Tips: On Dealing With Adult Bullying

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Intentional harassment or bullying doesn't only occur in school, but it can also take place among "adults", particularly in the workplace. Adult bullying is usually done by insecure individuals, who act like childish fifth-graders persistently messing with another student whom they regard as prettier, wealthier or more intellectually accomplished than them. 

🔹 Three examples of bullying behavior found in some "adults":

1] They deliberately try to make you feel excluded. Imagine talking to a group of five friends, discussing where your next outing will be. After you all agreed to a specific date and location, you later discover on social media that they already had their gathering without you. Upon confronting them about it, you're informed that they wanted the hangout much earlier and "forgot" to invite you. This awkward misunderstanding doesn't happen just once, but numerous times.

2] A co-worker or acquaintance behaves like an obnoxious bully when they have an awful habit of distributing items to everyone in a room while purposely ignoring you.

3] When they're in a bunch with bystanders around, they treat you with fake niceness, yet when nobody close to you is watching they emphasize their insecurities through immature gossip, direct as well as passive-aggresive maltreatment, injustice and disrespect.

🔹 Ways to cope with adult bullying:

1] Maintain strong connection with Allah the Almighty and keep trusting Him Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. The stronger your faith/Imaan is, the less prone you are to becoming emotionally affected by people's unfair dealings with you.

2] Understand that whoever tries to hurt you on purpose is likely hurting inside. Their self-hatred, struggles with inferiority complex, ignorance of good morals, miserable upbringing or intense jealousy towards you could explain why they treat you poorly.

3] Be grateful Alhamdulillah that you're not the one oppressing others and taking people's sins. It is better to be the innocent subject being gossiped about than be the insecure gossiper whose unkindness causes their despicable envy to become clearly evident.

4] Avoid and minimize your interactions with toxic people. Unfriend, unfollow and never bother checking the timelines of those whose companionship can't add any positive value to your overall well-being. Gladly walk away from adult bullies and learn not to copy their terrible traditions.

5] Focus on developing your connections with those who genuinely care about you for Allah's sake. Find new companions who can inspire you to become a better Muslim and whose actions aren't manipulated by selfishness, egoistic pride, insecurity, greed or self-hate. 

Oftentimes it's your inner beauty, abilities, firm faith/Imaan, confidence and other gifts from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala which intimidate certain individuals. Don't let their misery and criticism stop you from being the best version of yourself.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Poem: I Can't Get Jealous Over Worldly Matters

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Since I believe that Allah blessed everyone fairly,

And as a Muslim I must accept Allah's Decree,

I can't get jealous of others' joys which are worldly

Nor envy people for what they got and have received.

~*~

Even if I meet ladies much prettier than me,

Or see celebrities enjoy lives of luxury,

Or have friends who are more successful financially,

I still can't afford to make my heart carry envy.

~*~

She can own all the make-up products and clothes she likes,

Collect many costly shoes and always be in style,

Earn a PhD degree and be highly admired,

And still I can't make myself envy that kind of life.

~*~

This guy and that one too can claim I'm poor if they like,

While those women can snub me, backbite or criticize,

And still I won't be fazed by their shallowness and lies;

Since my goal isn't this world, but Jannah Paradise.

~*~

Honestly, I can't bring myself to envy others

For what they've been given by Allah our Creator,

Who justly distributed His gifts and His favors,

And Who loves those who patiently accept His Qadr.

~*~

Should there be souls whom I admire, then strong believers

Whose hearts prefer Paradise to temporal pleasures,

Who memorized the Qur'an, obey Allah's Orders,

And who find peace in Allah's Love, Du'as and Dhikr.

~*~

Sincere souls who love Allah are those I look up to,

With hearts free from hate, jealousy and ingratitude.

No reason for me to resent what Allah gave you.

All blessings are meant to test our faith and gratitude.

~*~

📖 Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "There is no envy but in two cases: A man whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it rightly in Allah's Way, and a man whom Allah has given wisdom and he acts upon it and teaches with it."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 73, Sahih Muslim 816

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

Hadith: Virtues Of Praying And Following The Sunnah Of The Beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam

 📖 Malik ibn Al-Huwayrith RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Pray as you have seen me praying. When the time of prayer arrives, let one of you announce the call to prayer for you and then let the older of you lead the prayer.”

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5662

Sahih Muslim 674

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever innovates into this matter of ours that which does not belong to it, it will be rejected.”

In another narration, the Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever performs a deed that is not in accordance with our matter, it will be rejected.”

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 2550

Sahih Muslim 1718

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Shall I not tell you of that by which Allah expiates your sins and increases your good deeds?” They said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Thorough ablution despite difficulty, taking many steps to the Masjid, and waiting for one prayer after another prayer.”

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 427

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

Poem: Your Decisions And Choices Can Impact Your Lifestyle

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 You can stay in bed throughout the morning feeling sad,
Recalling your past and recounting things you don't have,
Or you can pray Salat Ad-Duha and say Du'as,
And do your best to serve Allah with the means you've got.
~•~
You can browse the web and stalk users whom you envy,
Watching daily vlogs that cause self-doubt and jealousy,
Or listen to lectures that enhance your piety,
And read quotes or writings that breed positivity.
~•~
You can disturb your heart by fighting with your haters,
Arguing offline and online with keyboard warriors,
Or you can improve yourself by practicing Sabr,
And forgive for Allah's sake and leave troublemakers.
~•~
You can spend your free time listening to songs and beats,
Dancing with shaytan as your faith gradually gets weak,
Or you can recite from the Qur'an regularly,
And study Islam so your Imaan levels increase.
~•~
You can feel bad inside and keep comparing yourself
To others' lives, wishing you had their homes, looks and wealth,
Or you can thank Allah, dispel bad feelings you've felt
By focusing on your gifts and blessings without guilt.
~•~
You can stress yourself out by desiring perfection,
Complaining whenever you confront disappointments,
Or you can take it easy, rest often, be patient,
As you strive for Allah and accept what He destines.
~•~
Keep in mind that Allah gave you freewill to decide.
Your deliberate choices can impact your lifestyle.
So try your best to make decisions you think are right.
When you fall, rise. Get back up till you reach Paradise.
~•~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “If one of you looks at those blessed over him in wealth and appearance, let him look at those below him.”
In another narration, the Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, “Do not look to those above you, lest you view the favors of Allah as trivial.”
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6125
Sahih Muslim 2963
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim

Tips: Trust Allah And Never Be Affected By People's Criticism

 💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Five sample dialogues to show how you can respond to insults or criticism:

Them: "It's too bad you're unemployed. Don't you feel useless that you just stay at home and others have to support you financially?"

🔹You: "I'm still searching for a good job. Don't you have important tasks to focus on instead of constantly acting like you gave birth to me?"

Them: "Your husband works in the medical field, but he's a fat guy. Does he overstuff himself with his patients?"

🔹You: "My husband has a right to eat what he likes when he wants to. Is your partner so plain and uninteresting that you have all the free time to check out other women's husbands and analyze them? Are you ignorant of the concept of lowering your gaze, or is evaluating my husband's body size your new profession?"

Them: "Eww. Your room is a total dumpster. Are you too lazy to clean it?"

🔹 You: "I'll tidy it up when I'm ready. Since you're obsessed with perfection, how about you do some assessment on your heart and ensure it's completely free from impure qualities? If you were really fabulous and worthy of admiration, your overall personality wouldn't be wretchedly disgusting."

Them: "It's a shame you don't make as much money as we do. We get to dine at classy buffet restaurants anytime and all you enjoy is simple food."

🔹You: "Alhamdulillah I'm gratefully contented with what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala chose to give me. You must be incredibly delusional if you assume your financial greed triggers envy. With your gigantic ignorance of dunya's reality and your substantially low morals, you're no better than donkeys."

Them: "Wow. You're one greedy eater. Control yourself, you hippo."

🔹 You: "Yeah I'll stop eating when I'm done. In the meantime, why don't you control your tongue and lousy character? I don't recall hiring you to be my fitness coach or weight loss trainer."

🌻 Ways to confidently deal when insulted or criticized:

1] If there were some undeniable facts in the criticism you received, utilize them to develop yourself and be willing to improve for Allah's sake. If the statements you heard aren't true however and you know those words can't describe you at all, smile on the inside and be glad Alhamdulillah that you're not the liar who's falsely accusing others due to absurdity, immaturity, awful upbringing or jealousy.

2] Understand the possibility of the critics being jealously threatened by your achievements, positive traits like generosity, confident vibes, strong faith/Imaan, and/or inner beauty.

3] Acknowledge the truth that the one who is actually suffering on the inside is that troll who spends much of their energy trying to annoy, insult or disturb you, as they can't stand their own inner struggles, self-hatred and insecurities.

4] Keep in mind that your critics also have their own set of imperfections, flaws and shortcomings. A gorilla doesn't need to worry if other gorillas make fun of it for enjoying bananas, just as human beings with lighter skin tone shouldn't feel entitled to ridicule those who are dark-skinned, because ultimately all of us are Allah's servants and we'll be questioned about our actions on the Day of Judgment.

5] Note that you're not the only one in the universe who has to cope with being despised by insecure or envious individuals.

Even the beloved Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam was disliked by numerous unbelievers and hypocrites yet his enemies' criticism and hostility do not change the fact that he SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam will always be the best of all living beings.

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: 'Allah has decreed what He wills.' Verily, the  phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim