Note: Some Advice From An INTJ On "Ghosting" And Broken Friendships Which Can't Be Fixed

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

🗒️ Question: As an INTJ-A personality type, what advice can you give regarding "ghosting" and ex-friends' final decision to stop maintaining friendship with you?

📝 Answer: Alhamdulillah, unlike other MBTI personality types who try to gossip about or get even with those who are no longer close to them, the way I treat former friends is I: 

1] Unfriend them on social media, delete their contact numbers, purposely ignore their Facebook timelines and stubbornly refuse to thoroughly read any of their comments posted on mutual friends' posts. 

2] Stop inviting them to accompany me to the places we used to visit. 

3] Cease going out of my way to initiate meaningful chat conversations. Asking them personal questions to be more familiar with them is something I don't do anymore because they've already proven to be a despicably untrustworthy individual whose words can't be taken at face value. 

4] Quit checking how they're doing. If they've been absent from work for several days, I wouldn't bother asking them "are you alright? You missed three consecutive meetings. Do you want me to come over so I can discuss with you the agenda?" 

5] Keep our dialogues online and face-to-face as concise, quick and business-like as possible, not eager at all to engage in small talk and playful jokes with them. 

✅ Although we've become distant and there's no interest in rebuilding the connection from both sides, I'd still: 

1] Answer their salaams or occasionally greet them with a polite smile. 

2] Respond to them appropriately when they sneeze and say "Alhamdulillah". 

3] Assist them with important tasks that I know I can help them with. 

🔰 If some individuals stopped answering my messages and clearly signalled that I shouldn't approach them, I'd: 

Continue accepting Allah's Qadr/Destiny with patience and contentment, acknowledge the fact they have a right to carefully select who they can socialize with willingly, and I'd get used to feeling satisfied that the roles of those temporary characters in my life story are over. Alhamdulillah. You can't prevent any human being from leaving your circle if Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala doesn't want them in your future, to protect you from their bad intentions and toxic presence. Knowing that some ex-friends have "ghosted" you is like watching pesky flies and mosquitoes fly away from you because you didn't agree with being treated like trash, and they're searching for somebody else to manipulate and profit from.

~•~ 

📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith (Imaan)."

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4681

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is not stung twice from the same hole."

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5782

Sahih Muslim 2998

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/tips-when-is-ghosting-and-avoiding.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/01/poem-red-flags-of-toxic-friends-and.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/note-five-signs-indicating-it-is.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/03/poem-signs-of-intj-door-slam-or-you.html 

https://personalitygrowth.com/intj-ghosting-how-they-deal-with-ghosting-people-and-being-ghosted/

Tips: Eleven Tips To Become More Confident

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

📑 Eleven tips to become more confident Inn-sha-Allah: 

1] Recall that our Creator Allah the Almighty, not His servants, is the Only One Whom we must fear, worship and strive to please. 

2] Occasionally read authentic articles or listen to Islamic lectures about how the noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam and his companions, the Sahabas RadhiAllahu 'anhum, dealt with different types of difficult situations and personalities. 

3] Go through books or websites which offer useful information and advice on strengthening one's faith / Imaan, self-awareness, body language, communication skills and personality development. 

4] Avoid unnecessarily interacting with toxic individuals who enjoy criticizing you due to jealousy, and unapologetically unfollow social media accounts which provoke self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with what Allah the Most Wise chose to grant you. 

5] Once in a while courageously take the initiative to do something which is challenging for many, as long as it doesn't offend anybody nor does it conflict with your values, such as being the first to answer a query in a group conversation or volunteering to assist a stranger with some tasks like holding the door open for them when they're carrying several items. 

6] When people inquire about something, ask them a question in return or confidently share more statements rather than giving one-word answers. For instance, if somebody asks "is this the way to such-and-such location?" instead of responding with a quiet nod or "yes" only, you can reply with "yes, it is, but you can try this route if you want to reach the destination a lot faster." Confident people habitually uplift others and don't hesitate to offer helpful tips whenever necessary. 

7] Learn from all of your past mistakes. Don't feel discouraged when a new mistake is made. 

8] Remember all of the favors and blessings which Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has bestowed upon you, one of which is receiving Allah's Guidance to the truth Islam as well as the correct 'Aqeedah. 

9] Observe how other confident Muslims behave, speak and treat others. Be motivated by those who patiently persevere in doing what they believe can bring them closer to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala (such as requesting a non-Muslim employer for a corner at work where you can pray, and continuing to keep your niqab on when among female acquaintances who don't even wear the hijab yet) without being negatively affected by people's enmity, indifference or mockery. 

10] Have enough self-respect to know when to say no. It's okay to disappoint people if saying no to them is done because you're prioritizing what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala wants, while distancing yourself from fitna as much as possible. 

11] Maintain strong connection with Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and say lots of Du'a, asking Him Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala to bless you with the type of confidence (not blameworthy arrogance / kibr) which is beneficial for thriving in both worlds.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be frustrated. If something befalls you, then do not say: 'If only I had done something else.' Rather say: "Allah has decreed what He wills." Verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shaytan."

Source: Sahih Muslim 2664

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Muslim 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/04/poem-your-trust-in-allah-and-your.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/09/note-on-fearing-only-allah-almighty.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/note-confident-people-vs-insecure.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/10/tips-three-signs-that-youre-actually.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/07/poem-few-tips-on-dealing-with-awkward.html 

Note: When To Allow Toxic Friends To Drift Away

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful

💌 While being forgiving is an admirable quality, the ability to forgive others shouldn't be an excuse for them to disrespect you repeatedly. You have every right to choose your own squad of trusted companions who inspire you to become a better version of yourself. Although many long-lasting friendships are formed when friends keep overlooking each other's mistakes, some connections are too toxic to remain. So it is safer to disconnect and let go of individuals who do more harm than good.

🔹 Five signs that indicate a person doesn't deserve our friendship, and they're better off as casual acquaintances or back to being complete strangers:

1] They have deliberately offended us numerous times or they stubbornly do something which we dislike, such as gossiping and name-calling, particularly with obvious lies. Example: They give an offensive nickname that doesn't improve anything. "Here comes the lesbian", "hey fatty", and "miss bossy-pants incoming" are unpleasant remarks which no decent human enjoys hearing. Do yourself an immense favor and gladly avoid their bad energy.

2] We don't know them enough, so we have no idea who we're dealing with. It is unfair that they know a lot about us, yet they don't provide sufficient details about themselves. "It's none of your business", "I can't talk about it", "Don't bother", "Leave me alone", and "Secret!" are phrases we won't receive from a genuine friend. True friends should be able to converse with one another comfortably, without being distrustful and untrustworthy.

3] Spending time with them is a distraction from Allah the Almighty and the companionship doesn't strengthen our faith/Imaan. If someone can't motivate us to increase in Taqwa and they show no interest in joining us to learn about Islam, their disappearance from our circle is actually a blessing. Distancing ourselves from the wrong kind of friends is effective training for us to: Avoid major sins, ignore what is not relevant to our goals, and be patiently contented with what Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has destined.

4] There is no mutual respect or one of us is jealous of the other. If somebody's presence reminds us of what we lack or we can sense that they're purposely trying to make us envious of their life, basically befriending them causes us to be as insecure as they are, then avoidance is more advantageous than struggling to like what we don't find agreeable.

5] The so-called bond doesn't lead anywhere. If they're not concerned about you and similarly you don't view them as interesting or relatable, there's no reason to salvage a "friendship" that is not beneficial or helpful for you in both worlds. 

🔹 Friends who are worth keeping for Allah's sake display the following qualities:

1] Their good character is consistent, never fake nor unpredictable. They ensure they answer your salaams and fulfill your rights as a Muslim, regardless of their moods.

2] They're careful not to hurt your feelings. If ever they did something wrong, they quickly apologize or compensate.

3] They don't envy you at all. Whatever makes you happy, so long as it's lawful/halal, also brings them joy.

4] They strive to have patience with you - patient in inviting you to attend Islamic lectures, patient with your late responses to their text messages, and patiently choosing to understand when you sometimes disappoint them.

5] They remind you to fear Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, correct your wrongs, and encourage you to do more righteous deeds (including praying Tahajjud regularly and fasting Sunnah fasts) so you join those who are worthy of Jannatul Ferdaus.

~•~

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends." 

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378 

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu ‘anhu narrated: Allah’s noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is not stung twice from the same hole." 

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5782 

Sahih Muslim 2998 

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The souls are conscripted soldiers. They come together upon what they recognize, and they differ upon what they reject." 

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 3109

Sahih Muslim 2638 

~•~

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/05/note-its-your-prerogative-to-choose.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/06/poem-what-it-means-to-boycott-and.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/07/poem-its-okay-to-detach-from-false.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/tips-when-is-ghosting-and-avoiding.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/11/note-seven-types-of-temporary-people.html 

Poem: What Inspires You To Forgive Your Husband Much More Other Individuals?

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 If I were asked, "What's your secret? Why is it that when 

Some friends disappoint you thrice, your friendship quickly ends, 

Yet when your husband's faults outweigh theirs, you're forgiving?" 

I'd say, "I believe my spouse was by Allah chosen, 

And each blessing which Allah grants is worth maintaining. 

~•~

I'm of the opinion that the souls whom Allah sends 

To interact with me are either tests or blessings. 

If they're trials, I avoid them or pass with patience. 

If their presence inspires my faith / Imaan to strengthen, 

Tolerating their flaws becomes a choice I welcome. 

~•~ 

Since I believe my husband was by Allah chosen 

To partner with me on the path to Jannah's entrance, 

And we're alike in countless ways, I can forgive him 

As often as I like, for as long as he's living, 

And praying for his progress isn't one bit boring. 

~•~

In comparison with those I've gladly abandoned 

For Allah's sake to guard my overall well-being, 

My husband resembles a very valuable gem 

Given to me from a friend whose care can't be questioned, 

While ex-friends are like dander acting as distractions. 

~•~

It's easy to pardon your spouse when your intention 

Of marrying is to serve Allah the Most Loving, 

And earn additional rewards in staying patient. 

Doubtlessly worldwide among the millions of humans 

Are other substitutes for those whose vibes dishearten."

~•~ 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered a wife to prostrate before her husband."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1159

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to At-Tirmidhi

Ali Al-Qari said, "That she prostrates to her husband is due to the number of his rights over her and her difficulty in maintaining gratitude for them. This rhetorical point conveys the obligation of the wife to obey her husband in his rights. Indeed, prostration is not lawful to anyone other than Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala."

Source: Mirqāt Al-Mafātih 5/2125 

📖 Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The best wealth is a tongue that remembers Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife to help one in his faith."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3094

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani 

📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The believer is not stung twice from the same hole." 

Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5782 

Sahih Muslim 2998 

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim 

http://www.saaid.net/mktarat/alzawaj/274.htm 

https://abukhadeejah.com/characteristics-of-a-righteous-wife-in-light-of-the-quran-and-sunnah-part-1/

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-what-happens-when-allah-most-wise.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/02/note-dont-be-too-quick-to-ask-for.html   https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2020/12/poem-demerits-of-divorce.html

Poem: Loyally Defend Your Husband From People's Gossip And Doubts

💐 In The Name Of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful 

💌 Easily defending your husband is a clear sign 

That you love him for Allah and you won't allow pride 

And critics to malign him with complaints, doubts and lies. 

You understand he's human, while Allah the Most Wise 

Knows the best timing when his faults can be rectified.

~•~

Any person pricked by thorns would find it tough to smile, 

Specially if they were already hurt from inside. 

When those who despise your spouse frequently criticize 

Him, intending to offend you too or give advice, 

You quickly defend him as his friend and faithful wife. 

~•~

If some claim "he doesn't spend enough time with you. Why?", 

"We doubt he cares for you as you're not prioritized", 

And "how come you don't dine out often?", calmly reply: 

"Alhamdulillah I don't regret being the wife 

Of a Muslim who works hard so his loved ones can thrive. 

~•~ 

I don't expect him to be flawless, and this is why 

When he errs or disappoints me, I can't get surprised. 

I'm aware that shaytan hates it when Allah unites 

Two good souls to become better as husband and wife, 

With faith and love pushing them to strive for Paradise. 

~•~ 

My husband's like a bird with broken wings when sometimes 

He seems neglectful due to feeling stressed, sad or tired. 

As his loyal wife, I'd let him rest, give him some time 

To heal, and patiently pray for bright days to arrive 

So he joins me in this flight to Jannah Paradise.

~•~

I love him for Allah's sake, and this isn't a lie. 

Even if he marries for the second, third, fourth time, 

With Allah's Will, I decide to stay as his first wife, 

Backing him up like a lawyer when he's criticized 

And giving him space when tranquil silence is required.

~•~

Don't bother trying to tell me that he's not upright, 

As I've already seen how he makes mistakes at times. 

Just as falcons, eagles and owls must sleep oftentimes, 

My soulmate needs to recharge every once in a while. 

Case closed. I don't pay you to review my marriage life."

~•~

📖 Thawban RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The best wealth is a tongue that remembers Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife to help one in his faith."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3094

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

📖 Asmaa bint Yazid RadhiAllahu 'anha narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever defends the flesh of his brother (brother or sister in Islam) from backbiting, it will be a duty upon Allah to free him from the Hellfire."

Source: Musnad Ahmed 26950

Grade: Hasan (Fair) according to Al-Suyuti

📖 Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever defends the reputation of his brother (brother or sister in Islam, and one's spouse), Allah will defend his face from the Hellfire on the Day of Resurrection."

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1931

Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani

http://www.saaid.net/mktarat/alzawaj/274.htm 

https://abukhadeejah.com/characteristics-of-a-righteous-wife-in-light-of-the-quran-and-sunnah-part-1/

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2021/05/poem-what-happens-when-allah-most-wise.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/02/poem-i-love-my-husband-for-allahs-sake.html 

https://mjustsharingislam.blogspot.com/2022/03/note-five-signs-that-you-are-contented.html