Note: Can An INTJ Be Friendly?

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📜 Question: As a Muslim whose MBTI personality type is INTJ, how friendly are you?

📝 Answer: I would say "selectively" friendly. Generally I'm polite with people, Muslims and non-Muslims, as long as an individual didn't do anything which proved that they're untrustworthy and too toxic to talk to. 

I could describe myself as "kind" in the sense that:  

1] ...If I have a lot of something which I know others would enjoy, I'd be willing to share some of it without wanting anything specific in return. 

2] ...If a person and I both want the same thing, say an item at a store or opportunity at work, I'd let them have it if I believe that they're much more deserving of it than I am. 

3] ...If I noticed that somebody, loved one or stranger, fell or slipped on the ground, I'd ask them "are you okay?" or hopefully minimize the embarrassment by saying something like "Oops! Careful!" or "the same thing happened to me before" instead of obnoxiously laughing at them. If I'm in a hurry and too busy to interact with them, I'd walk forward even faster and behave as if I didn't notice their fall so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable due to somebody staring. 

4] ...If I'm at a social event with some family or acquaintances, and a guest nearby doesn't have anybody at all to chat with, I'd probably strike up a conversation if I sense they won't get bothered by me asking several questions, with an aim to become acquainted with them. 

5] ...After dining at a restaurant or residence of a relative or friend, I'd do what I can to tidy up and arrange some of the dishes if doing so distracts me from unwillingly participating in futile gossip and aimless conversations. 

6] ...Now and then I'd greet another Muslim of the same gender with "salaam alaikum", unless they appear too distracted or too busy to respond. 

7] ...Sometimes I would go out of my way to defend another human if they require backup and assistance. 

I may often look "unfriendly" or "unapproachable" to some individuals if: 

1] ...I'm too engrossed in trying to complete a task that I'd avoid chatting unnecessarily online and offline. Some may assume that I'm deliberately ignoring them when that's not the case.

2] ...I've lost interest in wanting to befriend a particular individual after realizing how untruthful and unreliable they are. Interviewing them further about themselves and their goals in life would be pointless since a lot of their statements consist of blatant lies. 

3] ...If I believe that having dialogues with so-and-so is meaningless and there are other more worthwhile activities to focus on than have lengthy discussions with someone who can't inspire me to become a better Muslim. 

❎ From the actions which many INTJs refuse to do: 

1] Concealing the truth and sugarcoating a statement to spare people's feelings, when frank feedback is essential to achieve a goal. 

2] Giving insincere compliments to those whom they don't really gravitate towards. 

3] Consistently distributing freebies and souvenirs after arriving from a trip to all of the individuals whom they're familiar with. 

4] Spending a large amount of money on buying gifts for those whom they don't regard as actual friends. 

5] Cancelling assignments or postponing projects to casually socialize with people whose values evidently oppose theirs.

~•~ 

📖 Abu Dharr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Fear Allah wherever you are, follow a bad deed with a good deed and it will erase it, and behave well with good character towards the people."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1987

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to At-Tirmidhi 

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe. The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for one who leaves arguments even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lies even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character excellent."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4800

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is friendly, for there is no goodness in one who is neither friendly, nor befriended."

Source: Musnad Ahmed 8945

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Arna'ut 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/04/poem-five-signs-youre-muslim-empath-who.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/poem-definition-of-kindness.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/poem-what-is-good-character.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/poem-what-it-means-to-be-mature.html 

~•~

https://personalitygrowth.com/heres-how-friendly-you-are-according-to-your-personality-type/ 

https://personalitygrowth.com/intj-empathy-how-well-the-intj-empathizes-with-others/

~•~

📝 To discover what your MBTI type is, you're welcome to take these tests:

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new

http://www.michaelcaloz.com/personality/ 

Links: PDF Documents (From Allah's Names And Attributes. Morning And Evening Adhkaar) Compiled By Abu Talhah Dawud Burbank

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

Two PDF documents compiled by Abu Talhah Dawud Burbank (May Allah the Almighty have mercy on him and his wife, accept their good deeds and make them among the people of Jannatul Ferdaus. Ameen.)

📁 PDF document - From the Names and Attributes of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1M_G6cexDqjRxCkcy21PuCPvfEKJPHj-4/view?usp=drivesdk

~•~

🗂️ PDF document - Morning and evening Adhkaar: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MZLfmPXVwWTFROxUeQ4bXiMMRCQZ-Axo/view?usp=drivesdk

Tips: Some Advice On How To Deal With Feeling Rejected, Excluded And Left Out

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

🗒️ Some tips on how to deal with occasionally feeling excluded, rejected and left out: 

➡️ Example: When you're one of the few who were uninvited to attend a social event, when some acquaintances get up from their seats as soon as you sit next to them, when members of a group chat seem to be unresponsive to your messages yet they're communicative with one another, when some peers make it clear that they don't feel comfortable with you joining in their discussions, and when some toxic "friends" are pulling an "ignoring you" prank to see how you'd react or check if you're tough enough to join their "special" circle etc. 

✅ How to deal: 

1] Cleverly analyze the motives and current circumstances of those people who are going out of their way to make you feel left out. Are they rejecting you on purpose? Are they so insecure that they feel the need to get back at you for not inviting them to an outing which you enjoyed some time ago? Or do they assume that they'd be disturbing you by inviting you because you've rejected their invitations in the past and such sensitive persons don't want to go through another unpleasant round of being disappointed? 

If some individuals are deliberately excluding you from their gatherings, confidently respect their decision to not welcome you, knowing that we can't force any human being to like us if we're obviously too different, and have enough self-respect to walk away from places where you're mistreated. If they actually forgot to invite you, especially if there were so many loved ones and guests whom they had to prioritize or financial struggles prevented them from being able to contact all those whom they're acquainted with, then have the courage to let them know that while you're happy they had a good time, you'd appreciate it if they invite you in the future to participate in any (halal / lawful) joyous occasion. Or simply accept the fact, with rewarding patience, that it's not from Allah's Qadr / Destiny for you to attend such gatherings. Why worry too much about things which Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala didn't and doesn't destine? 

2] Recall at least one instance when you purposely didn't allow a particular individual or number of individuals to join you for an activity. There must've been a valid reason behind your choice to not include them. Expert mountaineers wouldn't be okay with toddlers and newbies accompanying them for mountaineering, particularly if the latter are not properly equipped nor trained to climb tall mountains. Females who aren't strong enough to be in a polygynous marriage would do whatever they can to avoid befriending women who are fine with polygyny, each of them fearing that her spouse may remarry if he notices them being buddies with somebody who's not the only legal wife of her husband. 

When you're fully aware of the real reason why some people treat you in confounding ways, you'd be less prone to having your feelings hurt because you know that if you had their emotional immaturity, problems or inferiority complex issues, you'd probably act dismissive and rude to others in the same way they acted discourteous towards you. 

3] Keep yourself busy with more worthwhile, productive and beneficial deeds. If you're in a large hall where all the attendees besides yourself have groups of individuals to talk to and all cliques appear to be uninterested in what you can offer, confidently remain contented and grateful that at least you still have Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala Who always listens to you, and actually do something meaningful to distract yourself from self-pity. Read some verses from a Qur'an application on your android phone, enhance your faith/Imaan by reading more Ahadith / authentic sayings of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam, or browse around some useful articles and PDF documents you've downloaded, or watch some Islamic and educational videos until it's time to leave the social event, or say Dhikr and Du'a while patiently waiting for the next task. 

Never entertain negative thoughts about yourself just because some unhappy souls want you to be as miserable as they are through excluding you from their cliques. Visualize being a lion that refuses to doubt its value just because a swarm of flies and mosquitoes didn't send it an invitation to take part in their assignment of flying around garbage.

~•~

📖 'Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "When you are three persons sitting together, then no two of you should hold secret counsel excluding the third person until you are with some other people too, for that would grieve him." 

Reference: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6290

In-book reference: Book 79, Hadith 62

USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 8, Book 74, Hadith 305 

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe. The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/poem-when-youre-contented-with-allahs.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/10/tips-on-dealing-with-adult-bullying.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-five-signs-of-emotionally.html 

Hadith: Glad Tidings To The Strangers Among The Minority Who Strive To Obey Allah The Almighty And His Noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Islam began as something strange and it will return to being strange, so Tooba (or glad tidings) to the strangers."

Source: Sahih Muslim 145

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

📖 Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: A man said to the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam him, “What is Tooba (The Noble Qur'an 13:29)?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "It is a tree in Paradise as wide as a hundred years of travel. The clothes of the people of Paradise will come from its leaves."

Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 7573

Grade: Sahih li ghayrihi according to Al-Albani

https://youtu.be/MAIjrWP53NU