Tips: Advice On How To Avoid Feeling So Insecure About One's Appearance

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

🗒️ Question: What advice can you give to those who feel insecure about their general appearance, who dislike how their teeth look, or who know they're not very good-looking when compared to their siblings, cousins or acquaintances? 

📝 Answer: 1] As a Muslim, Alhamdulillah, strive to be patient and contented with how Allah the Almighty designed you. Recall that our main goal in life is to serve and please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, not His servants, regardless of our looks. 

2] Understand that many of those supposedly "flawless" and attractive celebrities and social media influencers went through cosmetic surgery and/or spent large amounts of money on modifying their appearance, which shows they're either arrogantly discontented with how Allah the Most Wise created them or they are actually so unconfident that they feel compelled to alter their looks to cowardly avoid criticism from society. Be grateful Alhamdulillah that you don't have their kibr / arrogance, despicable attachment to this fleeting dunya, or low self-esteem.

3] Quit consistently comparing yourself to other people, particularly if those individuals are not guided by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala yet to the truth Islam. Whenever shaytan wants you to become upset so your faith / Imaan level can decrease (many Muslims usually feel less eager to do good deeds for Allah's sake when their level of faith / Imaan is low), especially after you've noticed how others seem to surpass you in certain aspects, disappoint shaytan by thanking Allah the Most Loving for all the favors, gifts and blessings which He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala chose to bestow upon you, such as being blessed with at least one parent or loved one who cares about you as well as the ability to read from the Noble Qur'an in Arabic language. 

4] Know that physical attractiveness alone will not guarantee true happiness and success in both worlds. A lot of females worldwide whom many societies would describe as "beautiful", "gorgeous" and "cute" may actually be very unhappy and depressed on the inside, specifically if they don't have a meaningful purpose, and our main goal in life is to worship Only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, despite how we look. 

5] A person isn't truly beautiful if their heart is tainted by unpleasant feelings including jealousy and resentment against anybody whose qualities or achievements (granted by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) trigger them to feel "inferior" or "inadequate". Thank Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala for granting you better self-awareness and realization that faith / Imaan, sincerity / Ikhlaas, dignified manners, patiently striving for Jannah Paradise, and inner beauty are much more important than desperately seeking people's admiration for a pretty face. 

6] Realize that any person who calls you "ugly" or claims that you look unattractive is in reality insecure and emotionally wounded from within. Genuinely confident people don't walk around bullying others, acting like egotistical snobs, and spreading bad vibes. 

7] Firmly believe that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala already selected the souls who can get along with you and who'll love you for His sake beyond your overall appearance.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way to not belittle the favors of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala)."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6125 

Sahih Muslim 2963

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) looks at your hearts and actions."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2564

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/07/note-on-inner-beauty-and-trying-to-look.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/note-ways-to-answer-someone-who-calls.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/poem-ways-to-react-when-told-youre-ugly.html 

Note: Some Advantages Of Wearing The Niqab

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 Alhamdulillah the first time I wore the niqab with black hijab and abaya was in sixth grade, back in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. I was around twelve years old, a hardworking student at a Saudi public school that had classes with several sections for each grade level and every classroom consisted of almost sixty or so girls. You can imagine how crowded it was during recess and assembly time.

Not to brag but Alhamdulillah I think the fact I was one of the top ten students in class shows how ambitious I was in my studies, especially as the only Filipino student among Saudi and other Arab girls. Anyhow, in the beginning I wasn't confident wearing the niqab to be honest. I wore it because I had to, because my dear mom (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) who used to do Da'wah at Daar Adh-Dhikr and WAMY (World Assembly Of Muslim Youth) ordered me to wear the niqab, because it was part of the school's dress code when outdoors and because I was a resident in Saudi Arabia at that time, so I figured hey if you're in Saudi, veil your face like the majority of women do.

When we traveled abroad outside Saudi Arabia, like to Malaysia and Singapore, there were numerous instances when my nafs would want to discard the niqab as I didn't like the stares which some of the foreign tourists often gave when they'd walk by me. My dear father (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) was less strict concerning veiling the face. So he told me I could stop wearing the niqab if I wanted to, even though my Mom insisted on it.

At a hotel in Malaysia I recall not wearing the niqab for only few minutes though, when I didn't like how some guys and others, probably French or so because of the dialect I overheard them talking, kept staring at me much more than when I had the niqab on. An odd aspect of wearing niqab is once you wear it for a long time and decide to take it off, there's this tiny speck of guilty conscience that scolds you with statements like "What are you doing? Put the niqab back on! Your face feels like there's something missing. This doesn't feel right. Wear the niqab now, and do it for Allah, not for the people." Thus I wore the niqab again feeling better, while still feeling somewhat self-conscious whenever strangers would stare or laugh at how I was dressed all in black like a "ninja".

So when we returned to Riyadh city, I continued doing some thorough research on the legislation of covering the face by Muslim women. At the same time I used to watch this Live Fatawa program on Saudi Channel 1 and occasionally send messages through e-mail and the classic fax machine, asking if wearing the niqab was Sunnah or Wajib/Fardh/obligatory. Many of the answers by the sheikhs, one of them being the Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Abdul-Aziz Abdullah Aal Ash-Sheikh, similarly agreed upon the fact that the wives of the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and his female companions (many of the sahabiyyaat) used to cover their faces in the presence of non-mahram men (maybe not with a niqab but with a portion of their cloak or jilbab they were wearing so only a small part of their eyes could be seen). Even during Hajj, if a female Hajj pilgrim should not wear the separate piece niqab, this is evident that in other circumstances when she's not performing Hajj, a Muslimah is expected to have her face covered.

Whether you hold the opinion that wearing niqab is obligatory or you believe it's just recommended and voluntary, without a doubt there are myriad benefits of Muslim women not showing their faces to non-mahram men in a Muslim community. For instance, husbands in general would appreciate the beauty of their wives more as they're not exposed to the wide variety of pretty faces, while women dressed modestly wouldn't be seen as cheap objects enslaved by the fashion industry or the constant urge to appear attractive.

Alhamdulillah another thing that helped me with my self-esteem is habitually reading motivational articles online on how not to care at all about what people think. Furthermore when we realize that Allah the Almighty is the Only One Who can rightfully judge us in this temporal world and the next, the ignorant mockery, irrational insults or criticism of the ignorant can't make us feel devalued and upset.

The niqab isn't worn to showcase we're better than hijabis or non-hijabis, but it's one of the noble steps that a Muslimah can take to be closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, and so her level in Jannah is elevated for striving to pass Allah's different levels of tests.

May Allah the Most Merciful forgive all our sins, accept our good deeds and guide us to what is best for us in both worlds. Ameen.

📖 'Urwah reported: Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha said, “May Allah have mercy on the foremost women of the Muhaajirun. When Allah revealed the verse, ‘Let them draw their cloaks over their bodies,’ (The Noble Qur'an 24:31) they cut their sheets and veiled themselves with them.”

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 4481

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-wear-niqab-for-allah-as-dutiful.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-my-brief-niqab-story-to-inspire.html 

http://www.muhajabah.com/niqabdalils.htm

🗒️ Note: Reminder to recite Surah Al-Kahf every Jumuah Friday, include the Muslim Ummah in your Du'as and to fast Sunnah fasting on 9th and 10th of Muharram, or 10th and 11th of Muharram (August 7 and 8 Sunday and Monday or August 8 and 9 Monday and Tuesday, 2022).

Tips: Eleven Ways To Respond To "Nobody Likes You"

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📝 Eleven ways to respond to a delusional narcissist or jealous bully who claims "nobody loves you. Why don't you do the world a favor and kill yourself?" 

1] Is that your name, "Nobody"? Or is that your parent's name? Because I'm not interested in "Nobody".

2] FYI (for your information), I'm not a mirror. Deliver those words of affirmation to your reflection someplace else, please. 

3] Are you talking to me? What makes you so certain that I value your nonsensical statements and irrational opinions? 

4] You say that as though you're aware of how every single living being on earth thinks and feels. Quit acting as if you are omnipotent. Stop overestimating yourself. It's not attractive. 

5] So by stating that, are you training yourself to be the next Adolf Hitler? If so, that would make you an imbecile. You should be ashamed of yourself.  

6] Why are you terribly concerned about me being liked or disliked by people? Are you that infatuated with me? If so, the feeling is not mutual. 

7] Is that the title of your future autobiography? It's ludicrously lengthy.

8] And? Are you going to grant me a million dollars or the world's treasures if I act as though your empty words mean anything to me? 

9] Are you sure you know me? The only thing you prove by saying such nonsense is your absolute ignorance or lack of good manners. I feel sorry for you, that your parents failed at bringing you up well. 

10] Is that your special mantra which you tell yourself on a regular basis? No wonder you're morally pathetic. 

11] Am I supposed to award you with a certificate that congratulates you on being "the most obnoxious and unethical person on earth"? You print it yourself. 

~•~

Confidently staying silent or indifferent to a bully's offensive jokes, while seeking Allah's Guidance, could be a wiser and more effective reaction. The less you pay attention to what your enemies babble about you, the more inner strength and calm you obtain, and 

Inn-sha-Allah you receive rewards for striving to have patience with insecure individuals who are at war with themselves.

~•~

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith (Imaan)." 

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4681

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albaani 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/07/tips-how-to-deal-with-envious.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/10/tips-some-ways-to-cope-with-bosses.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-three-tips-on-how-not-to-be-overly.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/03/note-intjs-bullying-and-some-tips-on.html 

https://personalitygrowth.com/heres-how-easily-offended-each-personality-type-actually-is/

Note: On Maintaining Good Manners Even With Non-Muslims

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📝 Since being born and raised in Saudi Arabia, I never had an actual non-Muslim friend or acquaintance who I was close to. In one of the international schools I studied, I had a Russian classmate who wasn't Muslim that time. I recall an incident when I went inside our classroom I greeted my Arab classmates then upon reaching her my instant reaction was to simply pat her head and smile, because back then I thought that handshakes are only allowed between Muslims of the same gender. However I gave her a reluctant handshake when she confronted me saying 'Mariam! You shook all of their hands but you just patted me on the head? I'm not a puppy.'

Still ignorantly having some wrong assumptions, when we moved to the Philippines, in the beginning I behaved distant and aloof towards non-Muslims in general. So one time I had a petty argument with my husband when he wanted to offer some drinks and biscuits to the laborers (construction workers) who were hired to work for us. I told my husband we didn't need to give them any snacks since they're not even Muslims. He said they're humans and we should be kind enough to feed them. That's one of the reasons why I love him for Allah's sake, he has taught me to be more tolerant and understanding. Alhamdulillah the more we learn from our mistakes and by observing others' positive actions, whether Muslim or non-Muslim, the more we can apply our lessons learned and deal with others more tactfully so genuine seekers of truth would be more interested in learning about Islam. The beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam will always be the best example for us to follow, especially since he was a mercy sent from Allah the Almighty to all of mankind.

If a non-Muslim greets us with the salaam, we respond with "wa alaikum" meaning "and to you" instead of giving them no response. After receiving our items and paying at the cashier's counter, we can say 'thank you' or 'salamat' rather than walking away without saying a single word. If one of the staff kindly assisted you in carrying your goods and calling for a taxi, give them a tip, even 15 or 20 pesos, with Allah's Will, can soften their hearts and make them view Muslims in general more positively. When traveling by plane and it so happens your seatmate is a non-Muslim, start a friendly chat with them until you open a dialogue, not debate, about an introduction to Islam. If you encounter non-Muslim beggars on the streets, give them some money or something they can eat. If you have extra money, tell the shopkeeper or taxi/pedicab driver to keep the change. Not many of them earn sufficient salary to help their needy families, so that additional payment you offer can bring a smile to their face. Some of them may want to research on Islam after being impressed by your generosity. Good manners in Islam aren't exclusive for those believers whom we like, but it's treating everyone as fairly as we can, even with those whom we may dislike. Showing others respect doesn't oblige us to agree with all of their ideologies, but we demonstrate respect by respecting ourselves enough to maintain good ethics, staying away from behaving like tyrannical bullies who act rude when overcome by envy or feelings of insecurity.

As Muslims Alhamdulillah, if some of us can't conduct Islamic seminars and religious classes regularly, the least we could do is to do Da'wah indirectly through striving to maintain noble manners taught by the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam who dealt with everyone he met wisely and mercifully. 

~•~

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe (not guilty of backbiting, telling lies, and deliberately committing injustice). The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah the Almighty) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-how-to-deal-with-non-muslims-as.html 

https://abukhadeejah.com/how-to-conduct-oneself-with-the-jews-christians-others-even-if-they-be-tyrants/

Poem: To My Dear Maternal Aunt, Thank You For All Your Gifts And Sympathy

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 Dear auntie Ino, aunt 'Aisha, in her seventies, 

Some loving words from me Mariam, your maternal niece 

Who likes to ask questions and is fine if she seems weird, 

And who, like you, has strength to welcome polygyny: 

Thank you, dear aunt, for your gifts, advice and sympathy. 

~•~

Thank you, beloved aunt 'Aisha, for indirectly 

Teaching me how to deal with people more tactfully, 

For inspiring me to trust Allah the Almighty 

And to increase one's good deeds like fasting frequently, 

Praying Tahajjud, and often doing charity. 

~•~

Alhamdulillah, through you I've learned that bravery

Doesn't need to be loud, practicing humility 

Augments inner joy and proves genuine self-esteem, 

And even if most loved ones showcase hostility, 

As long as Allah always hears us, we're not lonely. 

~•~

Dear auntie Ino, we've enjoyed your sweet company, 

For not serving enough dishes I'm truly sorry, 

Even my husband witnesses that I can't really

Cook well and I too admit that my culinary

Skills are lousy. Thank you for staying patient with me.

~•~

Dear aunt, may Allah make you from those with whom He's Pleased, 

Accept your righteous actions done with sincerity, 

Grant you a better home in Jannah with endless peace, 

Guide your kids back to serving Allah devotedly, 

And keep us firm upon the right 'Aqeedah / belief. Ameen.

~•~ 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives except that Allah increases his honor, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises his status."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2588, Grade: Sahih 

📖 Jubayr Ibn Mut'im RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The one who severs his family ties will not enter Paradise."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5638, Sahih Muslim 2556 

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

📖 Ibn Umar RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, which of the believers is best?” The Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Those with the best character.” The man said, “Which of the believers is the wisest?” The Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Those who remember death often and have best prepared for it with good deeds; those are the wisest."

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4259

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Albani 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/07/poem-to-receive-allahs-mercy-dont-cut.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/note-patience-with-our-relatives.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/04/poem-warning-against-purposely-cutting.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/poem-note-to-my-relatives-wherever-they.html