislated are not visible to us yet. My advice for those Muslimahs who are single and they still don't feel convinced about welcoming polygyny, despite it being halal/permissible, is: You have a right to set a condition in your marriage contract that Inn-sha-Allah you agree to accept this man's marriage proposal and you promise to stay married to him until he shows interest in marrying another woman. Otherwise, you don't need to put such condition in the marriage contract to prevent him from his right to remarry. You just have to trust Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Who controls everything that occur in this universe including your Qadr/Destiny and your journey in marriage life. 

عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِذَا أَحَبَّ اللَّهُ قَوْمًا ابْتَلَاهُمْ

3/302 المعجم الأوسط للطبراني

285 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في صحيح الجامع

Anas ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “When Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) loves a people, He afflicts them with trials.”

Source: al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ lil-Ṭabarānī 3228

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

 And if Allah the Most Wise destines that you become your husband's first wife, second, third or fourth wife, then patiently accept Allah's Plans and remind yourself that the more Allah the Most Merciful loves you, the more He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala grants you trials to expiate past sins, to purify your soul and to elevate your status

 Inn-sha-Allah in Jannah Paradise.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لِتَكُونُ لَهُ عِنْدَ اللهِ الْمَنْزِلَةُ فَمَا يَبْلُغُهَا بِعَمَلٍ فَلَا يَزَالُ اللهُ يَبْتَلِيهِ بِمَا يَكْرَهُ حَتَّى يُبَلِّغَهُ إِيَّاهَا

575 صحيح ابن حبان ذكر البيان بأن العبد قد يكون له عند الله المنازل

2908 المحدث شعيب الأرناؤوط خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده حسن في تخريج صحيح ابن حبان

Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Verily, a man may have a rank with Allah that he does not achieve by his good deeds. Thus, Allah continues to put him to trial with what he hates until he reaches the rank destined for him.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 575

Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Arna’ut

Another advice I would like to share with those Muslimahs who are about to get married or who are trying to evaluate whether or not they should accept the marriage proposal of a Muslim man, regardless of his nationality and current marital status, is to first pray two Sunnah Rak'ahs of Salat Al-Istikhaara and seek Allah's Help and Guidance before making decisions that matter to you. After you have prayed the Salat Al-Istikhaara and supplicated to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala to grant you only what is best for you in this world and the next life, you won't feel any regret and doubt 

Inn-sha-Allah about the option that you chose, because you may feel contented that at least you asked for Tawfeeq / success from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Who knows all your needs, and you put effort in following a Sunnah of His noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam instead of just rushing to do what feels right. 

The Du'a for Salat Al-Istikhaara:

 اللَّهُم إِني أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بعِلْمِكَ، وأستَقْدِرُكَ بقُدْرَتِك، وأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ العَظِيم، فإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلا أَقْدِرُ، وتَعْلَمُ وَلا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ علَّامُ الغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كنْتَ تعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأمرَ خَيْرٌ لِي في دِيني وَمَعَاشي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي -أَوْ قالَ: عَاجِلِ أَمْرِي وَآجِله- فاقْدُرْهُ لي، وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي، ثمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِن كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هذَا الأَمْرَ شرٌّ لِي في دِيني وَمَعاشي وَعَاقبةِ أَمَرِي -أَو قَالَ: عَاجِل أَمري وآجِلهِ- فاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي، وَاصْرِفْني عَنهُ، وَاقدُرْ لِيَ الخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كانَ، ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ 

 Jabir Ibn Abdullah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “When one of you has a matter of concern (must make a decision), let him perform two cycles of prayer besides the obligatory prayers. Then, let him say, ‘O Allah, I seek guidance from Your knowledge and Power from Your Might, and I ask You from Your tremendous favor. Verily, You have Power and I do not have power, and You know and I do not know. You are the Knowing of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for my religion and my livelihood and my destiny, or if it is better for my present and latter needs, then decree it for me and make it easy for me and bless me in it. But if You know that this matter is evil for my religion and my livelihood and my destiny, or if it is worse for my present and latter needs, then divert it from me and keep me away from it, and destine what is good for me and then make me contented with it.‘ Then mention his need.”

