Tips: Some Advice On How To Deal With Feeling Rejected, Excluded And Left Out

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

🗒️ Some tips on how to deal with occasionally feeling excluded, rejected and left out: 

➡️ Example: When you're one of the few who were uninvited to attend a social event, when some acquaintances get up from their seats as soon as you sit next to them, when members of a group chat seem to be unresponsive to your messages yet they're communicative with one another, when some peers make it clear that they don't feel comfortable with you joining in their discussions, and when some toxic "friends" are pulling an "ignoring you" prank to see how you'd react or check if you're tough enough to join their "special" circle etc. 

✅ How to deal: 

1] Cleverly analyze the motives and current circumstances of those people who are going out of their way to make you feel left out. Are they rejecting you on purpose? Are they so insecure that they feel the need to get back at you for not inviting them to an outing which you enjoyed some time ago? Or do they assume that they'd be disturbing you by inviting you because you've rejected their invitations in the past and such sensitive persons don't want to go through another unpleasant round of being disappointed? 

If some individuals are deliberately excluding you from their gatherings, confidently respect their decision to not welcome you, knowing that we can't force any human being to like us if we're obviously too different, and have enough self-respect to walk away from places where you're mistreated. If they actually forgot to invite you, especially if there were so many loved ones and guests whom they had to prioritize or financial struggles prevented them from being able to contact all those whom they're acquainted with, then have the courage to let them know that while you're happy they had a good time, you'd appreciate it if they invite you in the future to participate in any (halal / lawful) joyous occasion. Or simply accept the fact, with rewarding patience, that it's not from Allah's Qadr / Destiny for you to attend such gatherings. Why worry too much about things which Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala didn't and doesn't destine? 

2] Recall at least one instance when you purposely didn't allow a particular individual or number of individuals to join you for an activity. There must've been a valid reason behind your choice to not include them. Expert mountaineers wouldn't be okay with toddlers and newbies accompanying them for mountaineering, particularly if the latter are not properly equipped nor trained to climb tall mountains. Females who aren't strong enough to be in a polygynous marriage would do whatever they can to avoid befriending women who are fine with polygyny, each of them fearing that her spouse may remarry if he notices them being buddies with somebody who's not the only legal wife of her husband. 

When you're fully aware of the real reason why some people treat you in confounding ways, you'd be less prone to having your feelings hurt because you know that if you had their emotional immaturity, problems or inferiority complex issues, you'd probably act dismissive and rude to others in the same way they acted discourteous towards you. 

3] Keep yourself busy with more worthwhile, productive and beneficial deeds. If you're in a large hall where all the attendees besides yourself have groups of individuals to talk to and all cliques appear to be uninterested in what you can offer, confidently remain contented and grateful that at least you still have Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Who always listens to you, and actually do something meaningful to distract yourself from self-pity. Read some verses from a Qur'an application on your android phone, enhance your faith/Imaan by reading more Ahadith / authentic sayings of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, or browse around some useful articles and PDF documents you've downloaded, or watch some Islamic and educational videos until it's time to leave the social event, or say Dhikr and Du'a while patiently waiting for the next task. 

Never entertain negative thoughts about yourself just because some unhappy souls want you to be as miserable as they are through excluding you from their cliques. Visualize being a lion that refuses to doubt its value just because a swarm of flies and mosquitoes didn't send it an invitation to take part in their assignment of flying around garbage.

~•~

📖 'Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "When you are three persons sitting together, then no two of you should hold secret counsel excluding the third person until you are with some other people too, for that would grieve him." 

Reference: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6290

In-book reference: Book 79, Hadith 62

USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 8, Book 74, Hadith 305 

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe. The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

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