๐ In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
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๐ According to my late mother (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) through a friend of hers back in Saudi Arabia, this guy (the woman's nephew) instantly felt "in love" with me when he saw me as a bridesmaid at my older cousin's wedding. He, who was accordingly employed in Madinah that time, was actually serious about getting married that he even requested for a formal meeting with my family at one of our apartments in Riyadh city. I remember my mother asking me to smile upon seeing him or seem a bit friendlier, to behave more femininely instead of boyish, as if she could sense that I'd meet him (in the presence of my family, not one-on-one) with an unimpressed scowl or glare at him angrily so he'd get turned off. I was around fourteen years old then, still struggling with bulimia which somewhat affected my ability to make logical decisions. So as soon as the guy left, I blatantly told my mother that I wasn't willing to marry him mainly because of his clean-shaven baby face, plus he was as tall as I was or probably several inches shorter. My late father (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) even laughingly agreed with me on how the suitor looked baby-faced and he let my mother know that there was no need to compel me to marry if I didn't want to.
When I was around seventeen or eighteen years old, one of my male "childhood friends" whose parents were close friends with mine since our stay in Al-Khobar and/or Dammam, visited us with his father to express his interest in marrying me. Without even analyzing the pros and cons of accepting his marriage proposal, I quickly rejected it because, being aware that he was two or so years younger than me, I preferred marrying a man who's a lot older with more life experience.
Some time before we moved to the Philippines from Riyadh city, I received another marriage proposal from the son of one of the Pakistani friends of my mother. Again I declined the proposal, even unplugged the cords of all the telephones around the house (back when cellphones weren't common yet) so his admirably ambitious, lovingly supportive and eager mother would give up telephoning us regarding her son's marriage proposal. My reason for not accepting his proposal was my ignorant misjudgment that he may be a boring spouse due to him being obviously a shy type of guy. At one of the gatherings we attended with other South Asian friends and families, I recall having a quick glimpse of him looking at me from a distance while he was with other guys his age. While I thought his general appearance was okay, I was the type of girl who'd go for a guy who's more domineering, charismatic, and sociable, one who wouldn't hesitate to take the lead, a bit like a stereotypical "alpha male". I pray that Allah the Most Merciful forgives all my mistakes and bestows on all those guys and their loved ones happiness, contentment and peace in both worlds. Ameen.
As you can tell, a lot of female teenagers may reject a marriage proposal for silly reasons - maybe the guy isn't good-looking enough, according to their standards, or he's not tall enough, or there's no instant attraction in the initial stages, unaware yet that genuine love can't be enjoyed before marriage but true love is learned after one has become legally married.
Concerning early marriage, it is possible for a female teenager to enjoy marriage life if she strongly believes that she's making the right choice, without an ounce of potential remorse, in accepting the marriage proposal of a sincere, mature, financially stable, capable and responsible Muslim man who genuinely wishes to marry her for Allah's sake, not just for how she looks outwardly.
Whether the young husband and his wife temporarily stay at the house of his parents or his wife's parents until he can afford his own residence, or the young Muslim couple are blessed by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala with their own housing, and whether one of them is still studying or they're both pursuing their education, what matters is that their marriage ultimately leads to Allah's Love, keeps their faith/Imaan strengthened, and preserves their modesty.
Marrying at an early age doesn't make one's marriage any better than the marriages of those who got married in their thirties and older. From among the common reasons why some Muslims decide to marry in their teens are their willingness and preparedness to get married, eagerness to avoid haraam relationships and fitna through lawful marriage, and possibly so their parents can see their cute grandchildren before Allah the Most Wise takes their souls back to Him.
Allah the Almighty knows best.
~•~
๐ Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me. Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will discipline his impulses (desires)."
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1846
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
๐ Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, should women be asked for their consent (permission) before marriage?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Yes." I said, “Indeed, sometimes a virgin is too shy to speak when asked.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Her silence (not refusing nor complaining) is her consent (sign that she accepts the marriage proposal)."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6547
Sahih Muslim 1420
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-while-not-every-woman-gets-to.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/note-arranged-marriages-vs-forced.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/10/note-survey-on-love-and-marriage.html
https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/19135/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B0%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B5%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%87%D9%88-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A8%D9%83%D8%B1