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhārī 1166

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari

For some information on how to pray the Salat Al-Istikhaara, you may visit the website troid.org and read the article about it by brother in Islam Musa Richardson:

https://www.troid.org/salat-al-istikharah-explained/

سبحانك اللهم وبحمدك، أشهد أن لا إله إلا أنت، أستغفرك اللهم، وأتوب إليك

الله أعلم 

🌻

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1R55DnmK7UY865VG4Dh7HKwTSKQWiPUPP/view?usp=drivesdk

Note: Some Lessons Learned From This Eid Al-Adha 2024

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📑 Alhamdulillah although I couldn't see my dear husband face to face yesterday after the Eid Al-Adha prayer and Khutbah since he prayed at a different area before traveling to Marawi with some of our relatives while we had other tasks to do this week, I was able to attend the Muslim community gathering at Wisdom Islamic School then went out afterwards to meet up with other sisters in Islam at the residence of sister Jannah (the creative, hardworking and resilient executive manager of Jannah's Kitchen) where we stayed from some minutes after Salat Al-'Asr until some minutes after Salat Al-'Ishaa and Sunnah Witr. Sharing some lessons learned Alhamdulillah: 1• When you become a wife, with Allah's Will, there will be several instances when your human husband (not AI) needs to spend time with someone else or be somewhere else during special occasions. Trust Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala always and don't expect your soulmate to be right beside you every second of every day. Know how to utilize those moments when your other half isn't around and can't teleport. During your husband's absence and busyness, you could focus on seeking more authentic Islamic knowledge, read beneficial articles and visit other loved ones for Allah's sake rather than doubting your husband's care for you. Being overly clingy and consistently insisting on receiving your husband's full attention, as if he was meant to be glued to you 24/7, can be more annoying or frightening than cute to most men. 2• It takes a lot of effort, courage to ask questions and invite, and loads of patience to start and maintain a worthwhile friendship and sisterhood for Allah's sake. If there are a number of individuals out there wondering why they don't have even one close friend, they can ask themselves how many times did they confidently attempt to reach out to those whom they're interested in befriending regardless of whether or not the recipient responded and if they humbly forgave a potential friend instead of instantly unfriending them online and without clear explanation abruptly discontinuing the communication? So that a friendship, with both your husband and other sisters in Islam, can Inn-sha-Allah last much longer, it is extremely essential that you remain steadfastly patient with their occasional delayed responses to your messages and sudden change of moods or unwillingness to talk for some days because they're emotionally struggling and stressed out due to so many unfinished assignments or worries etc. Don't describe your current state as "poreber lonely" if you've never taken the initiative to genuinely inquire someone with "As-salaamu 'alaikum, how have you been? Are you busy right now? Let's go out somewhere together. Not today? What about tomorrow? When are you available?" etc. and if you think you've already put sufficient effort in contacting so-and-so and so-and-so but all of those whom you've tried connecting with are less responsive than talking parrots, then understand that there are likely some aspects about you which cause them to feel uncomfortably envious or insecure, either that or it's one of Allah's temporary tests for you to oftentimes seem as though you don't fit in with any specific group or clique - you're that unique and eccentric, like a piece of puzzle that has been placed in the wrong box of jigsaw puzzles (possibly because you're a larger piece than the other pieces or you're made of metal or wood or contain glitter while the rest are just boring cardboard) and Inn-sha-Allah your compatible friends whose weirdness harmoniously matches your level of weirdness can be found in the afterlife. 3• The more you actually get to know some people, rather than solely relying on your own assumptions about them (some of which could be untrue), the more you tend to gravitate towards them for Allah's sake and gradually discover you're somewhat similar to each other in certain ways. JazakAllahu Khair dear sister Jannah Umm Muhammad for the delicious dinner (especially the yummy spaghetti with minced beef) and for patiently waiting for me and sister Ramona to arrive. Alhamdulillah it was really nice talking to you again with sisters Khadija, Lhaila and Zainab. May Allah the Most Merciful always bless all your halal businesses and continuously increase the barakah in your lives. Ameen.

During the days of Tashreeq (the 11th, 12th and 13th days of Dhul-Hijjah) it is recommended to say as many times as we can the Takbeeraat:

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Laa ilaaha ilAllah.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Wa LillaahilHamd.

https://pearlsofamuslim.wordpress.com/2022/07/09/days-of-at-tashreeq-3/

Note: Some Reminders From An INTJ Muslimah (38)

 

Note: Just Sharing My Niqab Story (From One Of My Old Posts Via Facebook)

 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم 

Note: Some Reminders From An INTJ Muslimah (37)

 

Notes: Some Reminders During These First Ten Days Of Dhul-Hijjah

 الله أكبر. الله أكبر. الله أكبر. 

لا إله إلا الله. 

الله أكبر. الله أكبر. 

و لله الحمد.

🌼

لا حول و لا قوة إلا بالله.

💐

أستغفر الله العظيم و أتوب إليه 

🌻

https://abukhadeejah.com/first-10-days-of-dhul-hijjah-the-days-of-eid-the-sacrifice-best-days-of-the-world/