Tips: Some Advice On How Not To Feel Nervous Or Tense Around "Attractive" People

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📑 Some advice on how not to feel tense or nervous around individuals whom you find "attractive", good-looking or "intimidating":

1] Learn to control your gaze, refrain from staring at them unnecessarily, and quit putting them on a pedestal. Don't overestimate their agreeable qualities. Never assume they're 100% "perfect" nor guess you don't have what it takes to be up to their level. 

2] Recall that despite their tall height, supposedly good looks or impressive credentials, ultimately we are all slaves of Allah the Almighty and He Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala will always be above us. 

3] Remind yourself that they're similar to you in terms of being humans with their own sets of flaws, shortcomings, struggles they often go through, problems to solve, worries and other emotions they occasionally feel. Now and then they excrete body wastes and perspire like you do. Why worry too much about appearing "flawless" when they themselves have countless imperfections?

4] Acknowledge the fact that even if you perceive them as "unique", "awe-inspiring" or "outstanding", somebody else or a number of Muslims around the world may still outdo or surpass them in many ways. Don't treat them as though they're the most exceptional and invincible entity you've ever encountered. Even if they sometimes behave as though they're entitled to preferential treatment, maintain proper manners with them without underestimating yourself and denying the gifts which Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala chose to grant you. 

5] Keep a strong connection with Allah the Most Powerful, strengthen your faith/Imaan further by continuously seeking authentic Islamic knowledge sincerely for Allah's sake whenever you can, and strive to please only Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala rather than desperately wanting to be seen as part of the "in-crowd" or someone who's "appealing". Confidently believe that your overall success in both worlds is not dependent on any of Allah's servants.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/poem-signs-of-people-who-are.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/10/poem-some-reasons-why-insecure-or.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/poem-some-words-to-tell-yourself-to.html  

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/01/poem-tips-to-not-feel-intimidated-by.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-tips-to-deal-with-unlawful-love.html 

Tips: Five Things We Must Not Expect From Actual Narcissists

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

🗒️ Five things we should not expect from somebody who is struggling from actual kibr / narcissism: 

1🌼 Truth: 

A lot of narcissists like to invent supposedly remarkable stories about themselves most of which aren't true, intending to make themselves appear "special" or "superior" to individuals whom they're secretly envious of. 

❎ For example: A narcissistic woman in her fifties frequently brags to her neighbors that she worked as a photographer for a magazine in the middle east, while in reality she was employed as a housemaid in Saudi Arabia for only two years. Her lies are designed to inflate her own ego, as she can't afford to be truthful concerning her previous occupation. 

2🌼 Support / sympathy / words of encouragement: 

Since narcissists are typically more concerned about their wants than others' needs, they're unable to display empathy for anybody unless that individual can clearly benefit them in numerous ways. 

❎ For example: A narcissistic "friend" almost never shares your online posts regarding your halal business or affordable items you're showcasing for sale because they don't want you to succeed in any way.

3🌼 Sincere apologies: 

The pride or ego of a typical narcissist is usually so enormous that they are misled to assume they're too "flawless" and "infallible" to commit a single mistake. Their deluded attitude prevents them from courageously acknowledging their faults and saying sorry whenever they are aware of having done something wrong. 

❎ For example: A narcissistic professor or instructor who publicly scolded you some time ago for something they wrongly assumed about you wouldn't bother reaching out to you to apologize, even if they realized after the incident that they are actually the one who is at fault.

4🌼 Strength to forgive and accept an apology: 

If a typical narcissist is too proud and too cowardly to sincerely apologize, likewise they'd be too egotistical, too selfish, and too insecure to pardon you. 

❎ For example: A narcissistic cousin with whom you had an argument about a particular topic, whether serious or trivial, pridefully refuses to communicate with you because they're still offended by your opposition to their views.

5🌼 Actual good character/ integrity / reliability: 

Although some narcissists seem eloquent and charismatic, if you really spend time around them, you'd witness that they truly lack decent manners, they're mostly unreliable, and they'd treat you disrespectfully whenever an opportunity arises.

❎ For example: Narcissist colleagues purposely ignoring your salaams while answering others' greetings "cordially", "clumsily" bumping your shoulder when walking by, and refraining from responding to most of your messages so you can feel as sorrowful as they are, conducting themselves obnoxiously because these narcissists can't stand feeling so jealous of you.

~•~

📖 Anas Ibn Malik RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is one who is trusted by the people. The Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe (not guilty of backbiting, telling lies, and knowingly committing injustice). The emigrant (muhaajir) is one who emigrates away from evil. By the One (Allah the Almighty) in Whose Hand is my soul, a servant will not enter Paradise if his neighbor is not secure from his harm."

Source: Sahih Ibn Hibbān 515 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Arna'ut 

📖 Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "No one who has the weight of a seed (or atom) of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise." Someone said, "But a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes." The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah is Beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on the people."

In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "No one who has the weight of a seed of faith in his heart will enter Hellfire."

Source: Sahih Muslim 91

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

📖 Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "You must be truthful. Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and encourages honesty until he is recorded with Allah as a truthful person. And beware of falsehood. Verily, falsehood leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to the Hellfire. A man continues to tell lies and encourages falsehood until he is recorded with Allah as a liar."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhārī 5743 

Sahih Muslim 2607

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-nine-signs-of-actual-narcissists.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/12/tips-seven-things-which-narcissists.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/04/tips-some-advice-on-how-to-deal-with.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/poem-five-signs-of-covert-narcissist.html 

Tips: On Dealing With Sibling Rivalry And Jealousy

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📜 Question: What advice can you give regarding occasionally feeling jealous of my half-siblings? I probably wouldn’t feel as envious if it was evident that our father treats us fairly. It is obvious that he gets to spend more quality time with them than with me. Am I committing a sin every time I envy them?

📝 Answer: Negative feelings of jealousy are often triggered when you believe that you’ve been treated unfairly because a certain person has more of something than you or they were able to attain something which you have been striving to achieve. Envy is common among some co-wives when their husband doesn’t put enough effort into making it clear that he’s trying his best to take good care of them all equally. A lot of married Muslims are prone to envy when they don’t truly understand what fairness in Islam actually entails. 

Being fair in polygyny doesn’t necessarily oblige the husband to give the exact amount and size of something to each of his wives, but to strive to provide every wife of his with what she really requires, and people’s needs aren’t always alike. 

Visualize five students of the same grade, but from different schools, answering some questions in an examination hall. While they are taking the tests, the proctor or invigilator distributes several items to the students, and what they distributed are not entirely the same. Student 1 receives a protractor and drawing compass, student 2 receives three blank sheets of paper, student 3 receives a large set of colored markers, student 4 receives two highlighters and a ruler, while student 5 doesn’t receive anything until he asks for a sharpener. Would you say that the person who was distributing deserves to be described as “unfair” when the reason why they didn’t give all the examinees exactly the same item is because not all of their exams were similar and each student was given only what they required to pass the test they were taking? No. The proctor or invigilator treated the students as fairly as they could because they ensured that each student is given enough time to complete answering the questions in their test, each student has a right to keep their answers confidential and undisclosed to the other examinees, and each student has their own seat and desk to work on. Additional tools and supplies are granted depending on each student’s needs and circumstances. 

Train yourself to believe that Allah the Almighty is the Most Just and He Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala doesn’t allow anything on earth to take place unless He wants it decreed. What you and your half-siblings go through have already been predestined by Allah the Most Wise even years before you were born. While you can’t control Allah’s Qadr/Destiny, you can still aim to be an obedient servant of Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala by accepting what He destines with rewarding patience/Sabr and contentment. 

Being contented with what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala chooses to give you doesn’t mean you must pretend to be happy with less than what you think you deserve but, because you’re a Muslim Alhamdulillah, you submit to Allah’s Will, patiently accept what Allah grants you or withholds from you, and look forward to earning more of Allah’s Love and peaceful admittance to Jannah Paradise where you can enjoy whatever your soul desires. 

Other tips to deal with feeling jealous of your half-siblings once in a while: 

1] Know that envy is one of the despicable traits of our enemy shaytan who envied Prophet Adam ‘alaihis salaam since the beginning of Adam’s creation. From the ways to show enmity to shaytan is to differ from him as much as possible and avoid what causes him to rejoice. 

2] Realize that Inn-sha-Allah we will not be held accountable for how we feel but for what we decide to do based on our feelings. 

You’re not committing a sin if you feel sad whenever you miss some loved ones, but you would be sinning if your sadness leads to intentional self-injury. Since your body has been entrusted to you by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala, purposely injuring yourself as a way to express distress is a sign you don’t respect what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala has granted you. 

You’re not guilty of a sin if one day you found yourself feeling attracted to or “having a crush on” a person who reminds you of yourself or who has many admirable qualities, but you would be committing a sin if your feelings of attraction pressure you to do an action which ultimately leads to zina (fornication / adultery). 

The fact that you sometimes feel jealous of your half-siblings indicates you’re only human, and you actually care about spending time with your father, because if you never cared about your dad, those occasional feelings of jealousy wouldn’t bother you in the first place. You’re not committing a sin simply by feeling envious from time to time, as long as your jealous emotions do not provoke you into doing something which would displease Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala and His noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, such as indulging in bullying or gossip, or vocally criticizing Allah’s Qadr/Decree. 

3] Comfort yourself by knowing that although your half-siblings get to spend more quality time with your dad, you still have a lot of blessings to thank Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala for, such as plentiful opportunities to learn more about Islam and the correct ‘Aqeedah, a strong personality that is not easily affected by criticism, and at least one righteous Muslim friend (your mother, an auntie, your future spouse etc.) who oftentimes mentions you in their loving Du’as/supplications. 

•

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, Allah has pardoned my nation for what occurs within themselves (indecent thoughts, inappropriate imaginations, or unavoidable feelings), as long as they do not speak of it or act upon it."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6287 

Sahih Muslim 127

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way to not belittle the favors of Allah."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6125

Sahih Muslim 2963

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of envy, for it erases good deeds just as fire devours wood or grass."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4903

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Faith and envy do not combine within a believing servant."

In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Greed and faith are never combined in the heart of a servant."

Source: Sunan Al-Nasā’ī 3109

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-thank-allah-for-blessings-he-chose.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-seven-signs-that-indicate-jealousy.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/note-tips-to-free-yourself-from-jealousy.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/poem-tips-to-not-get-jealous-of-others.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/poem-some-secrets-to-not-feeling.html

Note: Minimize Pointless Conversations With Friends Who Enjoy Gossiping

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📜 Question: What's the best way to deal with friends who enjoy joking about other people so much so that I was told by some mutual friends how they also backbite about me when I'm not around? I've known them for many years, so leaving them wouldn't be easy.

📝 Answer: As Muslims, Alhamdulillah, our aim in life is to do what pleases Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala so Jannah Paradise becomes our destiny. Anything which hinders, slows us down or prevents us from achieving our goal to deserve entry to Jannah Paradise must be stopped or avoided for Allah's sake as much as possible. You can't be a pious Muslim if you constantly hang out with misguided youths who aren't strong enough to refrain from surrendering to their desires and this dunya instead of striving to improve in the Deen. The kind of company you keep can reflect the type of person you are or want to be. So typically if you chill with gamers, druggies, gangsters, fashionistas, selfie-addicts, celeb-wannabes or gossipers, you may end up being influenced by some of their traits, absorbing their energy, or acting like them to some degree. Thus, be extremely careful with regards to who you count as your close friends.

People who find pleasure in mocking or backbiting about others are in reality insecure cowards, who are so miserable or emotionally wounded that they feel desperate to pass on their misery unto the subjects of their gossipy discussions. If they were actually clever, confident and happy with themselves, they wouldn't demoralize their values by attaining others' sins and giving out their good deeds through sinful backbiting. Every time a person talks badly about you in your presence or absence, they simply prove that they're jealous of you for having a good quality which they lack, while they receive the wrongdoings which you previously did and, if there are any, the rewards of their past good actions are added to your account of deeds. Therefore, don't feel bad when secretly unhappy clowns or jokers backbite about you. Their gossip and ridicule obviously indicate how envious they are of you, as they can't stand seeing you doing well in front of them, so they cowardly insult you from behind.

Before gradually distancing yourself from the "friends" whom you've been acquainted with for a long time, advise them sincerely and inform them about the prohibition of backbiting. Gossiping is a major sin because Allah the Most Merciful disallowed it, since those who indulge in gossip behave improperly as if Allah the All-Knowing isn't seeing them and hearing their immoral conversations, arrogantly making fun of His creations as though they themselves are free from defects and imperfections of their own.

If your companions stubbornly refuse to take your advice into consideration, gladly grant them your avoidance. Don't feel guilty about keeping yourself far away from whatever and whoever distances you from wanting to become a better Muslim. 

Bad friends can always be replaced 

Inn-sha-Allah by decent ones eventually in the future. It's better to walk alone in the correct direction than to side with a large crowd heading towards trouble or they're making the wrong decision. In the end, our good deeds are what accompany us to our graves, not our family, friends nor a supposedly impressive reputation. So even if you don't have any close friends who can make you laugh out loud often, what matters is the safety of your faith/Imaan and your good deeds aren't wasted, especially through backbiting other Muslims.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu anhu narrated that Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the most beloved to me are those of you with the best character, soft in nature, friendly and befriended. The most hateful of you to Allah are those who spread talebearing and gossip, who cause discord between loved ones, seeking misery for the innocent."

Source: Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsaṭ 7693

Grade: Hasan li ghayrihi (Fair due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/01/poem-true-love-for-allahs-sake-and.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/06/note-avoiding-people-who-enjoy.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/06/tips-checklist-to-determine-if-you.html 

Note: Signs Indicating That An INTJ Feels Comfortable Around You

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

📜 Question: What are some signs indicating that a person (of the same gender) whose MBTI personality type is INTJ feels comfortable around you?

📝 Answer: You know that an INTJ feels comfortable in your presence, since they regard you as a good friend or loved one, when: 

1] ...they don't budge, flinch or move away if you occasionally touch their arm, shoulder or upper back gently while talking to them, or if they sometimes offer you gentle pats on your shoulder, arm or upper back when speaking with you. If an INTJ is mostly aloof, distant and prefers to minimize or avoid shaking hands with you, they probably perceive you as a stranger. 

2] ...they show you their more affectionate side, clarify to you their shortcomings, are capable of being extremely sympathetic toward you, become more talkative with you than with mere acquaintances, and/or ask you if they can hug you every now and then. 

3] ...they often make effort to prolong online and face-to-face conversations with you. Instead of giving you very brief and terse answers, they try to ask you several questions to be better acquainted with you, no matter how random or weird their queries may sound.

4] ...they're able to behave playfully around you or find many of your jokes amusing. 

5] ...whenever they feel the need, they reach out to request your advice on some issue, for your interpretation on a strange dream they've had recently, or for your opinion on something they're about to undertake. 

❎ Some factors which could prevent many INTJs (and INFJs) from feeling at ease with you: 

1] Being guilty of disappointing them and proving that you're so unreliable numerous times. 

2] Showing unwarranted interest in discussing the lives of other individuals and partaking in futile gossip. 

3] Making it obvious that you're somebody who obnoxiously judges people according to how they look on the surface and what kind of outfits they choose to wear. 

4] Actually feeling uneasy and tense around them. Usually if you feel anxious, unpleasantly awkward or insecure around some INxJ types, they can sense your uneasiness and feel unrelaxed similarly. 

5] Carrying negative feelings of jealousy or uncertainty regarding their values. It can be difficult to trust any person whose acts confirm they're so envious of you.

~•~

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4681

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/tips-intj-acquaintance-vs-intj-friend.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/note-how-most-intj-personality-types.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/note-busy-intjs-vs-avoidant-intjs.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/08/note-choosiness-of-most-intjs-when-it.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/tips-what-many-intj-personality-types.html  

https://personalitygrowth.com/how-guarded-each-myers-briggs-type-is/

https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2021/12/08/the-most-to-least-talkative-myers-briggs-personality-types-ranked