Tips: On Dealing With The Fitna Of Same-Sex Attraction

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Is there a possibility of experiencing same-sex attraction as a Muslim? Have you ever had a "crush" on someone of the same gender, so you went through any of the following:

• You either liked them instantly the first time you saw them or you were strangers in the beginning until gradually the more you got to know them, the more you felt "attracted", "captivated" or even started questioning your sexual orientation.

• You found yourself thinking of them quite too often, missing their presence whenever they weren't around, or desiring to be near each other as much as you can.

• You may have thought to yourself "if I were a guy, I'd propose to her and we'd do all the acts that couples in love do", "if homosexuality/lesbianism/bisexuality weren't haraam, without hesitation I'd be up for it and ask her out ASAP," or "Why is it that when I'm with other women I can be myself, comfortable and at ease like we're all sisters, yet this lady in particular gives me the butterflies?"

Those weird feelings and obsessive thoughts of desiring to commit a sin such as zina and acting upon homosexual urges undoubtedly come from shaytan who is desperate to destroy humanity in any way he can think of. Feeling like commiting suicide, another major sin, when you're feeling depressed is a waswasa (evil whispering) from shaytan. Feeling like stealing your neighbor's extra set of keys to their house so you can commit theft when the residence is unoccupied comes from shaytan's deceptive tricks. Feeling like you want to kiss or get unusually touchy with a person of the same gender because you can't help but express your intense admiration is likewise a waswasa coming from shaytan's cunning plots to distract you.

Some might be afraid of admitting they're gay, queer or bisexual, when in reality those labels aren't significant in Islam and they're actually battling courageously against their nafs.

Allah the Most Wise gave this different kind of exam to certain souls and He knows that they can pass if they continue trusting Him Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, preferring Jannah's eternal joys to this world's temporal pleasures, and striving to preserve their chastity, actively avoiding the urge to seek any haraam relationship even though deep inside their heart longs for it.

🔹 To avoid falling into the major sin of homosexuality and behaving as rebels who oppose what Allah the Almighty created, designing males in general to be naturally partnered with females particularly to procreate and increase the human population, we can:

1] Remember our main purpose of being created, to pass Allah's temporary tests in dunya in order to reach Jannah Paradise.

2] Constantly seek authentic knowledge of Islam from reliable sources. The more we learn about Islam and implement what we learned for Allah's sake, the more our faith/Imaan is strengthened and with Taqwa, we're less prone to listening to shaytan's evil whisperings.

3] Maintain a strong connection with Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and say lots of Du'as, as sincere supplications can 

Inn-sha-Allah alter one's Qadr/Destiny positively.

4] Get married and stay loyal to one's husband for Allah's sake.

5] Fast regularly Sunnah fasting every other Monday and Thursday, on special occasions like the three white days of each month as well as Sha'baan, six days of Shawwaal, and on Yawm 'Arafah for those who aren't performing the Hajj/pilgrimage.

The more we get accustomed to fasting in which we refrain from eating and drinking for some hours, the stronger our sense of self-control and self-discipline.

6] Realize that if we genuinely love another sister in Islam for Allah's sake, we'd want them to enter Jannah Paradise with us. Indulging in homosexuality is something that no decent Muslimah would seek for herself nor for other Muslimahs.

7] Focus on preparing yourself to meet our Creator Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. Imagine if you died in the midst of making out with another female, whether an earthquake occurred or you had a heart attack, would you like it? No. So be persistent in defeating shaytan's vile insinuations and acknowledge from within "Yes, I totally like so-and-so but I won't pursue her because homosexuality/lesbianism/bisexuality is haraam, and I intend to die as an obedient Muslim."

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Guarantee six deeds from me and I assure your acceptance into Paradise. When one of you speaks, let him not lie. When one of you promises, let him not break it. When one of you is trusted, let him not betray it. Lower your gaze, restrain your hands from harming others, and guard your chastity."

Source: Musnad Abī Ya’lá 4195

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu reported from his father that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "A man should not see the private parts of another man, and a woman should not see the private parts of another woman, and a man should not lie with another man under one covering, and a woman should not lie with another woman under one covering."

Sunan Abu Dawud p.201 v.2

Sahih Muslim and Musnad Ahmed

📖 Jabir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, what I fear most for my nation is the deed of the people of Lot (i.e. homosexuality)."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1374

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Al-Nu’man Ibn Bashir RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the entire body is sound, and if corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 52, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Some of the companions came to the Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and they asked him, “We find within ourselves that which is too grievous to speak of.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “You have indeed found it so?” They said 'yes.' The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “That is sincere faith.”

In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “That is (a sign of) pure faith.”

Source: Sahih Muslim 132

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah has pardoned my nation for what occurs within themselves, as long as they do not speak of it or act upon it."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6287, Sahih Muslim 127

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Ibn Al-Qayyim said, "Know that passing thoughts are not harmful. Indeed, they are only harmful if they are sought after and engaged. For a thought is like a passerby on the road; if you ignore him, he will depart from you."

Source: Al-Jawāb Al-Kāfī 1/157

📖 Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "O young men, if you are able to support a wife, get married. Verily, it lowers the gaze and guards chastity. Whoever is not able to do so, he must fast as it will restrain his passions (desires)."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 1806, Sahih Muslim 1400

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Note: Importance Of Respecting One's Parents In Islam

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 It is sad to know that some Muslims ensure they're always kind to their friends, neighbors and colleagues yet they have neglected their duties of respecting and taking care of their parents. A number of those who have embraced Islam seem so harsh to other Muslims who don't appear to be doing the same religious tasks they do so they label this as "ikhwaani" and that one "madkhali" yet they haven't even bothered sharing Allah's Message with their own parents. They excel at correcting people's mistakes and ensuring their friends remain upon the correct 'Aqeedah while they leave their parents behind not understanding yet what Islam is about. Their parents are much more deserving to know the truth than total strangers and passersby.

It is also strange how someone can speak to their friends, co-workers and students kindly yet they have the audacity to insult and raise their voices at the persons who raised them since they were born. 

If you want to evaluate how actually good a person's character is, carefully take note of how they deal with their mother and father. You can't expect loyalty, respectful treatment and trust from somebody who is obnoxiously disrespectful to the ones who brought them up, and who sees no shame in committing one of the major sins that Allah the Most Just prohibited namely disrespecting one's parents.

🌻 Allah the Almighty says: "Your Rabb (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be good towards your parents. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of annoyance (even as minor as disrespectfully saying "uff") and do not repel them, but rather speak to them a noble word. Lower to them the wing of humility for them, out of mercy, and say: 'My Rabb (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala), have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.'" [Surah Al-Israa 17:23-24]

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man asked the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Your father.”

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5626

Sahih Muslim 2548 Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abdullah ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "The one who keeps good relations with his family is not the one who reciprocates the good done to him. Rather, the one who keeps good relations with his family is the one who continues to be good to them despite having been cut off by them."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5645

Grade: Sahih

Tips: Can We Be Fair With All Of Our Friends?

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📜 Question: How can I be fair with all of my friends?

📝 Answer: Since Allah the Almighty created everyone differently and not all of our friends have the exact same goals, interests and personality, it is impossible to be completely fair with each one of them. There will be some friends that we like more than others, because we find them more relatable, compatible and similar to us in many ways than the others. We hang out with certain friends more frequently than with others because they live nearer to us, they're more accessible, more available, and there is no conflict in our busy schedules, so meeting up with them or going on regular outings together is a lot easier than with the other friends. Our love for specific friends is also stronger when we've known them for a longer period, we're more used to each other, and we don't see each other as strangers. Another reason why we click better with some friends more than other acquaintances is we communicate and interact with them more regularly than with those who aren't close to us yet, while the feelings of care, support and respect are mutual. The friendship isn't one-sided at all, and no one is secretly jealous of the other.

You can try your best to be fair with all of your friends by making sure you always respond to their Salaams upon seeing them. If you're in a social gathering, make sure you greet everyone you're familiar with and you don't deliberately ignore anyone in the meeting.

You can be fair by preventing yourself from lying to your friends, from betraying and backbiting. All of these friends whom you love for Allah's sake should be treated with good character and courteous manners as much as possible, regardless if you've been friends with them since you were in high school or you've just met this year. Maintain a cheerful disposition and smile in their presence. Smiling doesn't make you fake nor artificial, but it displays confidence, shows you're approachable and it's a good deed that can be counted as a charity or sadaqah which any Muslim can do for the sake of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.

When your friends seek advice, give them the most helpful tips you can, even if providing assistance may lead them to becoming more successful at a field, say school or business, than you. If you have the ability to fulfill the rights of each of your friends, then do so. When invited to a friend's wedding, try to attend. If you're unable to witness their special occasion, at least congratulate them, send a loving message or mention them in a heartfelt Du'a/supplication.

If you hear news that a friend was confined in a hospital, visit them for Allah's sake, and if you can't be there to see them personally, at least text them and pray for them.

If three of your friends are getting married on the same date but at different wedding venues, you can attend all three weddings very briefly to accept the wedding invitation, or you can go to the wedding of the friend who is most closest to you, while you send gifts and congratulations to the other friends.

Being fair with all of your friends doesn't mean you spend time with each one equally and you provide every friend the exact same amount of attention as the others, but you strive to deal with them with good character, trying your best to never offend them and if you do you're strong enough to apologize and compensate for any wrong, and if ever they disappoint you, you're willing to understand their side and forgive for Allah's sake with lots of Sabr.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The souls are like conscripted soldiers. They come together upon what they recognize, and they differ upon what they reject."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 3109, Sahih Muslim 2638

📖 Abu Ishaq RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The best of what a believing man can be given is good character, and the worst of what a man can be given is an evil heart with a beautiful appearance."

Source: Muṣannaf Ibn Abī Shaybah 24747

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Mu’adh Ibn Jabal RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Allah the Almighty said: 'Those who love each other for the sake of My Glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.'"

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhī 2390

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

Tips: Types Of Wives You May Encounter In Polygyny

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Eleven kinds of co-wives you may encounter if you are in a polygynous marriage:

1] The one who is in denial that she's in polygyny, and she emphasizes a lot online and offline how her husband is hers only. She accepts you being a co-wife but she likes to think she's the husband's favorite.

2] The one who's younger than you and mainly respects you because of your age. Sometimes you can't tell if it's an insult or a compliment that she calls you "atty (elder sister)".

3] The one who feels jealously threatened by your younger age and may assume that the husband you both share loves you more than her.

4] The one who acts as if you don't exist, who can't acknowledge your presence or who's okay with you being her co-wife as long as you abstain from communication.

5] The nosy or subtly competitive one who wants to know as much as she can about how your husband and hers treat you. If she discovers you and the man you both love went to a certain restaurant, she demands that she also goes there to ensure there's complete fairness and equal treatment.

6] The friendly, genuinely caring and understanding one who doesn't mind giving her share of time with the husband to you or who rarely complains if the hubby seems to like you more. 

7] The one who acknowledges that you are her husband's other wife yet she prefers to not get too close to you, while she has her own squad of friends who are likewise not interested in getting too close to you because you're "the other woman" of their friend's husband.

8] The helpful and generous one who's clearly competing with you in terms of righteousness, who tries to help you with your house chores, visits frequently, takes care of your kids, invites you to Islamic lectures, occasionally goes shopping with you, and trains herself to not get jealous of you at all.

9] The one who's busily looking for another wife (preferably from her supportive friends) for the man you both love. So instead of him being married to two wives, he can be wed to three or four not necessarily so they can all team up against you but to increase the family size, and so she and the new wife can encourage each other to be patient whenever their husband is with you.

10] The contented, clever and patient one who understands the virtues of marriage for Allah's sake, patience and polygyny. Whenever you and the man you both love get into an argument, she encourages him to forgive you and allows him to spend extra time with you if you're unwell or you recently delivered a baby.

11] The sneaky and insecure one who does whatever she can to succeed in encouraging her husband to leave you. Wives of this sort usually resort to black magic, witchcraft and sorcery (a major sin which every Muslim must stay away from) so the love between you and your husband gradually decreases.

Remember to shield yourself by trusting Allah the Almighty at all times, reading from the Noble Qur'an regularly, as well as saying lots of Adhkaar and Du'as.

💚 Note: Understand that your husband's other wife (or wives) is part of the family and it is important in Islam to treat your relatives as well as you can, or at least avoid purposely causing any harm to them, particularly if they are Muslims who pray to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and they're eager to enter Jannah with you.

There's no need to regard your co-wife as a competition concerning worldly matters when you should be focusing on trying to be the best version of yourself as an ideal Muslim wife for Allah's sake. 

The successful wife in a polygynous marriage isn't the one who receives the most gifts, romantic gestures, or quality time with the husband, but she's the one who is most patient and most contented with what Allah the Most Wise legalized for financially capable and responsible Muslim men.

📖 Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “The best wealth is a tongue that remembers Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife to help one in his faith.”

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3094

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 ‘Urwah reported: Aisha, may Allah RadhiAllahu 'anha said, "I never felt so jealous about any woman as I did for Khadijah (RadhiAllahu 'anha). She had died three years before I married the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam. I heard him mentioning her so often, and Allah ordered him to give her glad tidings of her palace in Paradise made of reeds. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam would slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5658

Sahih Muslim 2435

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.”

Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 4252

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abdullah ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife.”

Source: Sahih Muslim 1467

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim