Note: Advice On How Not To Get Offended Easily

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: How can I stop being too sensitive? When someone insults me, criticizes or laughs at me, I tend to cry easily. What should I do to develop a thicker skin?
📝 Answer: Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala created His servants differently, each one with their own set of special traits, qualities, struggles, strengths and temperament. The four caliphs Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq, Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab, Ali Ibn Abi Talib and Uthman Ibn 'Affaan RadhiAllahu 'anhum had different characteristics and not all of them were exactly similar in terms of courage, physical strength, resilience, softness and generosity.
Your quality of being sensitive is what makes you unique. Don't be ashamed of how Allah the Almighty made you. You can use your sensitivity in a positive way by using it to better deal with others tactfully, sympathize with people's needs and demonstrate compassion whenever you can.
🔸 To not get affected nor feel bothered by what critics say:
° Remind yourself that your goal in life is to please Only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. If some people try to offend you because they're not happy with you, so long as you're not disobeying Allah in any way, then don't pay any attention to people's insults, especially if their criticism happen to be lies that do not describe you.
° What people say about you and how they treat you actually reflect their current inner state and values. If some strangers or acquaintances treat you rudely, while you've never done anything wrong to them previously, note that they're either having a stressful day and they're immaturely passing on their misery unto you, they had a terrible upbringing or went through some sort of abuse, or they're low-key envious of the achievements you have or positive things you can do. Feel sorry for them. Thank Allah that He didn't make you an insecure bully and you're not in their shoes.
° Mere words and offensive statements cannot harm you as long as you don't give your haters permission to make you feel bad. Every time an obnoxious individual with zero good morals opens their mouth to insult you, try to guess where they're coming from. Are they criticizing you to feel better about their miserable selves? Practicing some words to expand their vocabulary? Is their snide remark or mockery meant to emphasize their jealousy? Or are they giving honest advice so you can improve as a Muslim, but they're saying it harshly? If a person's motive of criticizing you is to assist you in self-development, appreciate their concern and be strong enough to welcome constructive feedback. On the other hand, if some people are just insulting you for the sake of being randomly rude, imagine they're struggling patients at a mental hospital who don't know how to control what they say or do to you. Walk away from their nonsense with patience. Don't bother arguing with people who are ignorant of good Islamic values. Some girls simply hate a woman who seems to outdo, surpass or outshine them. Continue shining with vibrant confidence, Sabr and contentment.
Concentrate on striving to be the best version of yourself for Allah's sake as a Muslim, uninterested in people's approval, judgment and compliments.
📖 Abdullah Bin Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:
"The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hands the Muslims are safe."
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhari 10 Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
📖 Amr Ibn Absah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, what is Islam?” The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "That you surrender your heart to Allah and that the Muslims are safe from your tongue and hands."
Source: Shu’ab Al-Imān 20 Grade: Sahih

Note: More Reflections On The MBTI Typing Theory

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 A sister in Islam asked me if I could provide more info on the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality typing theory, so I'm answering her question here in case others are curious to know what it is. The first time I took the MBTI test years ago I got ESTP as my result. ESTP described how I used to be back in my teenage years and early 20s. Initiating group games like Truth or Dare, playing pranks for fun and joining casual soccer/football matches with female students from different grades were some of the activities I formerly enjoyed. After some time my MBTI type changed into ESTJ. One of the experiences I've had as an ESTJ teacher included coaching around 30 or more high school boys to sing a nasheed called "Allahu Akbar", only to cancel the performance just before the event because I thought some people may falsely accuse us of being something we're not. As time went by, after being disappointed in realizing how untrustworthy some individuals were, my MBTI personality type gradually transformed into INTJ. Or maybe I was mistyped and didn't answer the MBTI tests properly. If INTJ has been my personality type since I was a kid, then that could explain my inability to get hurt easily after the numerous verbal bullying I went through for some time (was temporarily bullied in elementary school being the only Filipino student among Saudis and Arabs prior to transferring to English international schools), my interest in reading various articles in Britannica and Encarta encyclopedia, and experimenting with random HTML codes when managing my archived online advice journal at TeenOpenDiary .com
Since INTJs are among the rarest of the 16 MBTI personality types (only very few individuals are INTJs), it can be challenging to encounter somebody whom we identify with or relate to.
Some weird things I do as an INTJ:
1] Despite having a cellphone without an active SIM card (at least for now), my phone is almost always set to airplane mode. Strangely I'm not the kind of person whom you can count on to answer text messages immediately upon reading them.
2] While I enjoy planning group outings and gatherings with a few sisters in Islam, I don't mind it if an outing, appointment or get-together gets cancelled. I understand the cancellation is either for our own good, the timing isn't ideal yet, or there is a better alternative
Inn-sha-Allah in the future.
3] I am okay Alhamdulillah with polygyny and don't consider the second wife as a "homewrecker". While some of my relatives thought my husband was cheating on me when they spotted him with another woman outdoors (I was around 26 years old that time), I wasn't the least bit surprised, like I saw it coming when I previously gave him permission to remarry.
By knowing what your MBTI is, you can have a clearer understanding of why you behave in a certain way compared to other individuals, particularly those whom you find it difficult to get along with peacefully. In my case I've clashed with several ISFPs and ESFPs who probably thought of me as "arrogant", "selfish" or "too strict" while I found them to be unreliable at times, too focused on how they feel at present and not concerned enough about the outcomes of defying reasonable rulings. Alhamdulillah just because someone's MBTI type is likely to conflict with yours, it doesn't mean there's no possibility at all to befriend them. Friendship takes place when two souls mutually respect each other and love one another genuinely for Allah's sake, regardless of their age gap, marital status, difference in interests and temperament.
You can Inn-sha-Allah discover what your MBTI type is by taking any of the following tests:
🔸 https://www.123test.com/jung-personality-test/
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Note: Virtues Of Controlling One's Anger

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 While having the last word and winning a debate can make one feel "in control", and striking an aggravating person with a violent punch makes one feel "powerful", acting upon anger without carefully thinking of the consequences shows lack of self-discipline. If you can't control what goes on inside you, such as your thoughts and fluctuating moods, it won't be easy to ensure that outside circumstances remain under control.
It took me several efforts of apologizing to some individuals whom I've offended in the past, random researches on anger management, and cancelled arguments with my husband, substituting the urge to quarrel with compassionate willingness to be patient, to realize that a bad temper isn't worth getting into trouble or losing the people whom I care about.
I am Inn-sha-Allah learning to implement the following principles concerning anger issues:
1] Instead of rushing to react angrily to someone's misconduct, pause and distance yourself from the object or subject trying to trigger a negative reaction. Imagine looking at yourself from another individual's point of view. Better yet, visualize if the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam was right in front of you observing, would you still demonstrate your feelings of fury be put into action or would you alter the move you're about to make, and carefully construct your statements?
2] Say "A'oodhu Billaahi min ash-shaytan ar-rajeem", do the opposite of what shaytan wants you to do, and avoid the places where angry emotions are likely to develop.
3] Ignoring toxic people and showing no interest in engaging with troublemakers are safer options for your heart, mind and soul than to insist on arguing with them, proving you're the one who's correct, and doing whatever you can to emphasize your ego is larger than theirs.
Choosing your battles wisely and training yourself to not lose your cool can prevent you from losing your job, unnecessary misunderstandings, long-term grudges, divorce, and broken friendships. It is better to struggle in maintaining patience for a brief moment than to be regretful for a lifetime due to missing out on an opportunity or behaving improperly because of impatience.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong are not those who are good at wrestling. Verily, the truly strong one is the one who controls himself during anger."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5763, Sahih Muslim 2609
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man came to the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and he said, “Advise me.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not be angry.” The man repeated his request and the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not be angry.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5765
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari
📖 Abu Dharr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said to us, "If one of you is angry while he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will leave him; otherwise, let him lay down."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4782
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

Note: Avoiding People Who Enjoy Backbiting

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 As a Muslim Alhamdulillah your aim in life is to do what pleases Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala so Jannah becomes your destiny. Anything that hinders, slows you down or prevents you from achieving your goal to enter Paradise must be stopped or avoided for Allah's sake completely. You can't be a pious Muslim if you constantly hang out with misguided youths who prefer succumbing to their desires and this dunya instead of striving to improve in the Deen. The kind of company you keep can reflect the type of person you are or want to be. So typically if you chill with gamers, druggies, gangsters, fashionistas, selfie-addicts, celeb-wannabes or gossipers, you may end up catching some of their traits or acting like them to some degree. Thus be very careful with regards to who you consider your closest friends.

People who find pleasure in mocking or backbiting about others are in reality cowards, who are so insecure or emotionally wounded that they feel desperate to pass on their misery unto the subjects of their gossipy discussions. If they were clever, confident and happy with themselves, they wouldn't demoralize their values by gaining others' sins and giving out their good deeds through sinful backbiting. Every time a person talks badly about you in your presence or absence, they simply prove they're jealous of you for having a good quality that they lack, while they receive the wrongdoings which you previously did and the rewards of their past good actions are added to your account of deeds. Therefore, don't feel bad when clowns or jokers backbite about you. Their gossip and ridicule clearly indicate how envious they are of you, as they can't stand seeing you doing well in front of them, so they cowardly insult you from behind.

Before ditching the friends whom you've been acquainted with for a long time, advise them sincerely and inform them about the prohibition of backbiting. Gossiping is a major sin because Allah the Most Merciful disallowed it, since those who indulge in gossip behave improperly as if Allah the All-Knowing isn't seeing them and hearing their immoral conversations, making fun of His creations as though they themselves don't have any imperfections of their own.

If your companions stubbornly refuse to take your advice into consideration, gladly gift them with your avoidance. Don't feel guilty about distancing yourself from whatever distances you from wanting to become a better Muslim. 

Bad friends can always be replaced by good ones eventually in the future. It's better to walk alone in the correct direction than to side with a large crowd heading towards trouble or they're making the wrong decision. In the end, our good deeds are what accompany us to our graves, not our family, friends nor famous reputation. So even if you don't have any close friends who can make you laugh often, what matters is the safety of your faith/Imaan and your good deeds aren't wasted, especially through backbiting other Muslims.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the most beloved to me are those of you with the best character, soft in nature, friendly and befriended. The most hateful of you to Allah are those who spread tale-bearing and gossip, who cause discord between loved ones, seeking misery for the innocent."

Source: Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsaṭ 7693

Grade: Hasan li ghayrihi (Fair due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani

Note: Tips On How To Detach From A "Crush"

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
💌 Developing feelings for someone isn't always a choice. We don't get to choose who we fall in love with. While our emotions can't be controlled all the time, we have the ability and freewill to select our response to how we feel.
If you're angry at a person, you can either express your anger directly or passive-aggressively, or you can forget what they did, forgive and repress it. If you're sad about something, your sadness could lead to self-destructive actions, or it could inspire you to be patient and resort to saying Dhikr and supplications. When you find some people attractive, intense emotions could lead to intentional staring, checking them out whenever you're in the same room, flirting, stalking their social media accounts which intensifies your attraction and fantasizing about them. However if you have Taqwa (Fear of Allah Only) and your faith/Imaan is strong, you can willfully avoid anything that could lead to fitna even if your heart still desired them. You leave them for Allah's sake because your love for Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala is greater than satisfying your nafs, and you refuse to obey shaytan's whisperings.
The less you look at your crush or the less you see them, the more you'll forget about them and the romantic feelings for them gradually go away. So train yourself to be an expert at lowering your gaze. If some conversations are necessary with somebody whom you secretly admire; such as an ustadh/ustadha, salesperson, teacher, doctor or colleague; do your best to make the dialogue as brief as possible, avoid speaking with a flirtatious tone, and don't look straight into their eyes for prolonged periods. Gazing into each other's eyes with mutual lust or passion is often what makes people fall in love with one another.
Other ways to detach yourself from a potential haraam affair include: Keeping yourself busy with reading from the Noble Qur'an, saying Dhikr and Du'as regularly, reminding yourself of the evil consequences of zina/fornication/adultery, studying more about Islam to strengthen your faith/Imaan, and fasting more Sunnah fasts to discipline your nafs. Also remember that this world and its pleasures are temporary. Don't sacrifice eternal peace in Jannah Paradise for a few minutes of prohibited fun that results in regret from choosing to fail an examination.
📖 “The eye is the mirror of the heart, so if the slave lowers his gaze, the heart will lower its desires and whims, and if he lets his gaze wander, the desire in his heart will be released.”
Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim [May Allah have mercy on him. Ameen.]
[Rawdat Al-Muhibbīn, (p. 109)]