Note: Tips For Future Second Wives

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📜 Question: I'm about to get married to a good Muslim man who already has a wife and kids. What are some tips that you can give to me as my husband's second wife?

📝 Answer: 1) Always purify your niyyah/intention before doing any action. The purpose of marrying this man shouldn't be to replace his first wife, prove you're much better than her or become a homewrecker. Accept this polygynous marriage life to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, to complete the other half of your Deen and to aspire to become a more pious Muslimah by accepting Allah's Qadr with Sabr.

2) Maintain a strong connection with Allah the Almighty while saying lots of Du'as, frequently praying that Allah makes this loving journey worthwhile, rewarding and manageable.

3) Be willing to befriend your husband's first wife, regardless of whether she's your age, she's younger or a lot older. If in the beginning you can't get along easily, remain patient and still deal with her respectfully. Don't plan on acting like a jealous bully or insecure troublemaker.

4) Understand your husband's decision when he may oftentimes cancel plans, appointments and outings with you. There could be instances when he shows more attention to the first wife because she's pregnant or unwell at that time, a relative of hers died, or he wants to have a temporary break from you due to your bad habit of constantly nagging, scolding or complaining. When this occurs, push yourself to be strong enough to apologize for your mistakes or display sympathy.

Allah will Inn-sha-Allah reward you with much good for going through each trial patiently.

5) If the first wife deliberately tries to make you jealous, as in flaunting the jewelry that your husband and hers gave her on a certain date, or she enjoys showing off the romantic text messages which the husband you both love sent her, kindly explain to her that she needs to respect your boundaries. Agree with her that the man you mutually have passionate feelings for is amazing. However tell her that some of her actions or conduct can be insulting. Emphasize that since you, alongside with her, want to keep this polygynous marriage going, there are several things that she mustn't do as they could have a negative impact on this beautiful bond just as you're careful never to hurt her feelings.

6) When your husband and his first wife are arguing, instead of encouraging your spouse to divorce his first wife, try to encourage him to reconcile for Allah's sake so this family relation won't be broken. Not only will you earn more of Allah's Love for trying to save this marriage and for defeating your egoistic pride and selfish desires, but indirectly your husband's admiration for you shall increase and be further strengthened.

7) Treat the children of your husband's first wife well as if they were your own kids. Your children and their half siblings can benefit a lot from having a friendly connection with each other, especially if they do Da'wah cooperatively, become productive assets to the Muslim Ummah, and manage halal businesses in the future together. Instead of being accustomed to jealousy, insecurity and selfishness, your kids and your husband's children from the other wife/wives can appreciate and value unity, forgiveness, cooperation, patience and contentment with whatever Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala destines.  

8 ) Never assume that if your husband gave his first wife a gift which he didn't give you, you're not special to him. Realize that your co-wife is different in numerous ways from you. A man being fair with all his multiple wives doesn't mean he must give the exact same thing to each one, but he understands what every unique wife requires and his way of portraying love to his loved ones always comes with wisdom.

9) Don't see your husband's first wife as a threat or major source of competition. Instead, be content in loving the same man for Allah's sake and defeat shaytan in trying your best to make this marriage life a blessing which can raise your level or status in Jannah Paradise. Do whatever you can to preserve this special romance and work together with your co-wife to ensure it's protected from ending in separation.

📖 Umm Salamah RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah (Paradise)". [At-Tirmidhi]

Arabic/English book reference: Book 1 Hadith 286

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/note-seven-misconceptions-about.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/poem-confessions-of-wife-who-welcomes.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-some-advice-to-each-muslimah-whos.html

Note: A Good Muslim Man Who Respects His Mother Deserves Your Love And Loyalty For Allah's Sake

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 One fond memory I can't forget concerning my husband is that time when we, along with some relatives, were at the airport to fetch his mom who was arriving from Hajj. As my elderly mother-in-law was walking towards the car, my husband requested me to sit at the backseat instead of sitting beside him at the front like I usually do. I could've protested saying "But I want to sit near you! As husband and wife we should be right next to each other." but I didn't, as doing so would seem bratty, stubborn or laughably childish on my part. So Alhamdulillah I obeyed him, sat behind where he was driving and rested my hand on his left shoulder like I was massaging him softly during the drive.

💚 Three lessons learned regarding your husband and mother-in-law:

1▪ Just because your hubby has a close bond with the special person who gave birth to him doesn't mean he loves you less or your companionship isn't meaningful at all. Regardless of whether or not he is a mama's boy, try to appreciate the fact that he's doing a good deed in respecting his beloved parents. If you persist in succumbing to insecure feelings of jealousy, even with regards to his mother and father, there may be something wrong with you.

2▪ Maintaining good ties and friendliness with your husband's family, particularly his mother, can make him a lot more attracted to you. Although your spouse may not always show his sensual romance overtly, if he regularly sees you talking to his mom like you're best friends or catches you and his mother cooking together in the kitchen, or he passes by you sympathetically listening to her stories, despite not fully understanding all of them, he'd be having butterflies in his tummy giving him a rewind of what it feels like to have an intense crush again, as he adores you from a distance. Nonetheless spend time with your mother-in-law sincerely to gain extra rewards, rather than simply putting on an act to impress your husband.

3▪ Don't make it an issue if your husband isn't the passionately romantic type. Some men who grew up as boys with complicated upbringing or difficult student life are unable to demonstrate loving emotions as easily as other confident lovers can. Wives whose husbands showcase love in subtle ways instead of carrying out extremely grand gestures of devotion should strengthen the Muslim wives' patience, train her to remain grateful for Allah's sake and enhance her acceptance of whatever Allah the Almighty has destined.

A husband's love isn't necessarily proven in frequently buying you classic roses and expensive gifts, but in constantly thinking of you, having strong feelings for you, mentioning your name in his regular Du'as, complimenting you from time to time, and trusting you that you'll stay as his tough loyal wife who is courageously ready to forgive him and understand his side of the story, which only a few would care enough to know.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1159

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi

Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."

Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātih 5/2125 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-five-signs-that-youre-tough-wife.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-some-tips-to-be-your-husbands.html 

Tips: The Best Way To React When Some People Ignore Your Salaams?

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📜 Question: What is the best way to react to Muslims who regularly ignore your salaams? Can I stop greeting them with the salaam because I know they won't respond anyway? 

📝 Answer: Greet them again, in case they didn't hear your salaam clearly or they were distracted by an important task which they were busy doing while you walked in on them. Try not to get tempted to interrogate them with questions like, "Why aren't you responding? Are you deaf?", "You're Muslim, right? You understand some Arabic? Then why didn't you answer my salaam?" or "Do I need to use a loudspeaker or megaphone when greeting you?". 

🔹 Some of the reasons why a person may deliberately refrain from answering your salaam could be: 

1] They are innocently ignorant of the fact that it is a rewarding Sunnah to initiate greeting with the salaam and obligatory / mandatory to return a Muslim's salaam. 

2] They're so intimidated by your confident personality, and their nervousness or anxiety may be holding them back from answering you appropriately. 

3] They thought you were saying salaam to somebody else, whilst assuming they're not obliged to answer your salaam if at least one human being (or jinn) in the same room answered you. 

4] They probably weren't in a good mood. Maybe they were too worried, stressed out, or seriously distressed by another individual that they couldn't bring themselves to answer you. 

5] Although they may deny it, they despise returning your greetings because they're simply jealous of something you have which they lack, such as your good manners, strong faith/Imaan, and inner peace, or they perceive you as "plastic" or "artificially friendly", which only confirms they're struggling with some major insecurities. 

Continue spreading salaams and pleasant vibes for Allah's sake, even if not everyone on earth whom you encounter has your level of cheerfulness or eagerness to increase good deeds to please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. 

Let insecure individuals keep silently rolling their eyes with jealousy while you focus on maintaining your Islamic morals and integrity. Your Akhlaaq or Aadaab mustn't decrease due to some people's awful upbringing or misery. 

If a loved one, colleague, or stranger intentionally ignored your salaam, Alhamdulillah you still earn rewards for striving to follow the Sunnah of the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam. The recording Angels surrounding you and other Muslims may have also responded to your greeting, while your level of patience increased and your character is further strengthened.

~•~

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the best people to Allah are those who are the first to greet with peace."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 5197

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "When one of you arrives in a gathering, let him greet them with peace. When he intends to leave, let him depart with greetings of peace. The first greeting is not more worthy than the last."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 5208

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

📖 Ali Ibn Abi Talib RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A Muslim has six rights over another Muslim in good conduct: To greet him with peace when he meets him, to respond to his invitation, to respond to his sneeze, to visit him when he is sick, to follow his funeral prayer when he dies, and to love for him what he loves for himself."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2736

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Suyuti 

https://www.thenoblequran.com/q/#/sura/4/86

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/tips-some-notes-on-general-etiquettes.html 

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/13513/%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D9%85%D9%86-%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%8A%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D9%85%D9%86-%D9%8A%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%8A%D9%87 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/poem-forgive-haters-and-move-on.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-different-types-of-ignoring-and.html 

Note: Five Signs That You're Not A Gold-Digger While You're A True Blessing To Your Husband

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 Five signs that you're not a gold-digger while your husband is fortunate and blessed to have you as his wife:

1] When he gives or sends you your weekly or monthly allowance, you don't instantly react with "is that all? Why so kuripot, mahal?" but you genuinely thank him for trying his best to support his wife/wives and family. 

Of course if all he can give is twenty pesos a month or he consistently fails to meet your basic needs, try to kindly discuss your concerns with him when he doesn't seem stressed or depressed. Maybe he needs to find another job or he's struggling to pay a large amount of debts which he owes some people who won't stop bothering him until he completes his deal with them? 

2] You never compare him to your friends' or neighbors' husbands, as you're contented with the man whom Allah the Most Loving wisely chose for you. 

3] You're easy to please or impress when it comes to dealing with your dear husband. Even if he couldn't bring home anything special, besides his body, or he buys simple food from one of the street vendors, you appreciate the fact that at least he cared enough to show up or go out of his way to purchase something for you. 

4] You lovingly volunteer to spend on your husband once in a while, or financially support him when he's going through tough times, and you don't expect him to return the money which you generously offered for Allah's sake. 

5] You can't get offended when somebody describes your husband as "poor", "neglectful", or "irresponsible", because you know your husband and understand his circumstances far better than any of your critics can speculate.

~•~

📖 Narrated Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: On Eid-ul-Fitr or Eid-ul-Adha, Allah's Messenger SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam went out to the Musalla. After finishing the prayer, he delivered the sermon and ordered the people to give alms (charity). He said, "O people! Give alms." Then he went towards the women and said. "O women! Give alms, for I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-Fire were you (women)." The women asked, "O Allah's Messenger! What is the reason for it?" He replied, "O women! You curse frequently, and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. O women, some of you can lead a cautious wise man astray." Then he left. And when he reached his house, Zainab, the wife of Ibn Mas'ud, came and asked permission to enter It was said, "O Allah's Messenger! It is Zainab." He asked, 'Which Zainab?" The reply was that she was the wife of Ibn Mas'ud. He said, "Yes, allow her to enter." And she was admitted. Then she said, "O Prophet of Allah! Today you ordered people to give alms and I had an ornament and intended to give it as alms, but Ibn Mas'ud said that he and his children deserved it more than anybody else." The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam replied, "Ibn Mas'ud had spoken the truth. Your husband and your children had more right to it than anybody else."

Sahih Al-Bukhari 1462

In-book reference: Book 24, Hadith 65

USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 2, Book 24, Hadith 541 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 4252

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife."

Source: Sahih Muslim 1467

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/09/poem-why-i-dont-get-tired-of-loving-my.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-three-signs-that-your-marriage-is.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/note-pious-wife-is-not-materialistic.html 

Hadith: Virtues Of Kindness And Gentleness

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah is Gentle (Rafeeq) and He loves gentleness. He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness and He does not reward anything else like it."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2593

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah is Gentle and He loves gentleness. He grants reward for gentleness what is not given for harshness."

Source: Sahih Ibn Ḥibbān 486

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut

📖 Ibn Mas'ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Shall I not tell you of one forbidden for Hellfire or Hellfire is forbidden for him? It is everyone accessible, polite, and easy-going."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2488

Grade: Sahih li gharyihi (Authentic due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani

https://binbaz.org.sa/audios/2541/218-%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%AD%D8%AF%D9%8A%D8%AB-%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84-%D9%84%D9%84%D9%86%D8%A8%D9%8A-%D8%B5%D9%84%D9%89-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%8A%D9%87-%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B5%D9%86%D9%8A 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/poem-definition-of-kindness.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/poem-what-is-good-character.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/poem-maintain-inner-beauty-even-when.html