Tips: When We Can Forgive And Give Second Chances

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 It's easy to make quick assumptions when someone does something which offends us, especially if we care about that person and we have high expectations of them. If they didn't answer our text messages instantly yet we noticed their user status indicating they're online, we assume they are ignoring us deliberately, playing "hard to get", or they're being obnoxiously passive-aggressive and examining if we're a true friend who's patient enough to tolerate their immaturity.
A lot of individuals immediately dismiss a potential friendship, cancel their decision to share some personal concerns, and completely lose their trust in you once you unknowingly hurt them or disappointed them. They're unaware that yes you saw that they messaged you but you were busy doing an important task, you were about to respond but the WiFi connection got disconnected, you needed more time to reflect on how to formulate a good response, or some of the kids at your place were playing games on your cellphone and they curiously opened that sender's message and you're still oblivious about those messages you received but didn't yet read.
Patience, understanding and perseverance are noble qualities that are extremely essential for marriage and friendship to last long. In any project, bond or journey you wish to take in this imperfect dunya, you can expect mishaps, misunderstandings, miscommunication, inconveniences and obstacles to emerge once in a while. We, as Allah's servants, have the freewill to discontinue a friendship or transaction with someone for a glitch or mistake they've made, or we can defeat our pride, forgive them, and correct those blunders so our connection gets even stronger than before.
Not every individual though is worthy of reconciliation. Forgiving another Muslim doesn't necessarily mean allowing yourself to return to being treated unjustly and exposing yourself to toxic vibes. While we can forgive each soul who has mistreated us in the past, we have a right to carefully choose who we love, support, and spend on for Allah's sake.
🔹 Five signs of someone who deserves a second chance and forgiving them is wiser than rushing to form another ex-friend:
1] Their companionship brings you closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and every time you talk to them, your level of faith Imaan increases.
2] You can learn many useful things and beneficial knowledge from them just as they find your presence valuable.
3] They have done favors and given you gifts, even an offer to give you a ride home, numerous times without expecting you to return their kindness.
4] You're closely related. Cutting off family ties is a wrongdoing which striving Muslims who seek Allah's Love would avoid.
5] You have tons of similarities, goals and interests in common. Why oppose an ambitious Muslim who has the same likes and dislikes as you when you can
Inn-sha-Allah build successful projects together?
To be patient for a moment with someone who means a lot to you is better than a lifetime of regret from reacting impatiently.
~•~
📖 Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu ‘anhu narrated: Some people from the Ansaar asked the Messenger of Allah SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and he gave them. Then they asked for charity again and he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam gave them. Then they asked again and he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam gave them until all he had was gone. The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “If I had anything, I would not withhold it. Whoever refrains from asking others, then Allah will make him content. Whoever would be independent, then Allah will make him independent. Whoever would be patient, then Allah will make him patient. There is no gift that is better and more comprehensive than patience.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6105, Sahih Muslim 1053
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Poem: On How Not To Be Affected By Insults

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Allah the Almighty remains as the Only God
Even if those without belief claim "Islam's a fraud".
The sun still shines despite complaints of how it's too hot,
And the confident voice their thoughts even if laughed at.
~•~
Lions stay as lions even if clowns state they're not.
The sincere don't give up, although most doubt their Ikhlaas.
You are what you are, regardless of verbal attacks.
Stand firm. To false accusations don't wrongly react.
~•~
When told you're a liar while you're defending the truth,
Continue being honest though some still suspect you.
Readily share facts and let critics think they're untrue.
No need to change who you are, even if you're accused.
~•~
If described as "poor" or "broke", tell them "Yes I admit
I'm not wealthy. I don't own earth. Allah controls it.
And since money can't buy manners, you too aren't rich.
At least I try to be kind, while you lose in ethics."
~•~
If some profess you're "arrogant", "prideful", or "selfish",
Realize their lies provide signs they could be jealous,
Or low self-esteem is what causes their prejudice.
Acknowledge they don't know you, and remain positive.
~•~
If some surmise you're "gay" and spoil you with fake labels,
Ignore their flirting and lame efforts to be hurtful.
By people's words don't be emotionally controlled.
Blaming and fault-finding are done by the miserable.
~•~
By what strangers declare about us we're not defined,
And by their eye-rolls or laughter our worth can't decline.
Only Allah can describe us, He sees what's inside,
And on Judgment Day Allah will judge all of mankind.
~•~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu ‘anhu narrated: Allah’s noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.’ Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills.” Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan.“
Source: Sahih Muslim 2664
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Note: How INTJ Teens Usually Behave

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Some of the things I've done as a teen back in Saudi Arabia, which explains my INTJ personality type and realizing I mistyped myself as an ESTP/ESTJ from not answering the MBTI tests with accuracy:

1] Doing whatever I could to not fit in with the crowd and being okay with standing out. Instead of wearing the school uniform properly like the other girls did, I slightly left the blouse unbuttoned from the top to reveal a black shirt I wore inside. Although my dark pink highlights, choker necklace and other accessories made me look like a freak or "the odd one out", I actually liked the idea of being unique, having my own personal style, and not copying others' sense of individuality.

2] Being more liked by the teachers than most of the students in class despite a number of my classmates frequently asking me if they could copy my assignment answers.

3] At Middle East International School not feeling embarrassed or offended at all when one grumpy teacher in Physics subject angrily threw my notebook on the floor in front of the whole class. She was aggravated I wrote the notes with colorful ink. I figured she had a right to express her exasperation as I didn't obey her orders of keeping the notes simple.

4] Looking indifferent and not emotionally reacting when a teacher in Arts subject scolded me for wearing jewelry, emphasizing how I was "at school, not a fashion show." So I took off the accessories calmly and went back to whatever activity I was doing, not bothered by her infuriation, knowing it was her job to ensure the students value the school dress code.

5] Not participating with the audience in clapping and cheering for some students performing on stage. I remember standing stoically with my arms crossed and seeming unimpressed that my ex-best friend decided to stop clapping as though she felt conscious I probably thought of her as "irrational", when that wasn't the case.

6] Having a Palestinian friend tell me "I wish you spoke more like the way you write" implying that when it comes to speaking with others I'm usually brief, and when writing about a topic that interests me, I'm the complete opposite of being concise.

7] Proceeding to play casual soccer/football with some girls from other grades while the group I usually hung out with chose to just watch. INTJs are willing to accomplish whatever goals they're eager to achieve without needing a sidekick and backup.

8] Staying at home often whenever my family went out for grocery shopping mainly because I was "busy" on the internet answering questions, "solving problems" and giving advice to other teens on this archived TeenOpenDiary website. If I were more religious back then, I may have shared some articles about Islam and cancelled responding to questions that concerned relationships. Ironic how I wasn't someone who could easily display empathy yet there I was acting like a psychologist or guidance counselor wannabe.

9] Deliberately ignoring or avoiding phonecalls during exams so much so that my preoccupation with studying is one of the reasons why I'm no longer in contact with my former best friend.

Alhamdulillah, without intending to sound 'arrogant', the more potential friends switched to being total strangers again, the more I got used to seeing people come and go. This helped me accept the truth Alhamdulillah that Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala is the Only One Whom we can always trust.

10] Keeping a straight face and almost never laughing whenever some individuals made jokes, gossiped, or teased others. INTJs are generally described as being "serious", and the kind of conversations which they enjoy are ones where they can learn something new. To them, gossip, insignificant talks about celebrities, and discussions which can't intellectually stimulate are considered boring.

11] Not feeling bored when reading and researching materials like encyclopedias and dictionaries. Alhamdulillah at around the age of eighteen I was already familiar with polygyny and found myself being fascinated by its many virtues. One of the benefits of being in a polygynous marriage is that you get to have some time and space for yourself to relax when your husband is with his other wife/wives. To maintain a long-standing connection, marriage or friendship, with an INTJ, you need to respect their need for solitude to conserve energy and be extremely patient when they seek privacy at times.

📖 Ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu 'anhuma narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Take advantage of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death." 

Source: Shu’ab Al-Imān 9575 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

Poem: Challenge Yourself To Be A Good Muslim For Allah.

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 How about not doing the "first impressions challenge",

Because the way Allah sees us is more important.

What if you confidently refused to copy trends 

And instead challenged others to be better Muslims?

~•~

Want a real challenge? Challenge yourself to do more good,

To strive more for Allah with a patient attitude,

To be fine with polygyny and learn its virtues, 

To value hijab, and enjoy praying Tahajjud.

~•~

Challenge yourself to read from the Qur'an night and day,

If you think you're too busy, then read at least one page.

In spite of stress or sorrow, challenge yourself to pray, 

And to have Sabr when certain things don't go your way.

~•~

Challenge yourself to forgive when lied to or betrayed,

And when there's gossip, defend the wronged or walk away.

That Allah guides your relatives try to supplicate, 

Aware that Allah grants guidance, insight, and firm faith.

~•~

Bravely challenge yourself as well to not get jealous

When some express lawful joy or succeed in business,

To lower your gaze when you must, to dislike music,

And ensure male loved ones love praying in the Masjid.

~•~

Challenge yourself to have Ikhlaas and fix your niyyah, 

And to do more secret good deeds to avoid riyaa, 

To be determined that your thoughts don't lead to fitna, 

To combat evil whispers with Dhikr and Du'a.

~•~

When some challenge you to compete with them in dunya, 

Decline their offer. Our destination is Jannah.

Glad tidings to those who challenge themselves for Allah, 

And who do more good offline than on social media.

~•~

📖 Abu Mas’ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a reward like one who did it."

Source: Sahih Muslim 1893

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Note: Don't Instantly Judge People Based On First Impressions

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Instantly judging people by their first impressions is something unreliable and unfair to do. It's one thing to avoid someone whose presence is too toxic to handle because they remind you of an untrustworthy person who mistreated you previously, or their expertise in gossiping turns you off so you distance yourself to preserve your overall well-being. It is an entirely different case if you misjudge a Muslim based on your initial encounter with them, rumors, or unjustifiable assumptions.
From an outsider's perspective, you may consider a family to be very rich because of their immense residence, designer clothes, and expensive cars, when in reality the breadwinner owes many people a large sum of money, has tons of debts, and he's a con-artist. On the other hand, some onlookers may guess that a man wearing simple clothing and who drives an old car isn't wealthy, when he's actually a CEO of a thriving company who traveled to several countries, the vehicle was given to him by his late father, and he's a sensitive guy who can't easily let go of thoughtful memories.
A stranger who seemed so sweet and cheerful the first time you met them could be a narcissistic gossiper who enjoys making fun of people's weaknesses. A reserved colleague who doesn't speak much during meetings isn't necessarily snobbish or indifferent. They probably struggle with severe social anxiety or they prefer to quietly observe in the background and won't contribute to a group conversation until they're spoken to.
People aren't always what they appear to be. Don't be too naive that the way some people dress and conduct themselves exhibits their reality. Immediately criticizing others for how they made you feel the first time you noticed them entitles you to be called "judgmental" if not "prejudiced" or "unfairly critical". While it's fine to ensure that you generally give a good impression, since first impressions are unforgettable to some, it is not acceptable to permanently boycott another Muslim when you don't even know them well enough to describe them accurately.
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the most false of tales. Do not seek out faults, do not spy on each other, do not contend with each other, do not envy each other, do not hate each other, and do not turn away from each other. Rather, be servants of Allah as brothers."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5719, Sahih Muslim 2563
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Al-Bayhaqi reported: Ja’far ibn Muhammad, may Allah have mercy on him, said, “If you hear something from your brother that you reject, make an excuse for him up to seventy excuses. If you cannot do it, then say: 'Perhaps he has an excuse I do not know.'”
Source: Shu’ab Al-Imān 7853