💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful
📜 Question: Regardless of your MBTI personality type, how do you choose your friends, or when would you consider somebody as a "good friend"?
📝 Answer: As an introvert (INTJ) I generally don't walk around actively or desperately searching for friends. I believe that it's possible
Inn-sha-Allah to thrive in both worlds without numerous long-lasting friendships, particularly if not every individual whom you're destined to meet can be regarded as completely honest and reliable. I also don't wait nor yearn for anybody to interact with me several times until they reach the point when we both consider each other as "friends".
Alhamdulillah I'd say that while I have a lot of acquaintances of various tribes and nationalities, only a small number of them are individuals whose personal lives I genuinely care about for Allah's sake and out of that select few there could be less than a handful whom I'd regard as actual friends even if they probably perceive me as merely an acquaintance.
How do I select my friends? Definitely not at random and not according to similarity. Just because someone is around my age, wears the niqaab when outdoors, can speak English fluently, was born in Saudi Arabia like I was or they enjoy writing poetry occasionally, it doesn't mean that I'll automatically become enthusiastic about befriending them, as if my main mission in life is to gather as many clones or carbon copies as I can to form some kind of battalion.
What I'd usually do if I must categorize people is I would disqualify a person from being a "potential friend" once they've done any of these:
1] if they deliberately lied to me more than once.
2] if they caused me to waste time doing something pointless, absurd or unproductive more than once. And if they ignorantly insist that I indulge in bid'ah or polytheistic acts.
3] if they're boring conversationalists online and offline, if they don't know how to have deep conversations, if you feel as though you're tediously interviewing or investigating them whenever you attempt to have a meaningful dialogue.
4] if I overheard them cowardly backbiting about me or criticizing any of my loved ones, especially my dear husband.
5] if we've known each other's names for more than five years but so far neither of us have taken the initiative to spend time together outdoors at least twice.
6] if they regularly show signs of nervousness or discomfort whenever they speak with me, as though they're guilty of something and trying to conceal it.
7] if they have a tendency to act overly emotional and passive-aggressive, if they've complained to any of my relatives about me instead of discussing the problem with me directly - I'd regard the snitch as someone whom I can't trust anymore because any information I try to share with them could be misconstrued.
I'd consider someone as a friend if:
1] I openly make effort to support their halal business or hobbies whenever I can online and/or offline.
2] I don't feel bored asking them questions about themselves and their interests etc.
3] I oftentimes go out of my way to visit them (at least once a year), send them a message (at least once every three months or so) or ask for their advice.
Trying to maintain connection with lots of people can drain your energy if you're an introvert. So don't be surprised if some introverts aren't very likable or approachable, specifically if amassing fans or supporters isn't one of our primary goals.
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📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
📖 Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu said: "A righteous companion is better than loneliness, and loneliness is better than an evil companion. A good writer is better than one silent, and one silent is better than an evil writer."
Source: Rawdat Al-‘Uqalā 56
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