๐ In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
๐ 13 Lessons learned on loving your spouse, from around 16 years of being married (Alhamdulillah):
1) Getting married isn't the main source of happiness. Your joy, inner peace and contentment should be found in sincerely obeying Allah the Almighty. Regardless of what your marital status is (married, single, widowed, separated), you can never be happy if you don't have Islam, faith/Imaan and Taqwa / piety.
2) Genuinely loving your husband for Allah's sake, with actual sincerity / Ikhlaas and patience / Sabr, can help you go through any trial, challenge and difficulty in marriage life. By stubbornly remaining loyal to your destined soulmate for the sake of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, you have the ability
Inn-sha-Allah to continue loving him patiently as his faithful wife despite the different kinds of struggles which you both go through once in a while.
3) Instead of feeling easily hurt when he doesn't return your calls or answer your text messages instantly, be brave enough to forgive, understand him and accept the likelihood of him being so busy, or realize maybe he didn't reply because he had no load that time to send text messages, or his other wife (who could be insecure and awfully envious of you) is trying to disrupt your communication if you're in polygyny. Earn abundant rewards by practicing patience for Allah's sake rather than demanding for divorce unreasonably.
4) Be grateful for even the smallest acts of kindness and gestures of love from your husband, whether it's found in him feeding you with his own right hand while eating together, drinking from the glass you drank from, enjoying the dishes you cook for him while refraining from inconsiderately criticizing your cooking, letting you lovingly massage him, and showing enthusiasm or willingness to pay close attention when you inform him how your day went or you wish to share some insightful lessons.
5) It's not always that you get to sleep and spend time with your husband. There will be moments when he has to travel to another city or country for several days or months, so you anxiously miss him. Missing someone's presence is clear evidence that you really care about them.
6) Don't expect everything to be ideal or flawless in marriage. Expect instances when your husband makes a mistake, hurts your feelings or cancels appointments. Acknowledge the truth that your spouse is human. Consider every disappointment as an opportunity to develop your strength in accepting Allah's Qadr/Destiny with rewarding patience.
7) Being patient with your husband doesn't indicate you're weak or you are settling for less than what you actually deserve, but you're in actuality strong enough to not let your ego take control over your actions and you don't allow temporary examinations to keep you upset.
8) It's not a necessity for every Muslim couple to be exactly alike and perfectly compatible for them to get along with each other. In some marriages, the husband is more religious than his wife, whereas in other love journeys, the pious wife has a beautiful chance to inspire her husband to become more righteous for Allah's sake with admirable perseverance.
9) The number of kids that Muslim couples have together do not measure the quality of their love life. It is possible for a man and woman to remain married without bringing up any children. Their infertility is a test from Allah the Most Merciful, to examine their level of patience and contentment or acceptance of Allah's Decree. Not having offsprings may be their chance to earn more of Allah's Love by showing interest in taking good care of orphans or those who are deprived of the affection of responsible parents.
10) It is absolutely normal for husbands and wives to argue with one another now and then. Instead of asking for divorce after an argument, find the courage to be the first to forgive, the first to apologize, the first to reconcile and try to sympathize with how your husband is different. If he stubbornly insists on committing an obvious wrongdoing though, such as smoking or gambling, don't be too quick to abandon him. Pray to Allah that He guides your husband and include your spouse in your frequent supplications.
11) Your marriage life is a blessing and gift from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala if it leads you and your spouse to Jannah Paradise, protects you from haraam/forbidden relationships, and trains you to give preference to pleasing Allah over surrendering to shameful desires.
12) In some cases there can be a possibility for a wife to feel attracted to someone other than her husband, or for a man to admire other women who are not his wife/wives. This is another type of test from Allah the Most Forgiving. You are not accountable for whatever thoughts or feelings you have, as long as you try your best to ensure you don't put those inappropriate urges into intentional actions. Strengthen your connection with Allah the Almighty, patiently persist in disciplining your nafs, and courageously lower your gaze as a striving Muslim.
13) Once in a while you may feel slightly jealous of other people's marriages, especially if the sort of friends you hang out with tend to frequently brag about how their love lives seem "perfect". Rather than doubting the quality of your own marriage or feeling discontented, confidently be happy for them, encourage them to stay loyal for Allah's sake, and appreciate the love journey that Allah the Most Loving wisely selected for you. What works for you may not work out for others, and what goes well with others' love lives may not be suitable for your love journey. Since Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala created His servants with unique roles and abilities, not everybody goes through life's trials similarly.
There are various ways of reaching the peak of a mountain, either by traditional mountain-climbing or mountaineering, ascending a flight of stairs if a stairway has been constructed, riding a cable car if there is one, flying with a helicopter, or even just imagining you've already reached the top of the mountain.
Avoid comparing the chapters of your marriage life to others' romance. Do your best for Allah's sake to be a pleasant wife to your husband until you reunite in Jannah Paradise where profound bliss and perfection can be enjoyed for eternity.
๐ Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."
Source: Sahih Ibn Hibban 4252
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
https://abukhadeejah.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Righteous-Wife-P1-WEB-7.3-Print-Complete.pdf
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