Note: On Being The Husband's Loyal Wife

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 A number of sisters in Islam have sent me messages on inbox complaining about their current marriage life, and each one is wondering if she should divorce her husband for seemingly not respecting her rights. I want to emphasize that while divorce is halal/lawful in Islam, it is something that satisfies shaytan because he feels accomplished for having destroyed the bond which Allah the Almighty destined and witnessed.
Divorcing your spouse and instantly giving up on them for worldly purposes indicate impatience, ingratitude and arrogantly refusing to understand their side or forgive your other half.
🔹I believe it is unreasonable for a woman to seek divorce if she wants her husband to grant her 'freedom' for:
1) ...marrying another woman, when it is the right of every capable Muslim man to be married to up to four wives in Islam. It is illogical to prohibit something that Allah the Most Wise permitted simply due to over-sensitivity, extreme attachment to your husband or selfish unwillingness to share him with another woman who could be a helpful family member to your household (not homewrecker).
2) ...losing his job or temporarily struggling with some financial problems.
3) ...being sent to jail or confined in a hospital.
4) ...being employed in a different city or country.
5) ...showing more affection to his mother than you.
🔹Divorce is reasonable if your husband:
1) ...is an alcoholic, drug addict or dangerous criminal who refuses to transform himself positively.
2) ...is deliberately abusive and intentionally neglecting you, treating you as though you don't exist, uninterested in communicating with you properly yet at the same time refusing to grant divorce.
3) ...is from a misguided sect that goes against the Sunnah of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam or he knowingly commits bid'ah while insisting you to follow his misguided ways. If he insists on having incorrect belief or his 'Aqeedah is wrong, and he obstinately rejects your sincere advice for him to learn more about Islam, then you may ask for divorce if you think that doing so is the more logical thing to do.
4) ...does not allow you to visit your parents and family because he is too insecurely clingy, extremely jealous of even seeing you interact with your mahrams, and irrationally suspicious of your motives. Living with a husband who doesn't provide necessary space can cause your faith/Imaan to decrease. So in this case, it makes sense to leave him for Allah's sake to preserve your overall well-being.
5) ...expects you to be the breadwinner who takes care of the family's needs while he stays at home playing games, just chilling or being unappealingly unproductive.
Before considering asking for divorce, pray two Sunnah prayers of Salat Al-Istikhaarah then measure the pros and cons of being separated. If you can imagine yourself in the future sadly regretting divorcing him, then it is wiser to remain married to him for Allah's sake, strive to maintain rewarding patience and do whatever you can to strengthen the relationship, assertively talking to your husband about how to make things work between you two, and looking forward to helping one another reach Jannah Paradise together.
Also question yourself truthfully "Why did I marry him?". If you married your husband mainly for his money as if he is a walking ATM or bank account that is overloaded with cash every second, then expect to get disappointed when he experiences some financial struggles. Doing something solely for the benefit of enjoying temporal dunya eventually gets lost, damaged, cancelled, forgotten or dismissed.
Doing a good deed, like staying married with contentment and patience, sincerely to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, regardless of how difficult or challenging it is, can become easy, worthwhile and manageable eventually.
Whether you choose to stay with the man whom Allah the Most Merciful decreed to be your husband, or you leave him to save your faith/Imaan for Allah, what matters is that your decision should bring you closer to Allah Subhaanhahu wa Ta'aala and your choice does not bring about any ounce of regret.
🔹Some of the disadvantages of divorcing your husband if somewhere inside your heart is apparent love for him:
1] Regretting your abrupt selection to seek divorce, especially if you see him around often online or offline, or you can't avoid meeting his relatives and seeing them always reminds you of him.
2] By divorcing your husband due to materialistic issues, you may find it very hard to remarry, since a lot of single men aren't comfortable at all with the idea of marrying a divorcee or previously married woman. Generally it is easy for a man, whether single or previously married to marry again, and more complicated for a divorced woman to receive marriage proposals.
3] It is better to be patient with your husband while your children still have a caring father than to be divorced and your ex-husband completely avoids your kids as he has own children from another woman he remarried.
4] If you have children and you get divorced, your kids are supposed to be with their father should you accept the marriage proposal of another guy. The father has more right to be with his children if their mother marries another man. Try to research on this if you are skeptical of its authenticity.
5] Would you rather please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala by striving to be with the man whom He wisely selected as your soulmate? Or would you rather allow shaytan to joyfully celebrate your separation because he finally succeeded at whispering evil thoughts in you and your husband ultimately leading to disrupting what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala planned (i.e. connecting you to your husband through marriage in the first place)?
Please note that I do not advocate marital abuse and spousal neglect in any way. I want to remind all wives that if you truly love your husband from the very start, you wouldn't easily give up on him, just as you wouldn't disown your own child for being disobedient or for carrying out some wrong actions. Steadfastly advise, help and guide your husband to fear Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and patiently assist him to be upright. Blessed are those men who are married to pious Muslims wives.
You will Inn-sha-Allah be rewarded for striving to be your man's loyal and faithful wife, particularly in an era where many people don't value the concept of fierce loyalty, taking marriage lightly as a joke or cheap toy that can easily be thrown away anytime.
~*~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātīḥ 5/2125
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the  phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."
Source: Sahih Muslim 2664
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim