๐ In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
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๐️ Question: What advice can you share with a woman whose husband spends most of his earnings on his mother and sisters although every one of her sisters-in-law already has a spouse to care for them? I feel bad about my marriage life whenever I notice other couples traveling a lot while my husband and I nowadays don't go on trips as often as we used to?
๐ Answer: 1] First off, thank Allah the Almighty, Alhamdulillah, that you're married, while many females worldwide who are eager to enter into marriage life haven't received a single marriage proposal within several years and others were forced to get married yet eventually some of them learned to love the husband solely for Allah's sake.
In your case, if you willingly agreed to your husband's marriage proposal from the very beginning, you must push yourself to continue loving your other half patiently to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala despite your soulmate's flaws, limitations, frequent busyness, challenging circumstances, and romantic things which he is incapable of doing 24/7.
Imagine yourself as a willing participant at an eating contest in which the contestants are expected to consume a large bowl of spicy rice noodles within twenty minutes and the prize of the top five is a trip to Makkah for two weeks, and the first winner gets to invite their entire family for the business class tickets. If you find the awards appealing, you'd do whatever you can to win the competition even if the utensils are damaged slightly or broken completely, even if you normally don't fancy spicy food, even if you're the only contestant who's standing while the rest are seated because two of the legs of the chair that was given to you were dismantled, and even if a large group among the audience loudly criticize you claiming there's no way you'll become victorious.
So-called "perfect love" only exists in fictional stories and unrealistic or overdramatized romantic movies. If some couples never, not even once, go through some misunderstandings and it seems that they never, not even once, dealt with any problem, they're either humanoid robots devoid of the capacity to recognize emotions or you're staring at a bunch of statues or mannequins, or they're actors trying to make onlookers jealous of their lousy acting.
2] Don't belittle yourself by regularly comparing your unique journey to others' lives. If the sweetness of your love story is like that of a juicy watermelon, avoid unnecessarily browsing around the marketplace (social media) to compare it to expensive durians and onions. The less you nosily stalk the profiles or accounts of your married friends who flaunt on a regular basis the fabulous dates they've been on, the more satisfied you'd feel about the love story which Allah the Most Wise specially destined for you.
Not every love story involves flying magic carpets that offer tours around the world, you know.
3] Consistently remind yourself of all the fantastic attributes which you truly admire in your husband. Recall, rewind and replay sweet memories of the both of you, while steadfastly believing that
Inn-sha-Allah in Jannah Paradise you and your soulmate can enjoy even better and more lasting joyous moments together, without unavoidable interruptions, distractions and disturbance.
4] Empathize with the man whom Allah the Most Loving wisely selected as your husband and partner to Jannah Paradise. Don't be too selfish that only your wants and feelings matter. View it as another reason to love him even more for Allah's sake every time you observe your husband being financially supportive and caring towards his female relatives, particularly to the one who gave birth to him. You should be grateful Alhamdulillah that he spends from his halal income on doing charity instead of doing drugs or engaging in activities which are not legal.
You discovered that some toddlers whom you're babysitting drew tons of scribbles around a wall with permanent marker? At least they didn't scribble on each other's faces or stick the pens into the electrical outlets. Try your best to count and appreciate your husband's merits instead of focusing on what you think is not acceptable.
5] Understand that the quality of your marriage life isn't based on the number of times you and your husband meet or go out together. Your marriage life is a blessing if:
1¶ Through this marriage, with Allah's Will and Guidance, you've become a much stronger and more productive Muslimah who's more connected to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala than before.
2¶ You're far away from fitna. Ever since you married your husband for Allah's sake, your husband is the only soul on earth whom you're actually attracted to, with unyielding contentment and fierce loyalty for Allah's sake.
3¶ Through loving your husband for Allah's sake, you've learned to become better at implementing and showing patience / Sabr and gratitude / Shukr. Although there are some instances when you struggle, your husband in many ways, directly and indirectly, inspires you to do Tawbah (seek Allah's Forgiveness) and maintain firm connection with Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Who decreed and designed your special love story.
Also don't hesitate to express your concerns to your husband. Politely speak with him when it is evident that he's not too tired or busy.
Courageously stay patient if your soulmate can't comply with all of your requests, as your dear husband wasn't born to be an ATM (automated teller machine) with unlimited cash, tour guide or genie capable of granting wishes limited to three.
Jannatul Ferdaus must be our ultimate destination, not this dunya which is undoubtedly temporary.
~•~
๐ Ibn 'Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "I was shown the Hellfire and (found) that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."
Sahih Al-Bukhari 29
In-book reference: Book 2, Hadith 22
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 1, Book 2, Hadith 29
๐ Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1159
Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi
Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."
Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātih 5/2125
๐ Narrated Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: On Eid-ul-Fitr or Eid-ul-Adha, Allah's Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam went out to the Musalla. After finishing the prayer, he delivered the sermon and ordered the people to give alms (charity). He said, "O people! Give alms." Then he went towards the women and said. "O women! Give alms, for I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-Fire were you (women)." The women asked, "O Allah's Messenger! What is the reason for it?" He replied, "O women! You curse frequently, and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. O women, some of you can lead a cautious wise man astray." Then he left. And when he reached his house, Zainab, the wife of Ibn Mas'ud, came and asked permission to enter. It was said, "O Allah's Messenger! It is Zainab." He asked, 'Which Zainab?" The reply was that she was the wife of Ibn Mas'ud. He said, "Yes, allow her to enter." And she was admitted. Then she said, "O Prophet of Allah! Today you ordered people to give alms and I had an ornament and intended to give it as alms, but Ibn Mas'ud said that he and his children deserved it more than anybody else." The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam replied, "Ibn Mas'ud had spoken the truth. Your husband and your children had more right to it than anybody else."
Sahih Al-Bukhari 1462
In-book reference: Book 24, Hadith 65
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 2, Book 24, Hadith 541
