๐ Some questions to ask yourself regarding a person to determine if they're a true friend, toxic friend (aka "frenemy") or just an acquaintance:
1➡️ How long have you been acquainted with this individual?
A] They've been in the same city for a long time but only recently we've started talking to each other. Or less than two years.
B] Only for a few months but it seems as they already regard me as a "friend" even though I still don't know enough details about them. Or I've been acquainted with them for more than three years but I'd say we're not really close.
C] Alhamdulillah we've been connected for more than five years and I'm hoping our friendship continues even until we both reach Jannah Paradise.
2➡️ How often do you chat online or check up on them?
A] Only if I need to ask questions or give instructions, and our conversations are usually very brief or formal.
B] I feel as though I'm mostly the one taking the initiative to start a conversation with them and sometimes I can sense that our dialogues are unpleasantly awkward or "artificial".
C] Every other day or at least once every two months. True friends don't require to conversate every single day and night to maintain the connection.
3➡️ Have you ever invited them to accompany you for shopping or join you to attend some social events?
A] Not yet.
B] Once or twice, but I stopped inviting them when I realized their vibes don't mesh with mine. Or yes, a number of times, but they frequently rejected my invites.
C] Several times, yes, and Alhamdulillah we try to meet up whenever we're both not busy, which seldom happens but it's okay, I believe we are still friends even if we can't see each other 24/7.
4➡️ How would you feel if you knew that they'd be attending a certain conference or large gathering?
A] Nothing really. Their presence and absence don't impact me in any way.
B] Slightly anxious, worried or disappointed.
C] Even more excited and motivated to attend because your good friend is attending.
5➡️ If their residence was just a few steps away from yours, how often would you pay visits?
A] Probably rarely or only on special occasions.
B] I'd prefer to keep my distance since they're a negative influence and I don't trust them. Or only if they insisted that I visit and I would go feeling reluctant.
C] Whenever I feel like visiting them for Allah's sake and when I'm sure they're not preoccupied with other tasks so I won't cause disturbance.
6➡️ Were there moments when you felt upset with them but later decided to forgive their mistakes from within?
A] I don't know them well enough yet to feel emotionally connected.
B] They've done some things online and offline which bothered me oftentimes but I'm trying my best to patiently understand them.
C] Yes, while misunderstandings occur sometimes, eventually we forgive each other for Allah's sake and don't want pride/kibr/ego to get in the way of a worthwhile connection.
7➡️ Tell the truth. Do you feel at least one percent jealous of them?
A] Why would I feel envious of a complete stranger? I barely know them.
B] Not "jealous" but more like annoyed or disgusted by their desperate attempts at making me feel "jealous", with their occasional brags and lame efforts to show off.
C] I wouldn't state that I envy them. I admire their noble traits and achievements for Allah's sake. Seeing them happy makes me feel calm, not jealous or insecure in any way.
8➡️ Can you count all the times when they've proven to you that they're sincerely helpful and supportive?
A] I hardly communicate with them online and face to face. I don't bother following their status updates, so I can't describe them in the first place.
B] Maybe less than five? In some instances though I feel that their act of kindness comes with a selfish agenda.
C] The number of times when they've been kind and caring are too many to list. Or I already consider them as part of my small circle of carefully selected friends. There's no need to keep count of what they did and couldn't do once I regard friendship with a Muslimah as worth keeping for Allah's sake.
9➡️ How do you typically feel when you're about to check their latest posts on social media?
A] I don't follow their status updates. I'm not really interested in what they have to say.
B] From time to time I'd feel a bit anxious, worried that they may have posted a passive-aggressive status update about me or somebody else indirectly.
C] Enthusiastic and eager to learn what I can benefit from their Islamic reminders for Allah's sake, or excited to respond to some of their newest posts to maintain our connection for Allah's sake.
10➡️ Which of these adjectives most accurately suit them?
A] Uncommunicative, aloof, unrelatable, distracted, or mysterious.
B] Gossipy, dictatorial, cringeworthy, narcissistic, or unpredictable.
C] Inspiring, comforting, generous, dependable, or easygoing.
If your overall result, when referring to this person, is mostly:
A's ๐ฒ they are just an acquaintance.
B's ❌ they could be a toxic friend or enemy pretending to be on your team. Avoid socializing unnecessarily with them, as much as possible, to protect your faith/Imaan and emotional well-being.
C's ✅ they have a lot of the qualities which make an individual deserving of your trust, support and empathy for Allah's sake. A considerable amount of patience, sincere intention behind willingness to network, and ongoing forgiveness are necessary to ensure that a connection goes on until your reunion
Inn-sha-Allah in Jannah Paradise.
~•~
๐ Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
๐ Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu said: "A righteous companion is better than loneliness, and loneliness is better than an evil companion. A good writer is better than one silent, and one silent is better than an evil writer."
Source: Rawdat Al-‘Uqalā 56
๐ Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Love whom you love moderately, perhaps he will become hateful to you someday. Hate whom you hate moderately, perhaps he will become your beloved friend someday."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1997
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/12/tips-ways-to-tell-if-your-friend-or.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/03/tips-red-signs-of-toxic-friendships-and.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/07/poem-checklist-to-find-out-if-someone.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/02/note-good-righteous-friends-vs-toxic.html
https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/05/tips-some-ways-to-determine-if-person.html
https://abukhadeejah.com/only-true-friends-and-righteous-companions-will-benefit-you/
