Note: On The Topic Of Marrying Early In Islam

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 According to my late mother (Allah yarhamha. Ameen.) through a friend of hers back in Saudi Arabia, this guy (the woman's nephew) instantly felt "in love" with me when he saw me as a bridesmaid at my older cousin's wedding. He was actually serious about getting married that he even requested for a formal meeting with my family at one of our apartments in Riyadh city. I remember my mother asking me to smile upon seeing him or seem a bit friendlier, to behave more femininely instead of boyish, as if she could sense that I'd meet him (in the presence of my family, not one-on-one) with an unimpressed scowl or glare at him angrily so he'd get turned off. I was around fourteen years old that time, still struggling with bulimia which somewhat affected my ability to make logical decisions. So as soon as the guy left, I blatantly told my mother that I wasn't willing to marry him mainly because of his clean-shaven baby face, plus he was as tall as I was or probably several inches shorter. My late father (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) even laughingly agreed with me on how the suitor looked baby-faced and he let my mother know that there was no need to compel me to marry if I didn't want to. 

When I was around seventeen or eighteen years old, one of my male "childhood friends" whose parents were close friends with mine since our stay in Al-Khobar and/or Dammam, visited us with his father to express his interest in marrying me. Without even analyzing the pros and cons of accepting his marriage proposal, I quickly rejected it because, being aware that he was two or so years younger than me, I preferred marrying a man who's a lot older with more life experience. 

Some time before we moved to the Philippines from Riyadh city, I received another marriage proposal from the son of one of the Pakistani friends of my mother. Again I declined the proposal, even unplugged the cords of all the telephones around the house (back when cellphones weren't common yet) so his admirably ambitious, lovingly supportive and eager mother would give up telephoning us regarding her son's marriage proposal. My reason for not accepting his proposal was my ignorant misjudgment that he may be a boring spouse due to him being obviously a shy type of guy. At one of the gatherings we attended with other South Asian friends and families, I recall having a quick glimpse of him looking at me from a distance while he was with other guys his age. While I thought his general appearance was okay, I was the type of girl who'd go for a guy who's more domineering, charismatic, and sociable, one who wouldn't hesitate to take the lead, a bit like a stereotypical "alpha male". I pray that Allah the Most Merciful forgives all my mistakes and bestows on all those guys and their loved ones happiness, contentment and peace in both worlds. Ameen. 

As you can tell, a lot of female teenagers may reject a marriage proposal for silly reasons - maybe the guy isn't good-looking enough, according to their standards, or he's not tall enough, or there's no instant attraction in the initial stages, unaware yet that genuine love can't be enjoyed before marriage but true love is learned after one has become legally married. 

Concerning early marriage, it is possible for a female teenager to enjoy marriage life if she strongly believes that she's making the right choice, without an ounce of potential remorse, in accepting the marriage proposal of a sincere, mature, financially stable, capable and responsible Muslim man who genuinely wishes to marry her for Allah's sake, not just for how she looks outwardly.

Whether the young husband and his wife temporarily stay at the house of his parents or his wife's parents until he can afford his own residence, or the young Muslim couple are blessed by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala with their own housing, and whether one of them is still studying or they're both pursuing their education, what matters is that their marriage ultimately leads to Allah's Love, keeps their faith/Imaan strengthened, and preserves their modesty. 

Marrying at an early age doesn't make one's marriage any better than the marriages of those who got married in their thirties and older. From among the common reasons why some Muslims decide to marry in their teens are their willingness and preparedness to get married, eagerness to avoid haraam relationships and fitna through lawful marriage, and possibly so their parents can see their cute grandchildren before Allah the Most Wise takes their souls back to Him. 

Allah the Almighty knows best.

~•~

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me. Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will discipline his impulses (desires)."

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1846

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani  

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, should women be asked for their consent (permission) before marriage?” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Yes." I said, “Indeed, sometimes a virgin is too shy to speak when asked.” The Prophet SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Her silence (not refusing nor complaining) is her consent (sign that she accepts the marriage proposal)."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 6547

Sahih Muslim 1420

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-while-not-every-woman-gets-to.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/note-arranged-marriages-vs-forced.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/10/note-survey-on-love-and-marriage.html 

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/19135/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B0%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B5%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%87%D9%88-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A8%D9%83%D8%B1 

Tips: So Long As You've Reached The Age Of Puberty, Age Doesn't Matter When You First Marry

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 In 2006 my brother who was 18 years old that time married our first cousin who would turn 21 in that year's September. Before that there was an arrangement for him to marry his childhood friend, but Allah the Most Wise decreed that their marriage wouldn't take place and instead the girl would marry a Middle Eastern guy she'd meet in Malaysia who's around nine years older than she is. Alhamdulillah my brother and his wife are blessed with five children for now, while the girl who was previously engaged to my brother is blessed with one beautiful half-Saudi half-Filipino daughter at the moment.

Alhamdulillah I was 20 when I married my husband who was 28, and became his second wife when I was around 26 years old. From my husband's side, the mother of one of his brothers-in-law got married when she was 14 or so years old while her husband was in his early 20s. MashaAllah. From what I understand, they're blessed with ten kids. My mother-in-law also married when she was around 14 years old and Allah the Most Merciful blessed her and her late husband (Allah yarhamhu. Ameen.) with twelve kids. 

A number of my students also married while still in their teens. The wife of one of them is older than him by several years and they're currently blessed with two sons. 

When I contemplate on how many Muslims have married at a young age, I recall how there are still a group of individuals around the globe who reached their forties and they're gladly contented with staying single. This reminded me of another childhood friend who married as a teenager then, if I'm not mistaken, in her twenties when she discovered that her ex-husband was interested in remarrying, she demanded for divorce. A person getting married at a young age does not guarantee that their marriage will last forever. Marriage doesn't equate to euphoria or complete happiness. It's basically another journey towards Jannah with its innumerable ups and downs, temporary trials and challenging puzzles to solve. 

The closer you are to Allah the Almighty, the more tests you may go through as a married Muslim, whether you're being temporarily tested with your husband's employment in a different city or country, with being infertile or not having as many kids as you liked, with polygyny, with some of your in-laws disputing with your family, with your husband's quick temper or jealously mistrusting attitude, with your spouse's current struggle with some Islamic rulings, or even with black magic or sorcery. 

For some Muslims, their decision to remain single while patiently waiting for their flawless spouse in Paradise may be more convenient for them if not having any spouse keeps their faith/Imaan strong and their overall well-being is a lot more stable than if they were in a complicated marriage which not everyone can handle patiently.

📋 1] Never compare your love story to another Muslim couple's romance. Watermelons, papayas, bananas, mangoes and apples are all sweet and enjoyable in their own way. 

2] Regardless of how old your husband is and the age you married him, what matters more is your actual niyyah/intention of marrying each other, aspiring to ensure that this loving bond leads to Allah's Love and Jannah's entry, while acknowledging from within that you're truly contented with Allah's Qadr/Destiny. 

3] Your marital status does not determine your true worth as a human being. What clearly distinguish Allah's servants from one another are their Taqwa, how close they are to Allah the Almighty and what kind of good deeds they consistently and sincerely do to succeed in both worlds.

~•~

📖 Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me. Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will discipline his impulses (desires)."

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1846

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-my-brief-love-story-and-allahs.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/note-not-everyone-on-earth-has-same.html 

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/25486/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B4%D8%B1%D8%B9%D9%8A-%D9%84%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%AC 

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/14257/%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A8%D9%83%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%A8%D9%8A%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%A8-%D9%84%D9%84%D8%B2%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%AC 

Poem: Five Types Of Stares You May Receive Sometimes As A Niqabi / Muntaqaba

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Five types of stares you may receive as a "niqabi"

Or "muntaqaba" who lives to serve Allah Only, 

Whether you're often stared at in some malls, in the streets, 

At work, or there are some critics in your family 

Who disagree with your choice to value modesty:

~•~

One -  the disgusted stare that declares "What a pity! 

It's a shame Muslim females are treated unfairly." 

React by dismissing their ignorance, fallacies, 

And disdain which displays their low self-esteem is real. 

Decline their invites to drama. Move on patiently.

~•~ 

Two - the worried stare that wishes to share sympathy, 

Wrongly guessing Muslimahs are under tyranny. 

Ease their worries with your confidence, being friendly 

Or clearly happy if they guess you're in misery,

And inwardly for their misbelief you feel sorry.

~•~

Three - the amused stare that follows jokes, hilarity, 

And remarks which show they're immature, massive babies 

Who've never traveled abroad or went to school really, 

Or their lousy upbringing with ill-bred families 

Or self-hate is why they deride strangers easily.

~•~ 

Four - the natural stare that comes with curiosity, 

Eagerness to decipher why your outfit is weird. 

Simply mind your business. Keep moving confidently. 

Let good manners reveal inner contentment and peace, 

As you courageously do Da'wah indirectly.

~•~ 

Five - the impressed stare that felt attracted instantly, 

The kind of look which says "I see you, please notice me", 

Amazed by your strong personality, bravery, 

Uniqueness, oddity, or sticking to your beliefs. 

Lower your gaze. Ensure your interactions are brief.

~•~

Even if scorned upon by "modern" society 

And laughed at sometimes by friends, neighbors or enemies, 

Muslimahs who strive to please Allah the Almighty 

Stay steadfast. Don't worry about people's mockery, 

As on Judgment Day they'll earn the rewards of their deeds.

~•~

📖 Abu Udhaynah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The best of your women are loving, fertile, suitable, and comforting, if they fear Allah. The worst of your women unveil their beauty, take pride in their appearance, and they are hypocrites. None of them will enter Paradise except as rarely as you see a red-beaked crow."

Source: Al-Sunan Al-Kubrá 12480

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

📖 'Urwah reported: Aisha RadhiAllahu 'anha said, "May Allah have mercy on the foremost women of the Muhaajirun. When Allah revealed the verse, ‘Let them draw their cloaks over their bodies,’ (The Noble Qur'an 24:31) they cut their sheets and veiled themselves with them."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 4481

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Bukhari 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-wear-niqab-for-allah-as-dutiful.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-my-brief-niqab-story-to-inspire.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/note-some-lessons-learned-from-wearing.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/04/note-signs-you-are-self-confident.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/02/poem-advice-on-dealing-with-mockery-as.html 

Poem: Include The Muslim Ummah In Your Du'a

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 "Dear Allah, make him more eloquent and bless his speech, 

Guide him to speak truthfully and accept his good deeds.", 

"O' Allah, the Most Loving Who always hears and sees, 

Protect my loved ones and friends, grant them all that they need, 

And in their efforts to serve You please keep them sincere." 

~•~ 

"Dear Allah, from the Muslim Ummah who feel lonely 

Or stressed at times when they deal with life's difficulties, 

Provide them more guidance so in both worlds they succeed, 

Increase their love for learning Islam and right belief,

And give them insight, inner joy, contentment and peace." 

~•~

"O' Allah, those Muslims who got married recently, 

I pray that through their marriage they thrive in piety, 

That their journey is a blessing and they stay happy.", 

"Dear Allah, please heal so-and-so and give them relief, 

Bless this one's business and help them earn income with ease."

~•~ 

"O' Allah, the Most Kind Who knows all my wants and needs, 

Forgive those who gossiped about me, kindly release 

Them from vile qualities like suspicion and envy. 

I pray that Allah softens their hearts and they believe 

In the correct 'Aqeedah, far from bid'ah. Ameen."

~•~

It takes strong faith/Imaan, kindness and humility 

For a Muslim to mention others regularly 

In their Du'a/supplication with sincerity. 

When praying for other Muslims don't be miserly. 

Such invocations profit your soul similarly.

~•~

📖 Abdullah Ibn Amr RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "No supplication is quicker to be answered than a supplication on behalf of one absent (supplicating for other Muslims)."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1980

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "No Muslim servant supplicates for his brother behind his back but that the angel says: 'And for you the same.'"

Source: Sahih Muslim 2732

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/08/poem-what-it-means-to-love-for-allahs.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/11/poem-be-generous-enough-to-pray-for.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/tips-advice-on-how-to-deal-with-loved.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-warning-against-constantly-cursing.html 

Tips: Some Of The Benefits Of Understanding A Person's MBTI Type

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 Imagine that you're staying in a retreat, resort or dormitory with several friends for one week, and you're sharing one kitchen. Just when you're about to wash your plate and spoon, you notice that the sink is full of unwashed dishes. While you decide to focus on washing only your utensils, others may not exactly behave like you. Some may:

1] Gladly wash the plate and spoon which they used along with the other dishes, wanting rewards for compassionately trying to make others' lives easy. 

2] Wash their utensils and only some of the unwashed dishes, so they earn rewards without getting too tired, while hoping somebody else can continue washing the rest. 

3] Quickly wash their utensils then angrily march around the building, commanding everyone to wash their own dishes next time because they're not their maid. 

4] Lazily leave their plate and spoon on the sink with the other unwashed plates, imagining how fabulous it would be if there were fairies or android robots who'd automatically keep the surroundings clean. 

5] Responsibly wash your utensils then place the unwashed dishes on top of each person's bed, everybody receiving a note stating (written in all caps and red marker), "Cleanliness is part of faith. Please tidy up your mess next time." 

6] Calmly wash your own plate and spoon, then patiently wait for the next group meeting when you can gently advise your friends to do the dishes as soon as they're done using them. That way, nobody has to suffer doing somebody else's work. 

7] Aggressively push all the unwashed dishes aside until they smash on the floor, and once you're done washing your utensils, you tell everybody who gathered in the kitchen to see what the loud noise was about, "that's what happens when zombies don't do their job." 

Since the temperament, attitude and personalities of people on earth are not entirely the same, it makes sense that we can't always get along peacefully with every individual whom Allah the Most Wise decreed us to meet. However, by having some understanding of somebody's MBTI personality type, we can adjust our behavior or choices if we're seriously interested in strengthening our relationship or friendship. 

🗂️ By understanding that a person is... 

• Introverted ( I ): We won't get offended if they request us to bring only a few companions to their small gathering or to avoid inviting individuals whom they don't know, and we shouldn't expect them to initiate conversations because aimlessly chatting about random topics is not an enjoyable activity for many introverts who'd rather read or browse the web in their homes. 

• Extroverted ( E ): We mustn't feel embarrassed if they're too chatty, playful or noisy in public, because that's how some extroverts naturally function, and their decision to invite others to your outing is meant to increase the enjoyment, not necessarily to consume the food that the hosts are offering.

🗂️ By understanding that a person is... 

• Sensing ( S ): We can be more careful about the way we answer their questions. Sensors generally prefer answers that are very specific, factual, and precise. The more details you give them the better. Since a lot of them get startled easily, from having strong senses of hearing, seeing, smelling and touching, we can be more cautious with the way we present ourselves when they're around (that is, if we care enough about how they perceive us).

• Intuitive ( N ): We can respond to their questions briefly or describe the overall meaning of an event or incident, purposely leaving out unimportant information. Many intuitives prefer looking at the big picture, the summary and main points of a discussion, concept or project, rather than fussing over every single detail. It shouldn't surprise us that sometimes they look distracted or oblivious when we're trying to catch their attention, because they're mentally someplace else contemplating about the future or preoccupied with analyzing. Don't feel insulted if you have to pronounce their names multiple times for them to notice you. 

🗂️ By understanding that a person is... 

• Feeling ( F ): We won't be surprised if they get hurt easily, overreact emotionally, and oftentimes make illogical decisions just to ensure that a situation is a win-win for everybody. With sensitive types, we can first compliment on their commendable qualities or express gratitude for the tasks they did well before attempting to criticize them, to maintain good relations.

• Thinking ( T ): We train ourselves to be more thick-skinned, resilient and open to negative feedback, whenever they attempt to evaluate us according to what they believe is rational, fair and logical. With thinkers who easily brush off insults and criticism, we can discuss issues without needing to sugarcoat things. In fact, for many of them, the more direct, real and transparent you are, the more they'd respect your authenticity and straightforwardness. 

🗂️ By understanding that a person is... 

• Perceiving ( P ): We won't have to worry too much about canceling or postponing plans with perceiving types because they're typically flexible, adaptable, relaxed, easygoing and spontaneous. Seeing how most perceivers dislike feeling restricted to rigid rules, repetitive routines, and fixed schedules, if you're eager to get along with a perceiving personality type, try to minimize being overly organized, perfectionistic and strict. 

• Judging ( J ): With judging (it doesn't mean "judgmental") personality types who are more comfortable with following a stable schedule, organizing, doing most things step by step, carefully planning and properly preparing, we can feel more at ease knowing we're dealing with individuals (as long as they're not sociopaths or narcissists) who'll try their best to fulfill a promise, accomplish a task and complete an assignment. While most perceiving types are likely to share mere suggestions or avoid bossing others around, many judging personality types welcome leadership roles and giving instructions. An INFP, for example, could be more successful babysitting two kids than if they were to be the head chef in a frequently crowded restaurant, and an ISFP may not enjoy working as a school supervisor just as much as an ESTJ or ENFJ would. 

Awareness of your MBTI personality type and others' MBTI can 

Inn-sha-Allah make it easier for you to identify who can work with you efficiently or patiently tolerate your quirks, and you become more aware of what you can do to strengthen a bond with another Muslim, including your spouse if you're married.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/poem-whats-it-like-being-muslim-and-intj.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/06/note-on-self-discovery-and-mbti.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/06/note-more-reflections-on-mbti-typing.html 

~•~

To discover what your MBTI type is, you're welcome to take these tests:

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new

http://www.michaelcaloz.com/personality/