Note: Everything Including Marriage Is Under Allah's Control

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 When I was around eighteen or nineteen years old, back in Saudi Arabia, I received a marriage proposal from one of my male 'childhood friends'. I quickly declined his request because he was about two years younger than me and I preferred marrying an older man with more life experiences. After declining several other marriage proposals, my late mother (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) insisted that I at least marry my first cousin who was then studying as a medical student. Initially I refused, because I understood that a lot of doctors can get preoccupied with work, which prevents them from enjoying quality time with their families. Eventually I accepted the proposal after praying two Sunnah Rak'ahs of Salat Al-Istikhaarah and measuring the pros and cons of getting married at twenty. Alhamdulillah through this marriage, I've learned to be very supportive of polygyny, more understanding towards individuals with certain disabilities (as my husband has an autistic brother), and Alhamdulillah I'm able to encourage wives whose husbands work abroad to remain faithful and steadfastly patient for Allah's sake. Last time I checked while browsing on Facebook, I found out that the guy whose marriage proposal I rejected is contentedly married with one of his cousins, like I'm wed to my cousin, and Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala blessed them with a number of adorable kids. 

After my mother and a good friend of hers gave birth in the same year 1988, in Ad-Dammam city, they agreed to have their kids engaged and promised they'd get them married in the future, as a way to maintain their close friendship. I remember seeing photos of my brother as a baby holding hands with another baby and, if I'm not mistaken, they had cute tiny engagement rings on. Several years later their wedding was cancelled even though my brother was all set for his groom's outfit. Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala destined that my brother get married to one of our cousins instead who's about three years older than him. Alhamdulillah they're both currently blessed with five cute children. The girl on the other hand whom we thought could've been his wife actually married a Saudi guy who met her during their university years in Malaysia. Alhamdulillah they're blessed with one beautiful daughter together at the moment. 

🔸The lesson I wish to share is that even if your plans to marry someone didn't work out, and no matter how many times you've tried proposing to some women only to receive a negative response, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself or wrongly assume that Allah doesn't love you. If being a particular woman's husband wasn't your Qadr/Destiny, your marriage with her can never take place despite being bribed with millions of pesos. If Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala didn't decree that you become somebody's soulmate, you'd always stay single in spite of meeting numerous matchmakers who guess you're compatible with so-and-so. However if Allah the Most Wise already planned that you get married to a specific person, on an assigned date, in a chosen destination, nothing and nobody can prevent Allah's Plans from occurring. So keep trusting Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and ask Him to grant you only what is right for your overall well-being. 

It could take days, weeks, months or years... but whatever was meant to be yours, according to Allah's Plans, will ultimately come to you at the perfect timing. 

Include the Muslim Ummah today Jumuah Friday in your Du'as, wholeheartedly believing that Allah knows how to answer your supplications.

📖 Ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam when he said to me, "Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you. If you ask, ask from Allah. If you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that if the nations gathered together to benefit you, they will not benefit you unless Allah has decreed it for you. And if the nations gathered together to harm you, they will not harm you unless Allah has decreed it for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2516

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi

Poem: Welcome To The First Wives Club

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 A tribute to first wives whose hearts are one of a kind,

Who love Allah the most, and value the husband's rights, 

Who live for Allah so polygyny they don't mind, 

Wise enough to know the reality of this life.

~•~

Keep loving your husband for Allah with sweet Sabr.

Don't give up the love because he married another. 

The other woman shouldn't make you a weak quitter.

If she can please your man, then love him too but harder. 

~•~

Be strong on the inside like a mountain wouldn't budge 

When the wind blows and brings with it piles of leaves and rocks. 

While your spouse married a second, you're still his first love -

His chapter two mustn't cause your love story to stop. 

~•~

For Allah's sake, love your husband with fierce loyalty, 

Fearless patience and acceptance of Allah's Decree. 

A co-wife's entry doesn't need to break your journey.

In countless ways she can benefit your family.

~•~

The other wife's presence can effectively train you 

To exercise Sabr for Allah, with gratitude,

To recall how your husband's love for you remains true, 

And to always prefer Jannah where none can feel blue. 

~•~

That's how you know your love is real - when it stays the same, 

Or the romance keeps growing nearly each night and day. 

Whether he's near you or his body is far away, 

The love for your soulmate is too solid it can't fade. 

~•~

First wife, you're not an option when your man re-married.

Dear Muslimah who's fine with what Allah permitted, 

Who loves Allah and whose faith/Imaan is deep-seated,

Don't quit. Marriage must never be taken for granted. 

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 4252

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1159

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi

Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."

Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātih 5/2125

📖 Abdullah ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife."

Source: Sahih Muslim 1467

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Note: Develop Good Character For Allah's Sake

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 A woman doesn't become instantly "righteous" by calling herself 'Umm fulaan' or 'Omm fulaana', wearing niqab with modest jilbab, and sharing Islamic posts while arrogantly looking down on Muslims who don't appear to be as religious as she is. It doesn't make sense that one claims to be Muslim and a follower of the Prophet's Sunnah yet their actions clearly contradict the way the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam treated others with admirable mercy, kindness and fairness.

While it is rewarding to regularly attend Islamic halaqas and listen to beneficial lectures, a lot of those who may consider themselves as religiously superior to those who aren't equally righteous  are guilty of the following:

1] If it is not known or you haven't declared yet that you are 'Salafi', they completely ignore your salaams and look at you with unfriendly scowls. We're commanded by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala in the Noble Qur'an and by His beloved Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam to answer others' salaam, if not with a better greeting then at least to return it, whether the person saying salaam is a Muslim or not.

2] They doubt your sincerity and quickly assume your good deeds are done to cover up an ulterior motive. You encourage others to do charity? Automatically they guess you're "khaariji", when that's not the case at all. They found you being friendly with Muslims from a different organization? You're a deviant "hizbi" to them, when you're simply implementing decent manners with other humans.

3] They think it's permissible to ridicule, backbite and gossip about sinners, deviants and the ignorant, unaware that they themselves are also prone to making errors now and then since no human being is 100% perfect.

It is okay to choose your close friends wisely. It is okay to be careful regarding who to trust. What's not okay is to treat somebody rudely just because they don't seem trustworthy, relatable, or exactly identical to you.

Avoid acting like you know what a Muslim's intentions are, as only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala knows who are the truly guided ones and only He sees all of His servants' hearts.

📖 Jabir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is friendly and befriended, for there is no goodness in one who is neither friendly, nor befriended. The best of people are those who are most beneficial to the people."

Source: Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsaṭ 5937 

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Nothing is heavier upon the scale of the believer on the Day of Resurrection than good character. Verily, Allah hates the vulgar, obscene person."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 2002 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for one who leaves arguments even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lies even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character excellent."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4800

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do you know who is bankrupt?” They said, “The one without money or goods is bankrupt.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the bankrupt of my nation are those who come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers, fasting, and charity, but also with insults, slander, consuming wealth, shedding blood, and beating others. The oppressed will each be given from his good deeds. If his good deeds run out before justice is fulfilled, then their sins will be cast upon him (the one who oppressed and mistreated others) and he will be thrown into the Hellfire."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2581 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, gentleness is not found in anything but that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything but that it disgraces it."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2594 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

📖 Al-Nawwas ibn Sam’an RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Righteousness is good character, and sin is what disturbs your heart and you hate for people to find out about it."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2553 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Poem: Be Well-Prepared For The Meeting With Allah

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 From the things you won't need when you're buried in your grave:
Your cozy house, luxury mansion, fine food you ate,
Large income you earned many of which you loved to save,
Fancy titles or degrees that embellished your name,
~•~
Expensive cars you owned or vehicles you rode in,
Countries traveled to and cities you went to often,
Photos of yourself, with loved ones and with meals taken,
Branded clothes, designer shoes, and worldly collections,
~•~
Cash invested in material things - you won't need them,
Along with the likes you got and fans you influenced,
Evil plans you schemed to get even with opponents,
And pride you inflated to win every argument.
~•~
What will benefit are deeds you did for Allah's sake,
From praying on time, and saying Dhikr night and day,
To teaching about Islam, and kindness you displayed.
Allah gave us this life to worship Him, not play games.
~•~
So don't worry if you're not rich or haven't gained fame.
Our main purpose is to serve Allah, do good, and pray,
While being patient with what Allah provides and takes,
Till we reach Jannah and join those who see Allah's Face.
~•~
📖 Anas RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "When a human being is laid in his grave and his companions return, and he even hears their footsteps, two angels come to him and make him sit and ask him: 'What did you use to say about this man, Muhammad?' He will say: 'I testify that he is Allah's slave and His Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam.' Then it will be said to him, 'Look at your place in the Hellfire. Allah has given you a place in Paradise instead of it.'"
The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam added, "The dead person will see both his places. But a disbeliever or a hypocrite will say to the angels, 'I do not know, but I used to say what the people used to say!' It will be said to him, 'Neither did you know nor did you take the guidance (by reciting the Qur'an).' Then he will be hit with an iron hammer between his two ears, and he will cry and that cry will be heard by whatever approaches him except human beings and jinns."
Sahih Al-Bukhari 1338
In-book reference: Book 23, Hadith 94
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 2, Book 23, Hadith 422 
📖 Anas ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Three things follow a dead person. Two of them return and one remains. His family, his wealth, and his deeds follow him. His family and wealth return, but his deeds remain."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6149, Sahih Muslim 2960
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: A woman came to the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and she said, “My mother has died and she owed a month of fasting.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do you think if she had a debt you would repay it on her behalf?” She said 'yes'. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The debts of Allah are more worthy to be repaid."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 1902
Sahih Muslim 1132
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Note: Signs Of Insecure People

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 There is a huge difference between being "shy" and "insecure". One person may appear to be outgoing, courageously ready to mingle and socialize, yet deep down inside they're incredibly insecure and unconfident. Another individual can be described as "shy" when they dislike bringing unnecessary attention to themselves, feel uneasy around large social gatherings, or they refrain from behaving in a manner that could repel or turn off those whom they look up to.

Many reserved introverts or ambiverts who are "shy" when among strangers actually have a good amount of self-esteem. They can be regarded as "confident" when they do things with a reasonable purpose regardless of people's opinions and criticism. Insecure individuals on the other hand act out because they excessively care about what people think. They're usually driven by their own emotions or ego and how onlookers view them.

🔹 Three signs that indicate a person could be insecure - they are unhappy with who they are or they lack self-confidence:

1] They're quick to judge your intentions and question others' motives. 

If you and some friends are laughing, the insecure person instantly assumes they're the subject of your discussion, when that isn't the case. If you want to share some information because you think it can benefit others, an insecure person would speculate you're "showing off again" or "acting like a know-it-all". If you're asking questions because you're curious and willing to develop your friendship, an obnoxiously insecure individual would get offended and assume you want certain information only for selfish reasons.

They're so insecure and unsure of themselves that they can't even see others in a positive way.

2] They shamelessly verbalize wrong assumptions about others.

Instead of keeping their bad thoughts to themselves, like mature adults do, insecure people utilize their social media accounts to bring others down. Their gigantic load of insecurities is what drives them to post passive-aggressive status updates which are directed at those whom they're too afraid to confront. They are so enriched with insecure self-hatred that insulting others and counting people's flaws to distract oneself from one's own are done to pacify their minuscule self-esteem.

3] They deliberately do and say things to make you feel bad about yourself.

"Oh your baby recently started crawling? That's sad. Mine learned to crawl at five months.", "How come your husband doesn't work in the same city you're in? Maybe you should influence him to find another job so you're not neglected. You're extremely weak if you never remind him what your rights are.", and "Why did you style your hair like that? Are you copying me? This hairstyle is unsuitable for your face shape." are some examples of statements you may hear from insecure haters.

People who are secure, glow with confidence, and who are grateful for the blessings that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala gave them, uplift others and spread cheerful vibes, not mistreat people whom they regard as competition or threats to their limelight.

📖 Abu Dharr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Fear Allah wherever you are, follow a bad deed with a good deed and it will erase it, and behave well with good character towards the people."  

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1987  

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest." 

In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Let him not harm his neighbor." 

And in another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Let him uphold family ties."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5672, Sahih Muslim 47 

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Anas ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe. The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut