💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
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🗒️ Question: There are three Muslimahs whom I used to talk to a lot during lunch break at our workplace and we used to regularly chat online in our free time. After a silly argument we've had, I noticed that they became visibly aloof towards me. Instead of enjoying meaningful conversations for more than ten minutes, they'd speak to me with very curt statements, no longer asking me how I'm doing and whatnot. Although I've apologized to them thrice and they reassured that they have no hard feelings against me, it's obvious they don't welcome me to their circle. I miss the lengthy discussions we enjoyed about our similar interests.
What advice can you share with those whose former friends decline reconciliation?
📝 Answer: 1] As a Muslimah, Alhamdulillah, always strive to patiently accept Allah's Qadr/Destiny. Maybe Allah the Almighty didn't decree that you and those three colleagues would reconcile for their own safety and/or to shield you from some sort of fitna.
If a chef decides to separate certain vegetables and spices from each other while cooking several dishes, you can't instruct him to mix all the ingredients together if he intends to prepare a special meal for a significant event.
2] Courageously acknowledge that you've made a mistake which those three coworkers find challenging to move on from. Learn from your errors, particularly if wrong decisions lead to undesirable outcomes, and train yourself to become wiser for Allah's sake every time you apply a new life lesson.
3] Thoughtfully imagine if you were in their situation. You probably would likewise stop being close with someone who proved to be terribly dishonest, self-entitled and unreliable.
Be grateful Alhamdulillah that you at least mustered up the courage to say you're sorry, specially before Ramadan and Yawmul Qiyaamah Day of Resurrection.
4] Understand that we can never force people to feel specific emotions. We can't control how others perceive us and we cannot remove or alleviate a person's distress if they choose to remain offended by our misconduct, or their disappoinment with us prevents them from wanting to reconstruct a connection with one whom they believe acted unjustly and betrayed their trust.
There's no comfort in drinking from a broken glass which fell too many times, while the cracks bring back unpleasant memories. Why bother acting like you're besties with an untrustworthy individual who makes you feel stupid (for wrongly assuming you could rely on them) whenever they're present?
5] Continue maintaining your integrity and dignified manners for Allah's sake even towards those whom you're not closely affiliated with anymore.
Inn-sha-Allah the empty spaces which ex-friends or strangers left behind can be rightly reserved for genuinely sincere souls who are more deserving of your care and support.
What's important Alhamdulillah is that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala loves us, and we avoid behaving like untruthful oppressors.
~•~
📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith (Imaan)."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4681
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is not stung twice from the same hole."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5782
Sahih Muslim 2998
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe (not guilty of backbiting, telling lies, and deliberately committing injustice). The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah the Almighty) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."
Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The souls are like conscripted soldiers. They come together upon what they recognize, and they differ upon what they reject."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 3109
Sahih Muslim 2638
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
Al-Nawawi said, "When bodies meet in the world, they come together or differ according to how they were created. The righteous will incline to the righteous, and the evil will incline to the evil."
Source: Sharh Al-Nawawī ‘alá Sahih Muslim 2638
