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📑 Some advice from an INTJ-A on how to be perfectly okay with standing out instead of "fitting in" or not being part of a clique (group of close friends). Seven probable reasons why a group of individuals, whether at school, in your neighborhood or in the workplace, don't treat you as a friend or "one of them":
1] If they're all narcissists who are insecure and intensely envious of you, they'd avoid you as much as they can because your good vibes, achievements and confidence make them feel very "inadequate" or "inferior".
2] It seems to them that you don't have a lot in common or they find you "unrelatable" and too "weird" or "too different". Patiently accept Allah's Qadr/Destiny and decision that your souls couldn't connect for a good reason. Know that your success in both worlds is never dependent on people's validation.
3] All of them are not fluent or comfortable yet speaking in your main spoken language.
4] There's at least one shared quality which each of their group members has and it appears to them that you don't have such commonality. For instance, in my case, I believe I'm not close to a particular group because the females in this clique are all "balik Islam" or "Muslim reverts" and, if I'm not mistaken, they're terrified of the concept of polygyny and/or they fail to believe that in Islam you're allowed to marry your cousin.
5] You didn't make enough effort to actually get to know them or they perceive you as "intimidating", "closed off" or "unapproachable".
6] You may have done something in the past which offended many if not all of them and they're too cowardly to confront you about it. For Allah's sake, don't sacrifice your self-respect by altering your values to persuade them to "validate" you, particularly if they're the sort of people who act obviously toxic and passive-aggressive whenever they feel emotionally wounded. Refuse to associate yourself with anybody who's awfully insecure, egoistic and inauthentic.
7] They probably assume that you're too "busy" for them or they wrongly think you're "judgmental" so there's no point in inviting you to join them in their gatherings and outings if you'll just reject their invitations. Your faith Imaan and overall well-being are so much better off without witnessing the lousy actions of those engulfed in their insecurities and negative thinking.
✅ Five advantages of not being part of their group:
1] Safety and distance from their lies, nonsensical discussions and fake giggles.
2] Protection from begrudgingly listening to their backbiting and partaking in their infantile gossip.
3] More time and opportunities to focus on learning more about Islam and prioritizing those things which deserve your full attention.
4] More chances to strengthen your connections for Allah's sake with your parents, siblings, loved ones, aunties, relatives etc. who aren't jealous of you and they truly deserve your affection.
5] Not being connected to a group which could be guilty of committing certain sins and crimes that you strive to stay away from as a Muslim.
~•~
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "The souls are conscripted soldiers. They come together upon what they recognize, and they differ upon what they reject."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 3109
Sahih Muslim 2638
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Umamah RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah (The Almighty), hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith (Imaan)."
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4681
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Albani
📖 Abu Musa RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Verily, the parable (similitude, example) of good company and a bad company is only that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you some perfume, you will buy some, or you will notice a good smell (pleasant scent). As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes or you will notice a bad smell."
Source: Sahih Al-Bukhari 5534, Sahih Muslim 2628
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (Authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
📖 Abu Huraira RadhiAllahu 'anhu narrated: Allah's noble Messenger Muhammad SallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2378
Grade: Sahih (Authentic) according to Al-Nawawi
📖 Abu Darda RadhiAllahu 'anhu said: "A righteous companion is better than loneliness, and loneliness is better than an evil companion. A good writer is better than one silent, and one silent is better than an evil writer."
Source: Rawdat Al-‘Uqalā 56
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